Hi ladies. I posted this back when FDS was still on Reddit and wanted to share it here. I'm copying my old posts here. Hope this helps some of the new ladies. Don't cry, beg, show emotion or overcommunicate when dealing with men. State what you want and leave if it's not met. Men enjoy the crying, begging and emotional outbursts because they know this means that you are wrapped around their finger and will stay. It's a massive ego boost for them to know that they have that kind of power over you. In my late teens and early 20s I was a massive pickme. I didn't understand the true nature of men and dating. I often tried to recreate that intense romance with LVM that media, movies, books and society brainwashed me to think that was the be all and end all of what I needed in my life. I used to cry, beg, and explain till I was blue in the face to LVM that the right thing to do was to treat me with humanity and empathy 🤡 I projected my own empathy and kindness onto them. Begging and pleading and crying made them respect me less, they didn't listen or care. One of the biggest FDS lessons I learnt is that men respond to actions, not reasoning, not emotions, and definitely not you over-communicating. You should not threaten them with leaving either. Leaving a man should be calculated and well planned and thought out. This way you're prepared for any response. Don't go back to them either. Men have less respect and more contempt for women who go back to them. When I've cried and begged to be treated with basic human decency in my pickme days they just stared blank face at my tears or berated me. When I left with no emotion, they cried, pleaded begged and started jumping hoops to give me what I wanted. You can cry to your trusted friends, family, therapist. But don't cry and plead with LVM. You're allowed to feel hurt. Just don't beg. If you're sensitive and cry during a breakup that's fine too. Just be firm in your stance on the breakup, don't explain or beg. You can cry those silent tears while you pack up and leave.
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Men only respond to you leaving. You can talk until you’re blue in the face, and not one word, or a deluge of tears, will move the hard heart of a male. Only being completely rejected and abandoned speaks to a male. Think about it—there are incels and MGTOWs who are still angry at being rejected by 1 of the 8 cheerleaders in the entire high school that wouldn’t f*ck him. They’re terrified of only one thing: REJECTION…not having sexual access to, and control of, the women they want. Every insult they hurl at women tells you exactly what they fear: being alone, being old, being unattractive, being fat, etc. The only way to get what you want from a male is to reject him.
I always wondered, how does a HVM respond to your tears? Most men are lv therefore they respond negatively to women's crying. They act annoyed, they get mad at you for showing emotions and making them feel uncomfortable and, the most sadistic ones, enjoy your tears. "If she's crying then it must mean that she cares" that's what they think. But I still don't know if showing yourself raw and vulnerable is a good idea, even to a HVM. Seems to me that it's always better to rely on family, friends or a therapist. I don't know...
I was there as well when I was younger, so I sympathize with you. *hugs*
I learned that we always seek the things in others that we cannot fulfill within ourselves. So when we suffer because someone else doesn't want to give us love, it usually means that it's because we cannot give ourselves that same love. When we feel rejected because someone doesn't want to be our friend, or thinks we are weird, and doesn't want to talk to us or compliment us, that's because we cannot accept ourselves as we are. I think you get the picture.
I took a screenshot of this beautiful video not too long ago, and I think it needs to be shared:
Once we give ourselves the same love we have been searching for in other men, that is when we can ascend. That is when our relationships become healthier, because we will not tolerate abuse or disrespect anymore. If you set your own bar to how you treat yourself very highly, then it will only take a special type of high value man who would be more than happy to try to reach (and even exceed!) that bar you set up.
Thanks for this reminder. I'm having "the talk" with my husband next weekend, and I keep reminding myself that it's statements and action only.
God, I wish my mom could read this. She’s always stuck trying to communicate with my NEGATIVE VALUE dad.
Agree with all of this sis. Men only respond to consequences. I too learned this the hard way though a string of LVM/NVM exes.
it's very hard not to show any kind of emotion when men make me so fucken angry. that being said, you are 100% right.
I have a hard time because i have genuinely been listened to by men. I personally don't repeat myself because I feel that it just makes you seem like you don't have to be taken seriously. I just move to a consequence because they heard me the first time. Even in work relationships I've had men say things like "you are no nonsense" or "they didn't do that to you because you won't put up with it." I have mentioned things before and never had it happen again ever and over a long period of time. I'm talking years. So I then end up being kinda confused as to whether or not I should communicate in certain instances because it genuinely did help me. I didn't then have to deal with an endless cycle of nonsense. I don't think it's worth it in dating but other aspects where you have to be around men (such as work) I do. What do you guys think? Has anyone else experienced the same?