Getting asked out

Obligatory reminder that if he wanted to, he would.

I hear you. So I recently met this friend who’s a “man whisperer” of sorts lol. And I didn’t realize how much body language factored in. I’m also used to men just staring and not approaching, so we ran experiments together. According to her, men will approach if you look like you’re laughing and having fun. We did this at a quaint outdoor bar with men who would ordinarily just stare at me and say nothing. We were chatting animatedly and she urged/bullied me into asking a generic question to them because the guys kept staring at me.

“So are you guys from {our city}? We’re new and looking to explore new spots”. They were immediately at ease. Small talk ensued. Don’t try to carry the convo, just one offhand generic question worked. Don’t chase. Before they left, the guy walked up to me and asked for my number.

Second scenario was a bar as well. More upscale. A group of 3men staring. Two staring intently at me. She notices, urges me to stare back. It’s almost like a game. We keep playing cat and mouse until one of them walks up to me and asks if I can take a picture of them. I do, we all start chatting. Eventually the one I find interesting gets my number and we leave.

Whatever amount of eye contact you're used to making, and that you've been comfortable with, triple it and smile. You have to be careful to make eye contact with the man you're specifically interested in, amd avoid eye contact with other men, or they'll make a beeline straight to you and won't leave much room for the men you actually want.

The truth is, men are terrified of rejection. To an annoying extent. So if you’re fine with this, then fine. I would have never engaged this way in the past because I didn’t even realize there was more to do. You have to be very subtle and they still have to approach and do the pursuing. But changing body language, looking at ease and like you’re having a laugh does work. I don’t know if it’s a generational thing but it has worked every single time. But you have to let them chase, or have them believe they did.

A lot of men nowadays are lazy and won’t be straightforward or do it at all, so I think many of us are less likely to be asked out. It’s nothing to do with you. The right kind of man will do it, wait for them

I have noticed that I get approached more at events where I know a lot of people and look "busy" (not "doing my job-busy" but "interacting with a lot of different people-busy") and integrated. I think seeing me interact positively with several other people at the event simply makes me seem more approachable. If all the people who greeted me before seem to like me and I didn't murder any of them (yet), chatting with me can't be so dangerous.

I think it's understandable. Talking to someone who has been sitting alone all night and hasn't spoken to anyone just seems like a higher risk than to talk to someone who talked to people all night and who seems well-liked.

I have the same issues, I have no shame admitting that I'm a really gorgeous lady and will not say otherwise. I finally removed the veil for me and when I first met my new class this year I had lots of stares,especially from "boys". Until now I notice two "boys" who keep staring but hey they're both using other girls for what? Don't know for sure but if it's because they're perverts or want to make me jealous than that is lvb. No way ever I'll ever run after a man, there's this guy in my class who had a crush on me for 2 years and when I showed him interest back he lost interest in me, ughh so effing embarassing when all he did was use me for my brain to get help from me. I will never be with a man who knew me when i wore the hijab and started getting interested in me after I removed it. None of these boys are actually trying to do anything to get to know me or whatever. I have my ideal and I think I want to meet a man in the military.

YES! My issue is they get my number and either don’t call or text ONE time. It’s as though they want me to chase them!

I know the feel, it just doesn't seem to happen as much any more, the culture has changed.

I've recently posted a list of body language changes you can make to seem approachable and to flirt. If that's what you're looking for, take a look here.

I've struggled with this my whole life. So much so it made me jump into terrible relationships simply bc I felt I had to settle. But every time I beak up with someone men I know come out of the woodwork to ask me out. 😑 On the rare occasions a man does have the balls to approach me organically at a bar or party he ends up being a scrotey mean wanna be alpha bc that's their mean pick up game. I do think a lot has to do with body language but it also has to do with the environment. Going to places alone helps but I also ask friends if they know any nice single men I can casually meet bc they're already partially vetted. I've also heard making an effort to go to more fundraisers to meet men who are aligned with causes you support makes it easier for them to approach you. They already know why you're there so you have something to talk about. I haven't tried this yet but it makes sense to me. Maybe go to more fundraisering events alone and see who you meet?

I think this video contains some good tips for this matter. Even if you are expecting men to approach you, it doesn't mean you should just stand still and passively wait things to happen.

Men (as many women too) are often afraid of losing their face. Fear of being rejected (and maybe laughed at) blocks them from making the first move. So even when you expect them to put some effort, take a risk and ask you out, you can still give them signals and make the atmosphere optimal for them to approach you.

Shortly, points in video are:

1: Men are easier to approach you when you are alone, not surrounded with lot of your friends. So explore things not only with company, but also enjoying them alone. I have noticed this myself too: I often have activities alone in the city and quite often I find myself to have a casual smalltalk with strangers. I'm from Finland, and it's probably most introverted country ever where smalltalking strangers mostly makes you suspect they are trying to either sell your something or steal your stuff. But even here it can come out naturally in certain situations.

2: Stay attractive. You can never know when or where you meet someone, but you can always be ready for it by looking fresh and polished.

3: Be warm and welcoming. Give a man little green lights. It can be as little as a short eye contact, friendly smile etc. If you look stressed, busy, avoiding, angry or even use your phone intensively they all are signals that you don't want to be bothered. So make sure your body language tells that you are approachable.