.png)
It is safe to say 99% of us all around the globe don't know what a healthy relationship is.
What being loved and appreciated and treated like a precious is.
Because like it or not, we all have been treated in varying level of sh*t growing up, and being told repeatedly that it is all "our fault".
That we don't "deserve to be loved" because we don't have x, y and z.
So we grew up essentially breaking ourself in half dancing like a fool trying to prove our worth to the people around us.
You can't accept even a suggestion of slowing down and risk them looking down on you -- because you grew up being looked down so much, even the thought of going through that sh*t rips your heart into pieces.
So you lash out. At me. At the admins. At anyone who suggest that you don't need to do anything, and let them impress you this time.
I remember a post at the old reddit FDS made by one of the admins, talking about makeup and how it is all marketing tactics to make you buy more.
The LOUD cry in the comment sections about how the admin is calling them a "pickme" for loving makeup, how they are taking away the one thing that makes them happy, how the admin is cruel of ostricizing them.
And then I made a post on reddit about becoming "useless" to men on dates. Acting like (or just being) you know nothing, cannot cook, can't clean, don't know how to work the stove, don't know this, don't know that.
You can imagine what the responses are. Got downvoted to ZERO yo.
And then, I made this: I don't want to "watch his back while he watches mine" -- I want him to take the wheel.
I apologize for pissing you off -- but it is necessary. We have been skirting around the issue far too long, it is time to address the problem;
You want to be a Queen, but you don't want to be served like one.
Why?
When you say you want to be a Queen -- what exactly are you imagining?
Snapping fingers after a clapback and goes "Yasss Queen!"?
You do realize that's not actually a Queen, right? It is a trending thing, but that's not what you want to be.
Because that is the same as LibFem "empowerment" bullsh*t -- seems "empowering" until you realize you still driven to the brink of insanity from the constant state of chaos.
A Queen is to be served.
She doesn't worry about how other people perceive her -- she is either served or dismiss the people who aren't serving her.
But of course, a Queen is a symbolism -- we don't exactly want to be a Queen in the physical sense of the word.
We just want to be LOVED, like how a Queen is loved.
Appreciated.
Heard.
Treated like our existance means something.
Paid attention to.
Listened to.
Knowing that he is happy and grateful that you are in his life.
Loved. You want to be loved.
But you FEAR being loved.
Because being loved does mean letting go of the steering wheel and trusting him to get you to the destination safely and securely.
Yet you don't grew up knowing what "safe and secure" even looks like.
You tried to trust, to rely on them when you are very little, when everything still seems hopeful.
And boy did they go to town with that trust and reliance to the point you don't even recognize yourself anymore.
You are traumatized. And with that, you survive.
I never hated pain, you know? When everything hurts and life is just a big ball of confusion and nightmares -- pain is always there, accompanying me every step of the way.
But so does FEAR. Fear is a dear old friend, steadfastly there keeping us alive and helping us survive.
But unlike pain, fear is a chain. And after a point in your life, that chain will be the cause of your destruction.
So it is time to say goodbye to a dear old friend.
STAY WOMAN (Beta Phase) - Chapter: Fear.
Stay safe, STAY WOMAN.
I love your posts
Okay but I find in my relationships I do do this and then inevitably they steer my life into a trainwreck. What tends to happen is theyre incredibly loving for years and then suddenly they reveal something insane like they have an addiction issue or they resent me or whatever else. Then the idea is that I'm supposed to dump them - but if youre with someone for years obviously you get attached, so it seems like my lack of a fear of being loved does get me into deep shit. How can we let go of the steering wheel when none of these men are remotely competent or trustworthy (and they'll happily wait years for you to realize that)?
I've been noticing an increase in pickme stuff in this space as well.
I think a lot of people only read the title and skim a couple of paragraphs before running to the comment section. Because most of the criticism I see on your posts is from people who either didn't read or didn't understand it.
For example: the post on being a "masculina". I understand that some may have been put off because "masculina" is a term that has recently been appropriated by the masosphere to mean a woman who isn't a submissive doormat, but in your post you clearly defined it as being an overworked put-upon woman who does everything for everyone while the men sit on their asses and benefit from your labor. But a lot of the women criticizing the post seemed to think you meant a woman who has her own career and money, and doesn't follow the "submissive" bullshit that the manosphere is always banging on about (so, the manosphere definition).
I think a lot of it should be left up to our "no standard shaming" policy: if you want to be served and treated like a queen, and never have to lift a finger in your relationships, then that is your perogative. If a woman says she won't go on a date with a man unless he buys her a Birkin bag first, that is her perogative. If another woman has a different standard, that is fine. But no one should be shaming another woman for having high standards.