Don't want men, but I want a female companion to live with

This is precisely what I've been pondering for a few years. I'm fine without a husband, but I'd like someone to pal around with. Agreed that I'm not moving to go chase the possibility of some guy who may never arrive.

I'm thinking maybe a bunch of women friends move into the same building or buy homes in the same block. I think society will change as cost of living continues to skyrocket.

I think if I didn't have my kids to keep me company (or when they grow up and move out) I would feel the same and would want a female platonic life partner. Actually think it would be nice to have one now and raise our children together. I have grown to be so much more appreciative of the female friends and family members in my life since finding FDS. I now prioritise the women in my life, as I'm not dating and not interested in dating. Actually just today had an all female baby shower and it was wonderful to be surrounded by so many amazing women without a man in sight 😅

For millennia women have been each other's main source of support- emotionally, physically and mentally. Women have taught each other how to navigate life as a woman and been a source of wisdom and companionship to each other. Women worked together and raised their children together. Men have never done this for women. Traditionally marriage was about power, property and reproduction, not love and support. Men are not capable of understanding half of what women go through, so can't provide effective support and companionship even if they want to. These days though it's expected that you'll have all your needs met through your romantic relationship and female friendships are disregarded and low priority. I admit to being guilty of this in the past. Sometimes I do honestly think that society would be better off with sexual separatism, limiting interaction between the sexes to reproduction. 😂

I feel like you took the words out of my mouth. I have been using the phrase "I want a bestfriend who can be my platonic, female life partner" so much. And it is a trend. Don't worry. The official term is 'platonic life partnerships' (PLPs) https://www.google.com/amp/s/nypost.com/2022/02/10/female-best-friends-on-living-in-platonic-life-partnership/amp/ https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/why-my-best-friend-and-i-decided-to-move-in-together-and-co-mother-our-children_n_5b26806ae4b0f9178a9e0322/amp

As a childfree woman in her 30’s this would be my ideal living situation - I’m ok to live on my own, but living with a good friend is so much more fun. I lived with close women friends throughout my 20’s and it was so much more enjoyable and affordable to share domestic duties and spend time together - but this dropped off as they got married, started having kids etc. I really hope this is a trend of women living together and supporting each other - people need community and a traditional nuclear family isn’t the only way (nor did it make most women happy or feel supported). A larger house or a plot of land with multiple dwellings shared and co-owned by women friends - where each can have their own space but also come together frequently - would be the best! Like the FDS forum but in real life lol

Following as I feel the same as you. I'm ok with the thought of not finding a man, but I don't like living alone.

I've been thinking now for a long time that under patriarchy, sex and platonic love are de facto mutually exclusive.

I do believe some men exist who are capable to do both and partecipate in a truly intimate, wholesome lasting bond. But they are BY FAR the minority.

And it's not just men. When life choices are made on the basis of attraction, things are guaranteed to get messy as attraction is highly volatile. Even leaving aside for a moment male violence and men not seeing us humans...Most romantic/sexual relationships are based on mutual idealization, objectification, projection, and high intensity. They might have a place in the human experience in small doses, just like wine, chocolate and candy, but are not the foundation of safe and loving relationships, which nourish our life for real, like carbs, protein and vegs do.

Platonic relationships as the "main course" have to become a thing with the current loneliness epidemic, or people will start to go nuts for real. And they have to become a thing to end patriarchy, because the myth of romantic love as "main course" is the #1 thing keeping women stuck with men.

Like another poster mentioned, there is something called Platonic Life Partners. I've been very interested in the idea for a while now. A woman went viral earlier this year when she shared about her PLP on Tik Tok:

www.refinery29.com

The way that society pressures young couples to get married but can’t fathom two best friends making that same commitment never fails to baffle me. It’s based on one very common and flawed assumption: that romantic love is the best kind of love that exists. While I’m a romantic myself, I can’t honestly say that this has been my experience.

This is her account if you want to learn more about her partnership:

This is also an interesting article on The Atlantic about platonic relationships:

www.theatlantic.com

“Our boyfriends, our significant others, and our husbands are supposed to be No. 1. Our worlds are backward.”

Feminist writer, bell hooks, even wrote about platonic relationships in her book Communion: The Female Search for Love.

More and more, I'm convinced that I can't really find a man who will love me the way I need to be loved. I am not closed off to the possibility of an organic relationship forming, but Western society is raising boys and men to be horribly selfish, detached, and unfeeling. I don't see it getting better. I'm in my 30s, and I just don't know if I'm going to meet a man with the kind of emotional depth and maturity that I need in a loving relationship.

I definitely dream of a communal scenario where women can live together and offer care and support to each other. We were never meant to be so alone and isolated as we are in modern society. We need touch. We need connection. We need to be part of a group where we feel safety and belonging. I would love to live with a close friend or multiple close friends and create a beautiful life together. We could still have relationships, but the friendship would be central. The man would not take precedence over your other relationships with women. He would have to adjust to your life and know that he is not the only priority.

I wish we had more models for this type of setup. People will talk about polyamory until the cows come home but god forbid we be given real-life examples of female communes or platonic life partners. People are more accepting of porn and sexual kinks and "sex work" than of situations of mutual love, care, and support. It says everything about modern life. The only models in popular culture that comes to mind are shows like "The Golden Girls" and "Kate and Allie." That's it. Maybe if radical feminism had not been undermined decades ago, more progress would have been made in terms of creating communal living situations or at least imagining how we could live in a way that decenters men. Maybe FDS could be a space where we keep exploring this issue and creating ideas. This post might be the start of at least asking questions and coming up with possibilities.

I agree, and I think this is more common/becoming more common among women.

I have discussed this sort of thing with some friends, and the most common topic that comes up, as you may guess, is around, "What if I get a boyfriend? Are men not allowed over at all?"

I think the big question here, is do you want a platonic life partner whom you live with who is committed to being single forever, like you (if you are)? Or, are you (or both of you) willing to be flexible in terms of having romantic partners? Would you be open to having a man live with you if your roommate wanted that, or would you want her to leave and then look for a new roommate?

Personally, my ideal "romantic partner" situation would look like this: I have my own place and he has his. We don't live together. So in my mind, I would love to live in a community of women and spend time at his place when I want his company. I would love to find a woman (or group of women) with the same mindset. Set on preserving OUR space, but also open and flexible to romantic male partners.

Also, I want my own space. I would love to have a property with a handful of stand-alone units, or a main house with several in-law units. A communal space where we can get together for meals and socializing, but also our own space if we need solitude.

This is what the original nunneries/monasteries were, before they became religious. Just widowed or single women living together, in a closed community. Caring for each other and tending their gardens. I love the idea, tbh.

i think i kind of get it. i'm sure i'll be happier living alone (still trying to move out from my parents' house), so i don't really crave domestic companioship. but i can imagine what it feels like. having a friend under the same roof as you makes everything less lonely. you can have many of the benefits of iving with a partner without the shit that comes with romantic/sexual relationships.

i hope you can find someone who can give you such companioship. it's not easy to find a good friend...

I love female companionship and I so want this but honestly I would be scared to live with a woman too. Most women are still pickmes and can lead you to your death because of their obsession with their precious and unique Nigel. Even sane women seem to be easily manipulated by men.

Women cohabiting together, with or without children, sounds incredible and so much better for society as a whole than the poor women who are married. The more I know about some of my peers who are married to men, the less I want any of that, frankly, unless I manage to get a real high value man. They exist but they're slim by the time you're in your 30s, let me tell you. Dating sucks.

I feel 100% the same way. Lack of interest in men, recognizing the systemic ways and social conditioning, the tiny percentage that I would find a compatible HVM but don't want to look for or seek it for the mere decades I have on this earth, and at the same time I want community and some sort of partnerships, someone(s) to depend on and enjoy life together.

I recently listened to a great podcast on how the idea of platonic friendship has been devalued in modern society (‘just friends’). These friendships are viewed as less than romantic relationships but that wasn’t always the case. Yes I am a podcast nerd…

Just Friends, by Tapestry CBC

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/tapestry-from-cbc-radio/id250082526?i=1000590441002

This has been done! And can be done again. Women-only apartment buildings. I’d love to see this revived.

https://www.myadea.com/blogs/blog/an-apartment-building-that-s-100-female

Sounds like you want a Boston Marriage haha