Feeling sadness over recent breakup

He reconnected while being in a relationship with you. Sounds like some infidelity going on in your relationship on his part. It also sounds like he was hiding other things from you in your relationship because you state “And at the very beginning, I couldn’t trust him because of something he did not disclose to me until I asked many times.” I think your intuition was right and the proof was in the pudding. He up and left you for someone else out of nowhere. This is the kind of man that hides things from others. I hope you feel better soon, and as someone who has had their heart broken trust me when I say you’ll see all the signs and warnings after a few months of being apart from them. You can even write down a list of things you don’t like about him. Or you could write a letter to yourself and burn it once you’re done

I want you to make a promise to yourself to never continue a relationship with a man if the trust is not 100% there. If there is smoke, there is always fire lingering on the other side. Your body was trying to alert you on something that was off about him, and it sadly took four years until the real truth about him came out. He's not a loyal man and he probably cheated on you with the ex who he is now with. I'm sorry.

Another big thing is a major compatibility issue between the two of you, in that he wanted to get married while you did not. Though nothing wrong with what you wanted, it definitely may have weighed on his mind that this wasn't it and it is better to end things now than dragging it on for many years ahead. He did it in a cowardly way for sure, but I'm happy that you at least did not get married to him. It would have made a much messier separation for you. Perhaps the ex wanted to get married and he felt it was time?

Regardless, as much as it really pains you, this won't be your best relationship even if it might feel like this was the best you could do. There is always another man around the corner, as my mom likes to say. There will be a man who can give you what your ex never could. But I want you to please also listen to your intuition to not waste anymore years on a man again.

Big hugs.

I feel you so much. But why do you blame yourself for this? He broke up with you over text while away. That's a cowardly move. What explanations did he give you, if any?

Your intuition that you couldn’t trust him was spot on. You were right all along. Men know how to play the game and how to get a woman to fall in love with them. That’s actually easy to do. Just be consistent and kind, and most women will eventually fall in love. But making that act real and keeping it up for longer than 2 years is harder to do. I’m so sorry that he’s been such an asshole. I’d imagine he was treating you right as a tool to get his ex back. Men are that manipulative. But here’s the kicker—he will be back when it doesn’t work out with her, and you should NEVER allow him back into your life again. He blew it, and you will find better. Please, don’t ignore your intuition ever again. I had the feeling that my husband was mean when we first met, and instead of sticking with my intuition, I gave him a chance. And I found out the hard way just how right I was about his meanness. Try some EFT (Pam Wright Faster EFT on YouTube) and listen to some “forget your ex“ hypnosis videos at night before you go to sleep. They’ll help you heal up much quicker. Hugs to you that you feel better soon.

You're not at fault at all. You didn't take him for granted, HE took YOU for granted! The fact that he not only went back to his ex, but waited until you were away & didn't even grace you with breaking up in person, shows that he was never a good man. He just pretended to be one.

His ex probably dumped him when he was a loser, and now that he's finally successful & has a house, he went right back to her. They hold onto rejections like that forever.

Your initial intuition was right, but you can't beat yourself up over it. You had no idea he was hiding this from you because he was just that good of an actor. It's easier to blame ourselves than to really look at the other person, because we don't want to admit that we were fooled - but you did nothing wrong. These were conscious, hurtful actions that he did TO YOU that have no justification.

If this is not the universe doing you a favour, I honestly don’t know what is!! I am sorry you had to go through this rough breakup and it will get better, I promise. Just focus on healing your heart and your growth. A lot of self care, therapy, working out, and hanging out with friends and family will help you heal. He sounds very manipulative and a cheater. He was just hiding it well and trust me, they do come back and if they don’t, they found another woman to trap her into a relationship and suck the life out of her. Your life will not stop because of him. It will only get better from here and if it’s not him, it’s someone else much better. Keep that in your mind always that you are the prize and your thoughts are just thoughts. Don’t let them control you.

First of all, soft fluffy hugs to you ❤ Other than that, if he can reconnect with an ex while being in a fairly long relationship with you, especially when you are away on a trip, I think you have been done a huge favour. I understand one does not automatically feel happy and sparkly just by reading and listening to these things, so I wish you strength while you heal from this :) All the good things that you remember having with him can be had by yourself as well. They were there with him because of you. So all those good things are still there with you now by yourself as well 🌺

I'm sorry what happened to you. He will be crawling back when it doesn't workout with his ex. And I'm pretty sure it won't because in the past it also didn't. Then he will be sorry for everything. I have a feeling that he is triangulating women. Please don't fall for it. Also: Breakup over text after 4 years? That's a BIG no.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of three years. I’ve struggled because in many ways he was everything I wanted but something wasn’t right. He had started making some comments about marriage and I realised that I couldn’t marry him. That realisation led to me ending things. Officially I’m on the fence about marrying again but I think the truth is that I want a man that has me leaping off that fence into his arms. I think the main reason women are anti-marriage is because it’s not in our best interests. If it genuinely was, we’d want it more. Your heart will heal but I hope you’re able to treat yourself gently while it does.

Bullet seriously dodged, sis! He gives me major covert narcissist vibes. Narcs discard strong women like you in the most cowardly ways, leaving her with Complex-PTSD symptoms after his abuse. Survivors of the more subtle kinds of covert narc predators like these usually blame themselves and have internalized the narcissist’s projections. Bottom line: understand he is a secret life-having cheater. I was married to and dated dudes like these. They ruin lives, especially if they trick you into marrying them and having kids with them. Bullet seriously dodged here. Big hugs to you.

I’m so sorry for your pain. Take time for yourself and grieve and soon you will start to feel better. That’s when the scrote will come back but by then you’ll be better off.

I'm honestly not quite sure what to make of this. I tend to agree with some of the other commenters who said it's a red flag you had a hard time trusting him, at the same time it sounds like past attachment wounding being activated in the both of you, which doesn't necessarily mean the relationship was irredeemable (of course it is now that he has reconnected with his ex). The story is missing some context so I can't say for sure. At the very least it doesn't seem like a clear-cut "he's a total LVM, boy bye!" story to me, or maybe I'm just still too generous. Can you elaborate a bit what the trust issue was about? No details needed, just the general category. If it was something about infidelity, for example, I'd say good riddance.