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A few weeks ago I found out the guy I was dating was not at all who I thought he was, and the story of how it came out has been morbid and disturbing. I feel I can't say this to everyone because it involves his ex gf dying and I realize that isn't about me.
Some of the details of how these truths came out would take more energy than I have to type out right now, but basically, his most ex girlfriend died in a gnarly boating accident where a drunk driver flung her off an innertube and into another boat due to speeding. My (now ex) bf didn't have social media and I had no idea who his ex even was until this happened. I'm a 30 year old woman, he's 31, and the ex gf was 23 when they dated. She looks very young and was very beautiful.
When he told me about this ex dying, it ended up coming out that he had still been talking to (and possibly sleeping with) the first couple months of our relationship. He also kept a bunch of sex tapes they made together on his phone and he admitted he used them to get off throughout our relationship when confronted. I have been feeling awful about this - I know I am beautiful and have a nice body, I workout, take care of myself etc. But this was the first person I had been intimate with in 2 years and I took my time before letting him in which he knew. He just used the fuck out of me. And all this information came out within hours of him telling me about her death, so it all hit at once.
It was also revealed that he kept her death hidden from me for 3 full days and had been texting her friend about going to the funeral etc the same day he took me to meet his family for the first time, all while sitting beside me acting like everything was completely fine. WTF?
And he still didn't mention her death until the next day AND had already known over 24 hours at this point. I honestly don't think he would have told me at all if he thought he could have kept it hidden. He on some level knew it would reveal the truth about everything.
Something about seeing that girl's face on the news with a horrific death story to seeing videos of her being intimate with my boyfriend in the same spot on his bed with the same bedsheets we had sex on and everything, all within a span of a few hours will be forever imprinted into my brain. And the sociopathic nature of just sitting beside me and casually texting his plans to attend her funeral while not even acting like anything had happened. I don't think I could even see a squirrel get hit by a car without saying something, yet alone hide a WHOLE ASS DEATH OF AN EX.
Ugh. Just needed to vent. I have so many mixed emotions. Fortunately I was able to delete the videos off his phone. Her religious family would have been livid and I doubt he would have been allowed to the funeral if they knew.
Block all his phone numbers, emails, and social media, if you haven’t done so already. Block his family and friends. All of them.
Make sure this scrote, from now on, will have absolutely no access to you for the rest of your life.
Be the ghost that never existed in his life.
I understand the trauma he put you through. Nothing but time will help you move on. So give it time. Make sure you never contact him again, and vice versa.
He has some serious mental facilities lacking if he is able to do that. I can't comprehend. So sorry you went through this.
Get rid of him asap
He did it intentionally to triangulate you with another woman. If it's any consolation, he used her just as much as he used you. Shes not better than you and youre not better than her in his mind..youre all the same objects to him and replaceable. He's a user that's just who and what he is..he deserves to be locked up in prison for being the pervert and deviant he is. She died a horrific death but also was complicit in cheating with him in you..you know about karma right? Karma never misses an address. He's most likely a narcissist or sociopath as 99% of men nowadays are. That's why I gave up dating 6 years ago at 27. You can't win with these sociopaths they're always 1000s steps ahead of you. Hes sick and a sadistic manipulator and traumatized you on purpose. You build yourself up and these men get their toes in the door and tear down everything you tried tk build out of spite and envy. The only way to win is not to play. There's a cool women only village in Kenya called Umoja, I recommend watching about it on Youtube.
I am so sorry this happened to you. ❤️🩹😞 It is heartbreaking to be deceived like that.
I can relate, as I had a terrible similar experience with a master manipulator. It’s disorienting and traumatizing to discover all those betrayals.
IMO - even with fabulous vetting and all the FDS rules followed, there are sometimes men who sneak past every gate. They are experts at fooling everyone. And friends are SO GOOD at making excuses for men’s bad behavior - it makes us doubt ourselves.
I haven’t dated since my devastating betrayal. It’s been 2 years. Take your time, process it in therapy, and decide what is next for you.
Here’s hoping you heal completely. 😞❤️🩹