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I met "Bri" in high school during one of the days we had theater. She was sitting alone, looking lost and nervous. I introduced myself and did what I could to make her feel more at home. We quickly became friends and I noticed how her low self esteem really impacted everything in her life.
By society's standards she wasn't "the hot stereotype" she was short, overweight, and didn't dress or style herself in the "hot girl" way. She wasn't following any of the hair trends and didn't wear any makeup, she dressed comfy, she hungout with her little cousins rather than partying, loved Disney, and was studious. She was somewhat religious and believed in waiting a little bit before having sex. She couponed and thrifted before it was cool. She never had a boyfriend, and when she would try talking to guys they'd either politely turn her down or were really cruel and bully her. There was no in between.
She was a wonderful friend but our friendship faded during college. After college and moving, we reconnected and became close friends again.
Bri told me that she dropped out of college after her first semester. Her mom got sick, her car was totaled, she lost her apartment, had to move home, and was broke.
She pulled herself by the bootstraps. She started saving what money she could, got a different car, and started going to therapy. She started teaching herself how to cook and couponed more. She opened a small business and then used the profits to treat her and her mother to Disney vacations.
She kept building, step by step, during these years. She didn't think about men or trying to pander to the male gaze, but rather she dove deep into doing what she loved and caring for herself and her sick mom, whilst growing her skills.
Then her mom passed away and she fell into a depressive period and started emotionally eating again, and put on some weight. She went back to therapy and started healing. She didn't let her weight stop her though - she still dressed the way she liked and did all the things she loved.
And while at her "biggest weight" (her words, not mine) she ended up meeting a guy through a coworker and they hit it off. They started dating.
He has a lot of HVM traits: he plans thoughtful dates that suit her interests, he keeps in regular contact with her but doesn't blow up her phone (he doesn't play text games or the hot and cold game), he's sincere, he makes effort, he's genuinely interested in learning about her interests and is supportive of her endeavors, he is proud of her, respectful of her boundaries, and makes her feel safe. He treats her siblings and her family like his own. He includes her in his events and introduced her to his family at an appropriate time. I'll also add he made it very clear he wanted to date her and he pursued her, she never had to wonder about defining the relationship, begging for attention, or doing any legwork to chat or have dates.
She ended up loosing a lot of weight between a surgery and exercise routine - and he has loved her at her biggest as well as at her smallest.
Scrotes wouldn't be happily going to Disney, pumpkin patches, singing lilo and stitch, or going to build a bear, or taking Santa pics with their girlfriends - but he does it HAPPILY. He is genuinely happy to be around her and it brings him joy to see how much she is having fun - unlike bump on a log scrotes who don't smile in pics, complain, and need to be dragged along in hopes of getting laid.
She doesn't really wear much makeup, she still wears comfy clothes and comfy shoes rather than "sexy" clothes, she does her hair in a simple manner rather than "sexy". She doesn't throw herself at him, she doesn't pretend to be a huge fan of his interests but she does appreciate that they bring him joy, she doesnt cook him food or buy him things, she doesn't do any "pickme" stuff. They have been dating almost 2 years and she waited to have sex with him a few months into the relationship.
She has her own place and he has his own place, she doesn't plan on getting a place together unless there is a ring. She does want kids one day, but he uses protection and she takes the pill as well because she doesn't want kids until she is married with the right person. He really seems to genuinely love and care about her, and she reciprocates, but she also knows that things could change in an instant and will end it if that's the case.
I'll also add she's almost 30. She never felt the need to rush into anything or settle. We've both seen how that worked out for the pickmes from our high school.
I'm very proud of my friend Bri. She's everything that scrotes would say is "undesirable" and "not a hot girl" BUT she still has an HVM! (Let me also add he sends her flowers, celebrates all the holidays with her, and buys her gifts, he even surprises her with her favorite snacks and makes her little goodie baskets just because - and they're filled with the specific things that she likes! The gifts are never sexual and he never expects sexual things in return either. They take day trips together and recently had a Disney trip together. She still has her own friends and so does he. Let me add, he doesn't entertain any suspicious women friends /hit on other women either - Bri isn't uncomfortable because he doesn't put her in fishy situations)
Bri and her HVM prove so many scrotes wrong. Bri is a reminder to everyone that self love and self care should be everyone's priorities and that HVM do exist.
Good for her! Happy your wonderful friend found someone who appreciates her. And why wouldn't she? Of course she's not a stereotypical "hot girl" as you said, but there's nothing wrong with little/no makeup, basic hairstyle and comfy clothes. Most men are the same way after all! I don't think these things make women "less desirable" (I know scrotes think that way but I don't care about their standards).
This warms my soul. I'm really happy for your friend 😊
This is so wonderful!! 🥰🥰🥰 Thank you for sharing your friends story. I wish her all of the happiness and to continue to have a HVM shower her with love. If she is wanting to be married around this time he should start be preparing for a proposal and her deciding whether he is someone that she wants as a husband.
I feel that what you’re friend demonstrates is a lot of the qualities talked about in “Why men love bitches”. The fact your friend has a full life, passionately involved in her hobbies, confident and does not care what others think of how she looks and what she enjoys doing (Disney) demonstrate how irreplaceable and a wonderful woman she is. It’s a wonderful reminder to all of us that to continue to strive and be living our lives as HVW. When the right man comes along that adds value to us then we can decide whether he is worthy to add into our world.
I hope he is truly a HVM. If they have been dating for two years, I would say it’s the time for him to propose. I think per FDS rules 1.5-2 years is the time. I wish her nothing but happiness and joy ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Thank you for such a positive story! I also read about a group of women, where the only one who didn’t complain about her husband was the “plainest” of the group. LVMs think only the hottest women are worth going after, but you aren’t looking for a 2/10 man to be with a 8/10 woman - if anything, you want both to be equally matched, to look and be a right fit. That’s more likely to lead to a balanced relationship.
Really lovely story. So happy your friend has found some joy in this world.❤️
Thank you for this post. It reads like a lot of my life. I'm in my early 30s. I've never been seen as attractive due to my weight. Men never asked me out. If I did try to talk to them, they made it clear I was unwelcome. I am even taking care of my mom right now. In some ways, I am prepared to possibly never find the love I dream of. But this story reminds me to hold out for it and never settle for less than I deserve no matter what I look like. I am losing weight right now and working on healing from past trauma and loving myself.
Best of luck to your friend. I am so glad she found someone special who treats her well. And, at the same time, if it ended tomorrow, she'd be okay because of all the love and care she's put into herself and building her life. That's the journey I am on. I realized recently that I have a long way to go in how I feel about myself. My self-esteem is very low. It's been hard not having the support and love I need in my life, but I need to work harder to love myself and know that I am a great person. Thank you again for sharing this story.
I literally teared up reading this. I get pretty cynical sometimes but it's nice to know there's always hope we'll meet our persons :)
Things do change in an instant.
HVM future fake. I've experienced the HV traits listed above and he dropped me like a hot cake when I lost eyesight.
I look after myself. I provided the roof over my head. I don't need fake manipulative abuse. Good luck to your friend. I hope he really is HV.
Such a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing ❤️
One of the biggest lies men tell is that a they treat good looking women better than ugly women. It's simply not true. Sure, they're more attracted to the good looking, flashy women and will feign interest and that they're good men until they think she likes them. Then she gets psychologically tortured just like they already did to the unattractive girls. Men either like and respect women, and see them as human beings, or they don't. I was the "too tall, too smart, too heavy" type in high school and college. Once I was in charge of my diet, I dropped about 15 lbs and was getting asked out all of the time. The meaness of men was still there, but it was more hidden and directed at getting me in bed and using me instead of just telling me I was "too this and not enough that" and outright rejecting me like they did earlier in my life. Women would do well to follow Bri's example and be about themselves and not men. That way, if a good guy does come along, their self esteem will be intact, and they'll be able to trust a man. I, for one, will never trust what a man says ever again in my entire life so help me God.
My heart 😍😍 This is soooo cute, I can't believe I'm fangirling over this relationship right now😍😍😍 This post gave me so much hope and happiness, thank you OP! :)
LOVE reading success stories 😍 i'm so happy for bri and her man is very lucky to have someone like her in his life. only best wishes to them both 💖
Good for her! I love hearing experiences like this and wish more would be publicized. I think it’s important to spread “positive relationship propaganda“
I strongly believe in the mirroring principle - we attract what we are.
I know that if im attracting LVM its because there are low value qualities in myself that are attracting them. I use my time as a single woman to figure out what these qualities are and change for the better. That's what leveling up is after all.
So I think your friend, while not conventially attractive, must be high value herself if she attracted a high value man.
As I said, good luck to her, I hope he really is HV. But. I prefer living in reality, not a fantasy. I know the lengths men go to future fake.
Although at first glance, toxic positivity may seem to have a 'positive' focus, it is actually a form of gaslighting (when someone causes you to question your own reality). It comes from feeling uncomfortable with negative emotions. When we apply toxic positivity (to ourselves, or others) we are denying what they felt in reality.
In the context of mental health, toxic positivity can pose a serious threat to emotional stability. Just like substance use turns into abuse when it begins to interfere with other parts of your life, positivity can become toxic when it is forcefully used to downplay, delegitimize or undervalue negative emotions. It can cause alienation and a feeling of disconnection.
Stop toxic positivity by clarifying what you want from your conversation partner. Let yourself feel your feelings, and let others share theirs without needing to fix them.
Life experiences aren’t all happy, and some really hurt. Many people who’ve faced lasting trauma, like abuse, neglect, domestic violence or the impacts of their own mental or physical health, may regularly hear “toxic positivity” comments that invalidate the severity and enduring nature of their experiences. If you’ve heard you need to “stop being sad” about a traumatic childhood experience or that your rough past “wasn’t that bad,” you may feel like your experiences and perspective aren’t valid or like you imagined how low your trauma may have made you feel. When people use toxic positivity to invalidate the gravity of the most difficult parts of your life, remind them your trauma continues to impact you even on your happiest days and express you feel invalidated. Change is needed in the way people try to help others in times of crisis or trauma.
If you’re grieving a healthier version of yourself, you may frequently encounter toxic positivity from people who might insist you stay thankful for what you do have. However, even though gratitude can help some people cope, processing your grief over the aspects of your life that have changed is a completely natural, healthy way to cope. When you find other people may be resistant to your grieving process, remind them working through each step of the grieving process and feeling your emotions as they crop up can ultimately help you work toward a fulfilling life.
Some people who have a “toxic positivity” mindset may fear if they express their true emotions as they feel them, they may never stop feeling them. They may also perceive their less-positive counterparts as constantly negative and worry if they don’t stay positive, others may put a damper on their mood. No one has just one set of emotional responses.
All of our feelings are OK to feel.
People who rely on toxic positivity may have been taught happiness is the only acceptable emotion or may even have been reprimanded for expressing fear, anger, sadness or envy. That mindset can be difficult to unlearn and may lead to fear around sharing feelings that don’t come across as relentlessly positive.
Recognizing feelings helps process feelings.
If you encounter people who seem to expect you to be happy all the time and claim all other emotions are unhealthy or unnecessary, explain the function those less-happy emotions have in your life. When you don’t feel sad or frustrated, think about what those difficult emotions do for you and how they may help you feel more connected to your emotions. The next time someone speaks badly of your entire range of emotions, explain how expressing “negative” emotions may help you learn to process all kinds of feelings in a healthy, constructive way.
How do you respond to toxic people or behaviour? Avoid playing into their reality. Don't get drawn in. Pay attention to how they make you feel. Talk to them about their behavior. Put yourself first. Offer compassion, but don't try to fix them. Say no (and walk away). Remember, you aren't at fault.