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His answers doesn't satisfy you?
WALK. AWAY.
His breath or body odor makes you nauseous?
WALK. AWAY.
His attitude and non-stop smug ass talking pisses you off?
WALK. AWAY.
He complains when you don't offer to pay half for the date?
WALK. AWAY.
You just plain don't like him (but you can't explain why, you just don't vibe with him)?
WALK. AWAY.
The date doesn't turn out to be as fun as you hoped?
WALK. AWAY.
And so on and so forth -- add your own.
Learn to be more SWIFT with your rejection.
Stop playing nice and wanting to "not hurt his feelings" -- you rejecting him gonna hurt his feelings anyway -- so the faster you cut to the chase, the better.
Stop wasting time and dragging things -- he is going to view you in a bad light anyway (because you reject him, you evil woman!) -- so get up and get it done.
Here's the thing;
Do you like being treated like sh*t and sit in uncomfortableness?
No?
THEN WALK. AWAY.
Just be the villain sis -- he is going to make you into one to his friends and social circle anyway.
No amount of "damage control" you do can satisfy his offended ego anyway.
Learn to be more ALLERGIC to things you dislike in that man and learn to be more knee-jerk in your walking-away-reaction.
It is not your job to "document" how much of an asshole he is, and how many red flags he has.
You just need a couple of minutes sitting down with that man -- you will know already whether he is an asshole or not;
provided that you STOP projecting your idealistic fantasy on him, STOP gaslighting yourself on any discomfort you feel from him, and START observing, really observing the person in front of you.
STOP "logicalizing" any off-ness you feel -- doesn't matter if you are being "paranoid" or "too guarded" or "distrustful" or whatever;
Don't like sitting on that date with him? WALK. AWAY.
It is not your job to PHD-research how much of an asshole he is -- won't make your life better anyway. Leave it to the professionals.
Your job is to be concerned about your own safety and sanity, you reject any and every attempt at making you uncomfortable -- especially on a date.
Courtship process should be fun, exciting, and comfortable -- and he SHOULD make you feel safe and secure ALL THE WAY.
NOT feeling like you are walking on eggshells trying to dismantle a ticking time-bomb.
Reject the idea that you somehow have to "suffer" during courtship process -- BECAUSE YOU SHOULD NOT.
You should feel like you are being courted, NOT harassed or coerced or forced or exhausted trying to fight for his attention.
Reject this stupid notion that women have to "suffer" in relationship -- because that is a disgusting patriarchal LIE.
Why should you suffer while running yourself ragged trying to keep that man happy?
What stupid bullsh*t is this?
Just stop tormenting yourself, sis.
Keep it simple.
He fails to make you happy? Cool, WALK. AWAY. No matter at what point your relationship is.
Really ask yourself just why are you letting yourself SUFFER just to be in this "relationship"? What will you get at the end of the day from this?
Does he somehow treat you better after all your "sacrifices"?
No?
Then WALK. AWAY.
Cut your losses NOW.
WALK. AWAY.
Stop worrying so much about being single and alone -- won't be any worse than the bullsh*t you are already dealing with anyway.
Just WALK. AWAY.
When is enough is enough for you?
Stay safe, Stay WOMAN.
I think the "detective mentality" comes from wanting to "get it right" in a situation of cognitive dissonance.
If I go out with someone and I feel chemistry and attraction, but I also feel something off, I'll be compelled to gather "evidence" to make sure that I was right in feeling off and that I'm not getting it wrong by giving the attraction up.
It kind of works for me to a certain extent, because it does help in not getting carried away. However, the true mindset shift is this: I shouldn't be feeling conflicted or unsure. If there's attraction but something feels off, then it's a no.
Lately I've taken this a step further and told myself that if there's attraction AND something feels off, it's worse than a "no", it's a dangerous situation.
If you can sense (or have proof of) a man's LV-ness but are still attracted to some of his good traits (maybe he's handsome or fun), run twice as fast, as that's an incredibile vulnerable position to be. You're basically setting yourself up for self gaslighting in the future.
This is such actionable, helpful advice. To stop with the fantasizing and daydreaming and projecting and simply look and listen at what’s in front of you.
I made a post about a guy who I liked at first but has a fuck load of red flags and how I felt awful about cutting him off, basically. Then I deleted it bc I was so embarrassed to have given him any time. I finally blocked and deleted last week and feel so much better. Just want to say thanks for FDS for being here and showing me how it's done.
i’m happy to see these post because i’ve been seeing too many women saying we need to shape up and lower standards ti not die alone
Love this post!!