I need your opinions, ladies! So I'm in my late 20's and last year around this time, I started seeing a guy who was 30 years old. Over time, I learned that he had never been on a date before and that he had never even really spoken to women in any romantic setting. He was a virgin. I was his first date and all that. He had severe depression and anxiety issues and drank and ate a lot. He was in therapy and took medication to help him with his mental state. I knew very early on that it wasn't going to work out because I don't want to be a man's first anything, to be honest. I'm a CSA survivor and had to deal with more SA shit as a teenager and I'm honestly jaded when it comes to dating. The way he spoke about "us" it seemed like he thought we would get married and like he wouldn't have ever wanted to date anyone else. I knew that sooner or later, he'd want to date other women and I totally understood that. I broke things off after a few months because I felt like we were in very different stages of life and we had different visions about the future. I'm looking for a suit and tie, ambitious man and not someone who's into anime and video games. Am I right to think that a person in that situation would want the experience of dating more than one person? I felt bad for breaking up with him knowing his mental state but I couldn't handle the pressure of having to keep him healthy and alive while teaching him basic life skills.
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No way in hell. You'd be the starter girlfriend he's gonna dump after he test drives everything on you. HVM are fully hatched
On FDS, we only vet and have relationships with HVP who are a "finished product". Not men who you basically have to keep alive and men who depend on you to teach them basic life skills.
Shallon Lester often explains, nothing kills our attraction for partner like having to mother them. Because women, we're not fucked in the head like men, we don't wanna fuck someone when we start treating them like our child.
If it depends on you to keep him "healthy" "alive", I think you had an extreme case of being a mommy girlfriend. No HVM would feel comfortable being in this embarrassing position. And a HVM can be an inexperienced virgin but he would still be a responsible, skilled, emotionally healthy, mentally healthy, intelligent man who wants to add value to a woman's life instead of making her teach him basic life skills.
It doesn’t matter. He very well could be grateful to be with just you for the rest of his life. However, is that what you want? The emotional labor with mentally ill people who are not doing what it takes to improve their condition is the most draining, painful exhausting task you could undertake. Indefinitely too. Eating and drinking too much are very troubling behaviors that will impact your quality of life and sex. Are you asking because you would reconsider him if you’re truly convinced he’d be satisfied with just you?
Unchecked mental health issues frequently lead to substance abuse issues, and oh, honey... the tales I could tell about that. My ex-husband went from PTSD to oxycontin to meth and heroin. We lived in absolute chaos, and when I finally got the courage to leave so my kids would be safe, the judge awarded him 50/50 custody. Imagine having to hand your kids over to that insanity. At least when we were together I could control it somewhat... when we were split I really thought they were going to die due to his negligence/abuse. They're safe now, but it took them suffering physical harm for the judge to finally act. Always think about the end game- where do you want to be, and will this guy help you to get there? Or could you be staring down the barrel of a gun? I really think if more women were aware of how family court works, they would choose their partners much more carefully.
Fortunately you don't need to worry about "whether or not a person in that situation would want the experience of dating more than one person" -- all you need to know is "Is he right for me?" (obviously he wasn't). You don't need to decide what he should or shouldn't do, or want to do -- and what's more, it sounds like he had a boatload of larger problems than his inexperience. Go ahead and rear-view-mirror him (he's there when you glance back, because you don't have amnesia, but don't include him in your forward-facing vision unless processing it is still good for you).
Yes. My husband was a virgin and felt like he lost out on life. Strange we are divorced and he is still single. I think you did the right thing.
Never feel bad for breaking up with a man. You deserve better.
not someone who's into anime and video games.
Don't feel bad. Having the responsibility of a strangers mental health and drug rehabilitation shoved onto you is odd, and asking a bit too much.