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Ladies, whenever we spend prolonged time with a person, we get to know them and empathize with their humanity, their hopes and dreams. We fall for the shared chemistry and good memories made. Until they wrong us. Grievously, terribly so. Or maybe it's just a paper cut that happens again and again until it's death by a thousand cuts.
We want to rail against them, we instinctively feel we deserve better but it's so difficult to cut them off in the face of their humanity, the secret things and little habits we know about them, how difficult it is to abandon the secret language that only the two of you speak!
So we recall the bad times, we tell ourselves they're a monster, the devil incarnate. And yet that doesn't ring quite true, you keep remembering the good times or the little things they did for you. Truth is, we seldom meet people that are completely black and white, good and evil. Real life exists in shades of grey. But guess what, empathizing with their humanity isn't going to stop them from fucking you over!
He's got unresolved abandonment issues from his abusive family and you feel so sad for him, because you too understand how he feels! Yeah that's not going to change the fact that he's self-centred and doesn't fulfill your needs because it's too much effort for him, and he'd rather get away with doing nothing.
And thing is, unless you cut him off, you're gonna keep letting him get away with doing nothing and you're gonna keep letting him fuck you over. The truth is, you may empathize deeply with their humanity but they may have not considered yours for even a single moment. Or perhaps they have, but they'd rather reap all the benefits of an unequal relationship dynamic. Sometimes, one does not need to be maliciously cruel to deal incalculable damage, just careless and entitled.
Every heard the phrase to understand all is to forgive all? Not true. At the end of the day, we can understand person deeply, feel for them and empathise with their humanity and upon recognizing that they will fuck you over again and again, decide that they have no place in our lives, or can only play a very limited role.
Empathizing with them won't stop them from fucking you over but having strong boundaries will.
I love this because it's so true, something I came to understand about men and is something I'll never forget about them.
Men care only about themselves. A woman's goodness towards them doesn't do anything but make them flinch in disgust or discomfort because they know they don't deserve the goodness they're being shown which makes them either run away from it or stay to use it against the woman because they don't respect her for being kind to them.
"Sometimes, one does not need to be maliciously cruel to deal incalculable damage, just careless and entitled"
just careless and entitled
just careless and entitled
just careless and entitled
just careless and entitled
I had so much love and understanding for my ex’s but OP is quite right, it meant sweet fuck all with regards to how they felt entitled to treat me.
I just change their name in my phone to the worst thing they ever did to me, and that stops me from being stupidly empathetic for men. End the empathy for men. They have none for us.
Holy mackerel, this hit the spot tonight. Thanks for sharing.
This is exactly what I've been trying to work out in my head, Thank You Queen 👸
I'm going to read this over and over again, until it sticks!
Yep that about sums up my experience