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In my opinion "HVM" should be a title someone earns. It means someone who contributes value to YOUR life.
Until someone has done something for you they are of zero value.
Awarding the title before someone has done anything for you could cause you to miss red flags, make compromises and exhibit pick me behaviour.
It also makes you more vulnerable to scammers, narcissistic love bombers and players.
Abusive men are experts at faking high value because they know its the quickest way to gain your trust.
Always keep your guard up and don't allow yourself to get stuck on the HVM label.
I have realized that the HVM label causes some women to idealise or pine over certain men. Most men will sense this and take advantage of you.
Always centre dating around getting your own needs and desires met. Forget about the other person and focus on what you want from the relationship instead.
You are always of more value than any man. All Men should work to earn your approval even if they seem perfect on paper.
Stay safe ladies ❤
This! If sometimes a man we've known for years and thought to be HV turns out to be a d*ck, how could we give this tittle to someone we've never even talked to? Not displaying disgusting/porn sick behaviour in public, being able to perform the basic adult functions and being attractive to you doesn't mean someone is HV, it is the bare minimum. And, as you said, the meaning of HV is unique to each one of us. A man could be perfect on paper but if, for example, his lifestyle is really different from yours, he most likely won't be a good match, and ignoring this may cause a lot of problems down the line. I know damn well how difficult it is to not fall for someone with basic decency when we've only met jerks all our lives, but this is why working towards being a complete, stable and independent person by ourselves and stabilishing our standards before getting back into the dating scene is necessary. We must have the means and the strength to walk away at the first red flag, no matter how much in love we are.
Agree! Also it is important to date consistently and keep working to keep yourself HV at any times, so that if you're meeting HV you don't twist yourself into a monkeyball. HV people aren't your superior or your prince charming, they're people that happen to be decent and kind, and you're their equal.
I agree with this 100%. Your focus must be on yourself, your goals, your happiness, your dreams, your plan. A man should complement your life, not be a part of your goals. Having a HVM in your life is a wonderful bonus but it should never be something you're actively working towards. The key to successful FDS dating is remaining passive and letting them come to you. They will show you whether they are LV or HV by their actions--and your job is to let them show you over and over again, rather than making excuses for them or setting them up to succeed (rather than letting them fail so that you can accurately determine that they are LV).
We are socialized to help men deceive us about their intentions and value. Shake off the chains of that socialization and let men show you who they are. This takes time and seeing them in many different situations over a period of at least a year and probably longer. Make him earn that title every day, consistently, forever.
Thank you. So tired of this title being thrown around willy nilly
Facts