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How would you do finances in marriage?
I want separate accounts so we could buy each other gifts and not scrutinize every little purchase. Maybe we'd also have shared accounts, but I'm not sure how we would contribute to it.
Currently, my bf pays for all our dates, including trips. I occasionally buy him gifts and very rarely pay for a date (<1% of the time).
In my ideal scenario, after marriage he would continue to pay for everything shared (so now adding housing and bills).
However, realistically, it may be difficult for him to pay for all shared things. He is buying a house (for us to live in after marriage), so he'll have mortgage payments in addition to continuing to pay apartment rent for his retired parents.
EDIT: We both have middle class income jobs, but he earns more than I do. Besides the house he's in the process of buying, no significant assets. I'm childfree and would never be a SAHM.
I disagree with the above. He should be responsible to pay for everything house related, utilities, etc. your money is your money so keep it that way. I disagree with combining income since that means you will be contributing your share and we don’t do 50/50. I’m against this. Keep your accounts separate but make sure you have access to his account and you are aware of what goes in and out
I go by the saying "What's his is ours, what's mine is mine".
Well done on keeping your relationship financially high value so far.
Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think your incomes should go into one bank account when you get married. It works well for my parents (who have been happily married for 40 years) and countless other older couples I know.
I understand the appeal of separate bank accounts. However, your boyfriend earns more than you do, which means he will have more "fun money" each pay period. Do you think this will make you happy in the long term, knowing he can afford things you can't? I don't think so, and I don't think it's fair/equitable, considering you'll contribute equally to the marriage.
On the other hand, I understand the importance of a woman having GTFO money. Maybe you could divert a percentage of your income to a GTFO fund? Your husband should not have a GTFO fund, however. ALL his money should be accessible to you. In short, you could have a separate account, but your husband should not.
This is what my mom told me several years ago (paraphrased): in a long-term marriage, if a man does not share everything he has with you, you will resent him.
Also, why aren't his retired parents helping themselves? Why do they need your boyfriend to pay their rent? What would they do if your boyfriend was suddenly unable to work? Most importantly, if you married your boyfriend and he was, for some reason, unable to work, would YOU be expected to support his parents? Sorry, but his parents sound like leeches/deadbeats to me, and it's a giant red flag.
This might sound harsh, but I'm trying to ask the right questions, because I don't want you to be on the hook for supporting your in-laws if anything happens to your boyfriend. All it takes is a car accident or a bout of long COVID, and you might find yourself supporting four people.
I know non-rich men who transfer almost all of their income to their wife's account and she decides how to spend the money. The desire for a guy to pay for everything is not unrealistic.
You can share an account if you're married but Always ALWAYS ALWAYS have a separate checking or savings account your husband doesn't know about for your own protection. Make sure it's paperless. If he up and leaves you have something. If you need a vacation you have something. Trust me. You're not being shady. You're being prepared for the "what ifs" of life.
When you are married your incomes join together. All the bills, savings and the mortgage come out, and you split what remains equally. This is your fun money. You'll still want to hang on to your GTFO fund of course, or think of it as the 30 yr anniversary world cruise fund. But once you have created a family unit I assume you'd want to be equals within it.
Keep vetting.