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Based on a recent post, I thought I'd share my thoughts on this. How people choose to dress is a red flag for me.
Considering the standards for women dressing 'nice' is in so much more scrutiny, why is it only a big deal when the same scrutinizing lens is applied to men?
You're on a date to give a good first impression. If someone does not care about that, they are showing me disrespect. Ontop of that, they have poor social cues, and I don't want to date someone who that doesn't understand nuances.
Red flag material:
He shows up in work clothes. NO
He shows up with dirt on his person
NO
He shows up with B.O.
NO
He shows up looking like he stepped out of a 90s time portal, the bad one. I'm talking low rise skater pants, chains and a loud shirt
NO
You can see his underwear
NO
Loud shirt
NO
Gym clothes
NO
Off the top of my head, I can think of a few. What are your first date dressing red flags?
Not well groomed - beard and hair Doesn’t smell nice/fresh (doesn’t have to be cologne) Lack of color coordination Ripped jeans Flip flops, slides Converse Hoodies My biggest pet peeve - those dirty sneakers that cost a fortune … so ugly (Golden goose). Pants too low A man in his 40s trying to look like someone in his 20s 🙄🙄🙄 Sweat pants, joggers, sport shorts
I had a date with a guy who really needed a hair cut! I felt disrespected too. He actually brought it up in conversation that he hates having his hair cut and when he was younger he just grew it long because he couldn’t be bothered! Surely he knew it’s important or why would he of brought it up?! That was a no from me lol 👋
If we're going to dinner and he shows up with anything other than a tasteful collared shirt, that's a no. It can be a polo or a button-down but at dinner, it needs a collar. I'm not walking into a steakhouse dressed appropriately on the arm of a man who looks like he's on his way to go do yard work.
Aside from that, he just needs a reasonable sense of style. If I foresee having to help him dress himself for the duration of our relationship, that's a no.
He needs to show up dressed appropriately for the occasion and venue (and weather). For a date in a reasonably nice restaurant that means at least a button-up shirt, nice pants that aren't jeans and shoes that aren't sneakers or sandals, but I'd honestly also expect a suit jacket. If I am wearing a nice dress and evening wear, so should my date. That's it. And unfortunately not as simple and self-evident as it sounds.
Men that can't or don't bother to dress appropriately for occasions are one of my pet peeves. I want to be able to take my SO to a work function, nice restaurant, family celebration, the opera or theatre without worrying that they are going to embarrass me by showing up in ripped jeans and a dirty t-shirt.
Unlike some Queens (and women in general), I have no objection to men with facial hair -- I like it -- but men, YA GOTTA TAKE CARE OF IT. And you must be consistent. If I'm dating you and you decide to to grow a beard, that's cool with me, and thanks for letting me know so I won't think you just forgot to shave. But if you're intending to go beardless for the foreseeable future, then COMMIT to that look, and for crying out loud, if I have a date with you, please be clean-shaven. It's simply a matter of respect. I don't show up ungroomed!
Not mentioned yet: Wrinkled clothes, looks like he picked out his outfit from a sorely neglected pile in a laundry basket or his floor. Warped or misshapen clothing. Shirts with yellow pit stains. Basically any indication that he doesn't know how to or doesn't care about taking care of his clothing if mommy isn't around to do it for him.
Also; - Sweatpants, jogging pants anything that looks like that NO - Sandals and/or flip-flops wtf NO especially since some men couldn't be bothered washing and cleaning their feet😵💫 - Ripped jeans that are ripped on accident idk how to describe it otherwise, just anything that's bruised (?) - Skinny jeans - Shorts Lol I can go on I once had a date with a man who looked like a literal hobo, acted like a hobo (burped and all, it was a fucking disgrace) (Pre-FDS, now I would dead ass walk away)
The bar is so low that when I met my boyfriend I was blown away by his ironed shirt and groomed appearance. It’s so tragic that he stood out for simply being dressed appropriately.
If he's in the medical field and he shows up in any hospital clothing to flex thats just plain nasty. Scrubs? 🤢 Work jacket that conveniently has his hospital and credentials? 🤢 A white coat?!? 🤮 Its not a red flag. Its bio-hazard red flag.
Shorts, open-toe footwear, wearing more jewelry (or any) than I am, heavy cologne..
I dated a guy who went to the night date with a wind breaker old green jacket. The next date he was wearing THAT same shit. Looking like a homeless. It was a such a huge red flag to me. If they don’t put effort to how they look it’s because they don’t really care about what you will think of them.
I agree with all this, and let me flip it around: what about what's good to wear on a date for women? I'm SUPER basic and I own it. I maybe own one dress that's been shoved in the back of my closet for years and I wouldn't consider wearing it or the uncomfortable shoes that go with it, much less pantyhose (BLECHH). The most I would do would be to put on a flowy, floral cardigan (love those), some jewelry, and maybe mascara and lipstick, but that's it. I'm of the firm opinion what you see physically is what you get.
What is B.O?
I'm easy because my clothes are all bought with comfort in mind, so clean, mended if applicable and fitting the occasion is all I require. So no sweatpants at a funeral, no suit in the gym, other than that, as long as it's clean and whole, I'm fine.