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”You need to cook and clean or no man would want you” Is the only thing I learned as I mopped the floor or did chores. While men sat on their ass being the lazy cluttering pigs they usually are. They aren’t defenders and providers but are treated as the golden child of the family just because they are men. When I got assaulted by an older nephew the family defended him, and when I spoke about I’m told I’m a liar, even the one who witnessed the assault sided with the boys mother saying I’m lying on her son. When my uncle sold my bike against my wishes to buy weed I got the blame and his mother got angry with me for believing him that he just want to borrow it to do groceries. well excuse me for trusting a family member, instead of raising your son better you blame the person who got scammed. The men in the family are absolute garbage but yet I need to respect them because they are men.
The social control is very strong for girls and women, you feel stuck and strapped on a leash, everything you do is put in a magnifying glass but what men do gets swept under the rug. A family member had innocent ppl at guns point to rob them, he’s still welcome in family gatherings but when a family member was pestering and bullying me at a recent family gathering his behaviour was not corrected but I got scolded for walking home in the middle of the night. Men never get the blame. Being a woman automatically makes you the black sheep or the scapegoat. You are responsible for men’s actions, you are held accountable for the things they do wrong in your presence. You get scolded for putting him in place. You are always in the wrong but men are just humans and they make mistakes. It’s always forgive and forget when men do you wrong but when you use profanity like damn or holy crap or you make a joke the elders don’t like then 3 weeks later you’ll get yelled at for something you did wrong while men are hardly told to behave themselves. When one of the golden children jumped on my bed out of nowhere and broke it I had to sleep in my grandmothers bed for a night until a new bed was bought.
and instead of getting angry at her grandson she took her frustration out on me. I take too much space and was very cranky the next day, she didn’t even acknowledge my presence and when I said that her wig needed a brush she snapped saying that I need to mind my own business and that’s coming from a woman who opens my mail to read what a friend has wrote in a letter, if there is a movie with a kissing scene im told Im secretly watching porn.
When a semi pickme aunt schold her son and wanted to grab the belt because he got involved in car jacking my grandmother frightfully came between them and said “No don’t hit him” But if that was me she would just sit there without a word.
My mother is by far the worst. She allows all of this to happen and when I reported a drunk dude to the security staff who was a little touchy at a restaurant I’m told I embarrassed her. She let her friend interrogate me on why I don’t have a husband and kids and when I ignored the idiot and started grey rocking I’m told I’m being rude.
But men are never asked why they don’t have kids or a wife. Or their age, Everyone leaves them alone and let them lead a private life.
I’m told I have no love inside my soul because I don’t want to bring a cup of tea to the pickme elderly women. But why should I bother? Good things I do are never talked about but yet they look for any flaw to give grief. Why not ask your favourite grandson to do it for you instead? nope he won’t. He’s too busy being a parasite.
Yet ppl wonder why I don’t want to deal with men unless they enrich my life. I want to see how they are raised and if they are lazy or excuse the behaviour of other men then I don’t want them.
That's extra shitty, it sounds like you're living under many layers of abuse. All I can say is I'm sorry, you deserve better. I hope one day you'll break free of them and have a good life where you're safe, and protected by the people who love you.
The oppression always starts from the home. By the time you venture into the world you’re already marred by a thousand battles. The glaring unfairness filled me with rage as a child. It’s triggering beyond compare to continue experiencing it as a adult from the males in my family. They presumption I should be small, grateful, groveling, pandering. I remember being sexually harassed as a teen by some predatory riffraff in the neighborhood and my father blamed me. Never a source of succor or refuge.
seeing my life mirrored in other womens experiences is why I've always been befuddled by the "angry feminist" label. The fuck? I'm in a perpetual stage of rage.
I promised myself I will find freedom for that little girl that had no agency. It’s the least I can do for me. But on a larger scale, if/when I become obnoxiously wealthy, I will leverage my wealth to the destruction of patriarchy. Feminist billionaires like JK Rowling will be considered very tame compared to the havoc I’ll wreak fr😂🤞
Start by distancing yourself/no contact with the most abusive of them until you longer have to deal with this. As you emancipate, it gets lonely but very peaceful. I pray you find freedom.
Keep flipping the script! This is where my bullish and stubborn side comes out and stays out: I keep insisting on my own point of view and I keep framing things in terms of who did what to whom and how I feel about it. I’ve gotten loud, stroppy, aggressive with gaslighters and talked over them, interrupted, and simply would not be shut up. They are LYING and I know I am telling the TRUTH. So don't let people of the lie win! Remember this is all about laziness as well as power and control. People are condoning behavior because they don’t care enough to set boundaries and enact consequences. It sucks! It absolutely sucks that they are part of the problem when they should be 1,000% more pro-active. However, you can and should self-advocate as aggressively as needed not only for yourself but to shut down abuse. It takes practice and you won’t always be able to but when you can, it is eminently worth it. You will empower yourself when you stand up and won’t back down.
wow i’m really sorry to hear that . that’s really messed up how women worship men and side with them in serious matters like that. my mom is a pick me but in a different way. she put her relationships before me and she was making these guys move in with us and she paid their bills. my dad’s gf is also a pick me and i feel like my dad doesn’t value her like that but she’s delusional.
I'm so sorry you went through all of that-- absolutely no one deserves that kind of treatment.
I hope you'll be able to find a community who fully supports you and recognizes what you have to offer.
I second @alimibry's advice about Dr. Ramani's videos, especially with dealing with cultural narcissists.