Filters 💔

Yea it’s cringey for sure. same thing as before social media, magazines influencing teenagers into thinking they need unrealistically thin bodies, it’s just really bad for women. men love when we learn from a young age to not feel pretty enough and be insecure.

i have an 11-year old cousin who has been rail thin and made comments about that she thinks she is fat since 8 years old(when she got a cell phone of course) and it makes me sad. she’s also on tik tok and other such apps all the time.

i really hope she grows out of it. The grown women I see doing those weird, obvious face blurring or cat ear filters come off as immature or starved of attention to me but I also have been off social media a few years now. i don’t know what the newest trends are now but probably similar styles of filters I guess?

I really appreciate this post because I have been feeling this way about a friend as well. I cut social media a long time ago because of the toxicity, and quite frankly, the waste of time that it is. If people want to contact me, we have phones and it really shows who is willing to make an effort. Of course, this is my opinion only, if other readers like social media, you do you sis.

As for the filters, my friend has this tendency to overshare and take pictures of every single thing she does, including when we'd go out. This was tolerable at first, but it got old over time as she never lived in the moment and was attached to her screen editing the pictures she took of the night out we were having, instead of actually enjoying the night. It was very rude. Like imagine sitting across from someone who'd say "uh-huh yeah yeah, just talk, I'm listening" with their phone held up to their face ALL NIGHT. I can’t stand going out with her anymore and relegated her to a “2hr friend” slot, which I am continuing to review since I am still coming to terms with what kind of a person she is.

I initially accepted this quirk of hers being like hey, she is who she is. Then one day she shows me her instagram wanting my opinion of a photo of hers. Holy shit. I have never seen anything more over-edited than her photos. What’s worse is that it wasn’t even good photo editing. I tried to be gentle and tell her how naturally beautiful she is, and how the photos don’t do her justice with all those changes.

She would not accept this and kept nagging for my opinion. Eventually I was just blunt and said it looked nothing like her. She stopped asking after that but would still show me her photos. This is not being said as an insult, but just an objective fact, she is a fat woman who modified the photos significantly to appear very very thin. She also made her face look completely different. I couldn’t recognise her. She actually is a very beautiful woman, but she clearly feels the need for these toxic filters/adjustments.

Her low self-esteem is clear, and despite how much support she has and resources her therapist and friends have provided, she refuses to introspect and do the actual work to emotionally level up. We are grown ass women and she has enough support around her to know better.

Over the course of a few years she has continued this behaviour, and it has gotten worse. She edits her friends and makes nasty comments about us and how she "made us look better". It made me realise that I need to accept who she is, just like the standards we apply to dating.

I have since adjusted my relationship with her because she has become this vapid narcissistic woman who feels entitled to praise from her friends but only makes nasty comments about us. I haven't closed the door on her completely because I give friends a bit more leeway than male suitors. If she works on herself and reaches out, I will hesitantly let her back into my life. I recognise the impact that social media has socialised my friend to behave this toxically, however, she is also a grown adult who has agency and autonomy. She has to take responsibility of her behaviour and decision making skills.

My point is, I really hope your friend doesn't go down the path mine did. I hope your friend introspects and does the work. You can't force her to change unfortunately, she has to get there on her own. Just as we all did.

I deleted social media years ago. Partly because I’m studying compsci and know what SM is actually for and how it works (mining data, profiling customers, selling data to gain capital), partly because I noticed a sharp decline in my mental health. And that was years ago, before super bad filters were even a thing. What I tell myself whenever I decide to lurk around or when friends show me something: I’m responsible for my own well-being. I feel like shot comparing myself to perfectly curated and heavily edited versions of personas people post online BECAUSE I decide to let it hurt me. That’s on me. I’m hurting myself. I can just not look at it, log into it, compare myself to something that isn’t even real. Past a certain age / stage in your life, you have to woman up and own your decisions. And it is as simple as not participating in this madness. I realised that as shortly as a few days later I already felt better. Weeks later I didn’t even feel that weird sting when looking in the mirror and seeing someone who isn’t picture perfect. I still suffer from body dismorphia, I still dislike certain parts about me, but I’m no longer falling into the illusion that what those people on SM look like is either achievable nor worth achieving. It’s plain horrible and I feel so much rage and compassion for younger girls out there, but as adults we really do this to ourselves if we continue to let it hurt us. Responsibility is one of the most empowering things out there. If you’re responsible, you are in a position of power and control because you actually CAN change your position in life.

Yeah it is really messed up. I looked up a gal in my school group project on LinkedIn and she had so many filters on her photo she literally looked like an alien. How can she think that looks good?? It looks very creepy. I feel bad for her if she can't see that (like many others have said in this thread in their stories), she is supermodel-looking gorgeous and the epitome of conventional beauty standards without any filters. It really is disturbing to know that society has ingrained this shit into our minds.