I had to sit by myself for a long time, working on myself, getting rid of toxic people to make space for new people in my life. After about five YEARS I have a group of wonderful women friends! We are not all in the same group but they are all connected to me.
I randomly reconnected with someone from my hometown, got back in touch with a cool witchy woman in her 70s I was in a book club with 20 years ago, reconnected with a long lost family member who reached out to me and I love her so much, reconnected with a college friend....all feminist, fun, kind women.
I’ve also found a little circle from my local Buddhist center and we meet up every Sunday for coffee. We have the most wonderful long conversations about politics, history, spirituality, life.
But y’all I had to keep my guard up against pickmes and fair weather friends! I let some relationships die and actively ended other relationships. I believe that when you are attached to toxic and unhealthy people the universe will not send healthy people your way.
I've had that happen to me too! I've cut all of them off because they're all nutcases. Instead of doing something to fix their insecurities, they decide to be nice-nasty, hot and cold and competitive. I see them for what they are - damaged people who need help. I've learnt that just like how women should stay clear of broken men that need our help, women need to stay away from pickmes.
After you're kind enough to be their friend, listen to their sob stories and encourage them, they will spend their time hating you for being better than them and they'll envy you for any good trait you have that they lack, which many times, is their own fault. I had one pickme friend that was jealous of the discipline I had, in terms of eating healthy and exercising. She had no discipline and would make snarky remarks about how I'd eventually become lazy. She also said that my discipline was unrealistic. She would always have a scowl on her face whenever I would talk about a guy I was seeing. If looks could kill, I would've been killed over and over. She would give me death stares anytime I talked about anything good in my life and a few times, while talking to other people or watching TV with her, I would catch her, through the corner of my eyes, giving me the coldest, meanest stare possible. I can only describe it as a look of pure hate. The first time I caught her doing it, I was legit frightened.
Pickmes are like insecure men - they blame their issues on innocent women and go out of their way to hurt women who did nothing to them. Pickmes also hate female friends that care for them because they deem you better than them and hate you for it. They feel that it's unfair that you didn't go through what they did which increases their hate for you.
Stay away from pickmes at all cost. Many of them let their jealousy go as far as them killing their female friends or arranging for men to hurt or kill them. How do I know? There are lots of stories in the news and if you watch the Investigation Discovery channel, you'll see stories of female friendships that take a dark turn because one friend is angry that the guy she likes, likes her friend. Pickmes are crazy - stay away from them!
Ugh. Sis same. I have a few posts written here about the last pickme I had to deal with. I always get my hopes up that I'll finally build my girl gang😂
Shitty ones! I’m tired of getting my hopes up. I thought she was cool but nope, just another sly backstabber making up lies. I don’t even know what to tell everyone.
I honestly think many people expect too much from their friends and have an idealized, a little naive picture in their heads of how they should be and what they should do for them that no real, adult woman with her own life and needs can live up to and are disappointed when they don't. Add the completely unrealistic way adult friendships are portrayed in the media (e.g. a close friend group of 5 people who are all over 30, work full time and have partners and/or kids but still meet or at least talk basically every single day and drop everything in a heartbeat when one of the others needs something).
It's fine to have different friends for different needs and interests you have. A friend can't replace a therapist, mother or partner and it's unfair to expect the same level of attention, time and emotional labor from a person who has their own life, responsibilities and other people depending on them.
Agreed. I’ve been on both sides of this- expecting too much and also too much being expected of me.
But it us disappointing that boundaries and reasonable expectations are rocket science with a lot of women I have encountered.
I feel ya op.
Unknown member
Nov 13, 2022
I only tell my mom any personal details of my life or a therapist rather than a friend. Most people can’t be trusted these days and its so sad how pickmes will be jealous of other women, compete with them and throw them under the bus.
i’ve been there again and again. I’m my own best friend now and there is now so much peace in my life.
Same here. There's so many selfish childish abusive people in the world now that I don't have any cheer up story to create a fake future. Truth is people suck and when they do do anything, it's mostly for a selfish reason.
Unknown member
Nov 13, 2022
Replying to
this. a hard lesson learned over and over again. At this point only one or two good friends is good enough, but if it’s just me and my pet then so be it.
Unknown member
Nov 13, 2022
i have a male friend who is better than all my female friends combined. let that sink in for a moment.
Unknown member
Nov 13, 2022
Replying to
I know, right? he's a great friend and currently the only one who puts on effort to keep our friendship alive.
Unknown member
Nov 13, 2022
Replying to
i understand that. well, he's the only male i allow in my life. we've been friends for almost 10 years and he's far from low effort. friendships require maintenance, especially when you're an adult with a life and schedules. he lives in a different continent with a different timezone and we still manage to talk and interact regularly. that's way more than my female friends who live in the same area do. they always give me limp excuses when i invite them to go out, they rarely message me and don't even get me started with birthdays... it's very sad.
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I had to sit by myself for a long time, working on myself, getting rid of toxic people to make space for new people in my life. After about five YEARS I have a group of wonderful women friends! We are not all in the same group but they are all connected to me.
I randomly reconnected with someone from my hometown, got back in touch with a cool witchy woman in her 70s I was in a book club with 20 years ago, reconnected with a long lost family member who reached out to me and I love her so much, reconnected with a college friend....all feminist, fun, kind women.
I’ve also found a little circle from my local Buddhist center and we meet up every Sunday for coffee. We have the most wonderful long conversations about politics, history, spirituality, life.
But y’all I had to keep my guard up against pickmes and fair weather friends! I let some relationships die and actively ended other relationships. I believe that when you are attached to toxic and unhealthy people the universe will not send healthy people your way.
I've had that happen to me too! I've cut all of them off because they're all nutcases. Instead of doing something to fix their insecurities, they decide to be nice-nasty, hot and cold and competitive. I see them for what they are - damaged people who need help. I've learnt that just like how women should stay clear of broken men that need our help, women need to stay away from pickmes.
After you're kind enough to be their friend, listen to their sob stories and encourage them, they will spend their time hating you for being better than them and they'll envy you for any good trait you have that they lack, which many times, is their own fault. I had one pickme friend that was jealous of the discipline I had, in terms of eating healthy and exercising. She had no discipline and would make snarky remarks about how I'd eventually become lazy. She also said that my discipline was unrealistic. She would always have a scowl on her face whenever I would talk about a guy I was seeing. If looks could kill, I would've been killed over and over. She would give me death stares anytime I talked about anything good in my life and a few times, while talking to other people or watching TV with her, I would catch her, through the corner of my eyes, giving me the coldest, meanest stare possible. I can only describe it as a look of pure hate. The first time I caught her doing it, I was legit frightened.
Pickmes are like insecure men - they blame their issues on innocent women and go out of their way to hurt women who did nothing to them. Pickmes also hate female friends that care for them because they deem you better than them and hate you for it. They feel that it's unfair that you didn't go through what they did which increases their hate for you.
Stay away from pickmes at all cost. Many of them let their jealousy go as far as them killing their female friends or arranging for men to hurt or kill them. How do I know? There are lots of stories in the news and if you watch the Investigation Discovery channel, you'll see stories of female friendships that take a dark turn because one friend is angry that the guy she likes, likes her friend. Pickmes are crazy - stay away from them!
Ugh. Sis same. I have a few posts written here about the last pickme I had to deal with. I always get my hopes up that I'll finally build my girl gang😂
I don't have stories because I sure as hell am in the exact same spot 🥲
I honestly think many people expect too much from their friends and have an idealized, a little naive picture in their heads of how they should be and what they should do for them that no real, adult woman with her own life and needs can live up to and are disappointed when they don't. Add the completely unrealistic way adult friendships are portrayed in the media (e.g. a close friend group of 5 people who are all over 30, work full time and have partners and/or kids but still meet or at least talk basically every single day and drop everything in a heartbeat when one of the others needs something).
It's fine to have different friends for different needs and interests you have. A friend can't replace a therapist, mother or partner and it's unfair to expect the same level of attention, time and emotional labor from a person who has their own life, responsibilities and other people depending on them.
I only tell my mom any personal details of my life or a therapist rather than a friend. Most people can’t be trusted these days and its so sad how pickmes will be jealous of other women, compete with them and throw them under the bus.
i’ve been there again and again. I’m my own best friend now and there is now so much peace in my life.
i have a male friend who is better than all my female friends combined. let that sink in for a moment.