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Hello,
I am 22yo and I had only dated 2 men (both relationship ended but the second one was at least far better than the first one).
For our six months, I asked my first bf to do something to celebrate (Make plans for a special date, or a little gift idk it was up to him!). He NEVER (he was kind and all that but super lazy) made the efforts. At the end he told me "I could offre nothing but my presence" like HE was some trophy (He was the one lucky to have me, I provided mental work for his bad mental health and I was always after him telling him when he should sleep when he should wake up when he should do sport etc because he had a bad life hygiene). Even though, he was ungrateful. He did not appreciate everything I was doing for him (and those stuff were mostly for him so he could get out of depression). Don't worry I was not the one making the chase but still I had all of this work to do... very tiring relationship
My second boyfriend had flaws too. However, that was NOTHING like this. I was not doing anything special (not anything special like the first one, his Life was kind of already figured out). Even though I wasn't doing anything he always showed me how lucky he was to have me ??? I was so surprised because the first one didn't do it once even with all the efforts I made ! The second one was making special plans (not "Classic date") for 0 reasons I didn't even had to ask he would bring me to great place without me having to do anything. (Once again the relationship was not perfect, still has flaw that's why we're not together anymore but he was better than the first one). And he considered himself the lucky one! But he was the one doing everything though! I was positively surprised of this dynamics !! I was here for him and a good girlfriend overall but I didn't do as much work as with the first one.
Moral of the story : for a better dynamics, the guy should feel lucky to have you. He should not feeling like the f**** prize for just existing and being with you. That's Low value behavior. The man is lucky to have a great girlfriend. If he's ungrateful, ditch him. A man of good value will feel lucky to have you even if you do nothing special (as you should as a girl!!!!).
So many men think they’re the prize. They also happen to be the same guys who are underemployed and don’t own their own homes.
Amen to this.
In 2022 I left a millionaire on read because he wasn't excited enough to take me out. No regrets.
A few months later, an old colleague and I caught up over drinks which turned into a steak dinner. He's about 20 years older than me and was delighted to buy me dinner. He kept telling me what a wonderful night he had and thanking me for my time. It cost him about $200 or so to spend time with me that evening. He was over the fucking moon with appreciation.
The difference between their attitudes was night and day. I knew I made the right choice by leaving that guy on read.
Well done ditching the 1st man who was mentally ill - he would’ve made your whole life a living hell with all the caretaking you’d be left to do and not an ounce of gratitude. In my younger years, I turned down a proposal from a guy with undertreated mental illness because I knew I wouldn’t be able to have the life I deserved with him and all 3 future kids I wanted to have with extra help raising them together.
Dumped him when I was 24 after 2.5 years and a weird proposal.... and found exactly who I was looking for (at the time) about a month later, many many years ago. Got to have all the kids I wanted, too.
Never stay with a mentally ill man.
This, this, this. It is imperative to have the man be a little more into the woman than the other way around, because the other way around NEVER works out. Ever. Great thread.