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Lately, I have read a lot of social media posts about women questioning if they are being unreasonable for refusing to add their boyfriends to the deeds of their houses, condos, and inherited property. All of them claim to be planning to get married soon but their boyfriend/fiance is pressuring them to put their names on the deeds to their homes. Some have inherited property that would not become a marital asset due to local laws even if they get married.
I'm stunned so many women are questioning themselves on this. These men are pressuring them for this because, at best, they can force the woman to sell it and split the profit and leave. The worst is they may even give them full access to the asset. Marriage is the legal shortcut for sharing assets automatically but it works both ways. Some people are able to set their assets aside from the marriage through pre-nuptial agreements, (every woman needs one.) Marriage is essentially a merging of assets and liabilities. If the man wants rights to your money and property BEFORE getting married, dump him!
Many of the women I read about were giving in because LVM said he's paying into the asset and therefore should benefit from it. He's renting from you. If you feel he should benefit from it in a long-term investment sort of way, figure out something that doesn't give him legal rights to your property's equity.
Even if he's willing to hang out long enough to get married, doesn't mean he isn't planning on robbing you. My 2nd ex-husband was married to me just long enough to get his hands on some of my property and then bailed. He planned it that way.
I can't find the FDS Handbook comments on this because the topic of money and assets are spread out over many subjects. But I recall reading more than once that women need to protect their money and assets carefully when in any stage of a serious relationship with a man. Too many men are content to rob a woman after blinding her with "love." Please be careful and don't fall for this. Until marriage, your money and assets should NEVER be on the table for him to grab. Even when you marry, protect yourself with contracts, trusts and prenups. Most places set aside inheritance from marital assets, but not all. If you stand to inherit anything, make sure your man isn't with you because he's already done the inventory about your future worth. Many low-value men are more than happy to pretend to be HV and just put in the time it takes to wait out your older relatives.
Women are underpaid typically. So when women do well, it's a big win. When women are able to purchase or inherit their own home, it provides the woman with enormous financial stability. Women are also age discriminated against when they reach 40. So the great career a woman has before could evaporate with little explanation later on. This is why it is ever so much more important to carefully guard your assets when you acquire them, and reluctantly share them with a man who may just be scamming you. Your later years in life may be a lot better because you are not fooled into giving away something he has no right to have.
P.S. Sorry for the late edit. I forgot to add that it is important to guard your assets whether married or not. If you preserve your assets for yourself then you will have them later. Maybe you get married, have children then divorce years later. Your assets may be the only thing keeping you from sinking into poverty. They may even be the only thing that makes it possible to leave a bad marriage. They may be the one thing that guarantees you don't live in poverty while elderly. So don't let him get his hands on your assets even if it seems to be for a "good cause" like his business. Protect yourself and the unknown future. The unknown future with men often tends to follow a fairly predictable path.
If you aren't married, don't share anything more valuable than a meal.
I think the first step is - don't date a guy who has less than you do. The imbalance will always cause problems. A guy who has his own will not need to be your tenant.
Excellent advice! Here's another mindset benefit to protecting your assets:
By keeping your assets (property, income-generating business, investments, etc.) to yourself, your mindset shifts from not just expecting better out of your partner, but realistically being able to enforce the consequences of unmet expectations.
Knowing your assets are safe means you'll be less hesitant to tolerate LVM behavior. If your live-in boyfriend or husband gets too comfortable and decides domestic labor isn't his forte, sabotages your work or friendships, farts in his sleep, stops prioritizing your sexual pleasure, fails to care for his health (meaning eventually you'll have to be his nurse 🤮), loses his job and fails to find new gainful employment, you know without reservation that you can give that scrote a 30-day notice to vacate because you will be fine.
A high value woman can confidently stand strong on her own two feet. Every day, she chooses to be with her partner; she is not stuck with her partner.
The long view here is extremely important and hard to see when going through it. Over 60 now and I’ve seen it all. A guy moved in with a friend and ended up with her house when they split. Another one almost lost her house to the guy. I had a husband who presented it as a favour to me (as he did it during my working hours_ when he registered our new car that I took out the bank loan for - in HIS name. After we split, I used it and he threatened to report it stolen. They KNOW and they PLAN to take our resources. I lost most of my assets to him too. My career also evaporated when I neared 40. For women it is vitally important to hang onto any assets we get. Career-wise, a permanent unionized job would’ve been the best way for me to go even if pay was less, for contract jobs will definitely dry up at 40. And if they try to make your life miserable at one location, you could transfer to a new one. I was almost harassed into quitting so a manager could hire his younger girlfriend, that kind of thing. Nearly retired now at a job where I love my colleagues and they even say how nice it is to work with people of different ages. I landed on my feet despite many setbacks due to incredible good luck and good friends and one good husband out of the lot and am financially secure with my own home now. Whew. But it could have gone very very badly and with bad luck I could be homeless and poor. So, keep the long view in mind, hang on for dear life to your assets, and remember, a man must improve and add to your life. Most are a major drain of assets and life energy and it’s often hard to see when this is starting. That’s one good reason FDS is for continuous vetting and being able to get out.
Were people on social media at least calling this out?
Wait really?? Age 40?? But why?