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So I was reading another post on FDS about finding men attractive or not. I have a general question for anyone who would like to engage.
I was in group environment a while ago when a woman brought up her discovery of the term "demisexual." Suddenly she had a way she related to her sexual feelings about men, and described what it meant. I resonated with the description, but I never thought to assign myself to the asexual spectrum. I simply thought this was how most women are.
My understanding of demisexuality is that you don't have sexual feelings the emotional connection is built. This is true for me. I can feel an attraction and warmth for someone without immediately wanting to jump into bed, though admittedly this happens very rarely. I think integrity and goodness are the most sexy traits available, and to sleep with someone I don't respect is icky. If I don't get to know them, how do I know if they are a good person?
I have a sex drive, and it's pretty high. I also find sex to be an important part of a relationship. That's why I don't consider myself on the asexual spectrum. As far as I see it, it's simply having high standards for who I want to sleep with.
I wonder if the baseline is man, and women who don't want to sleep with every individual with a pretty face or a nice arse are just regular women. But we ascribe them a label because the default human is of course male.
Or possibly I've just learned my lessons too well: become attached to men and bad things happen. Easier to stay out of it.
So I find myself wondering just how other ladies experience sexual attraction?
Demisexual is just being normal. This is porn culture.
I feel like the label arose from women being pressured into sex when they are not keen or ready. It's sadly a lot easier to say "Sorry, I'm demisexual" than "please stop badgering me for sex, I'm not sure I'm even into you"...because if you do, you get called a frigid prude (two of the most annoying terms in the english language).
I think "demisexual" is the baseline for the vast majority of women because female sexuality comes with way more risks than male sexulity, and therefore a secure attachment means more/actually enjoyable (and safer) sex. You are right in thinking that this has been used because the "baseline is man". We've lived in patriarchal societies for long now, so man = default, and anything that diverges is seen as odd. The demisexual label is unnecessary.
We live in a society where we are treated like an outcast If we don't conform to our sex-obsessed culture. As you age you'll come to understand that you simply have a healthy perspective on life and that everyone else is hiding their depression through their sexuality.
In my, experience, people who are always talking about their sexuality 24/7 are hurting. You can see the pain in their eyes as they try to convince themselves they're sexually adventurous. They're self-destructive and will try to other you to gain what little control they have over their life.
I used to identify as demisexual (possibly even asexual). But then i realized that i was pathologizing my own lack of interest and participation in today’s porn-sick culture, when maybe I’m not the problem. I’m also on the autism spectrum (high-functioning, supposedly), and i’ve noticed that almost every autistic woman (and many men) i know could qualify as demisexual. My own parents could qualify as demisexual. I think demisexuality is just natural behavior for women unaffected by today’s pornified culture. We’re the gatekeepers of whose genes get passed down, so we’re supposed to be choosy.
I've identified as demi sexual for years now, for many reasons. First, an attempt to explain my sexuality to porn sick men, as they seem to think everyone operates like them. Second, because I genuinely feel like people, including women, are more sexually attracted to strangers and celebrities than I am. I have wondered if this is simply being a woman - as guys who ponder it simultaneously watch porn and the only people who i relate to about demi sexuality is other women. However ive watched both men and women hook-up with strangers and say how "hot" a man/woman is. I started to feel alienated like I was the only person among everyone I know who doesn't find a person "hot" until I have an emotional connection with them. Then I find them really attractive even if they aren't by societies standards. Generally I agree that it is a label born from a sex obsessed porn sick culture.
IMO, women shouldn’t need to ‘other’ themselves with bogus labels just because they’re not pornsick. If you find yourself saying “I can’t feel a desire to have sex with this handsome stranger until I know that he’s safe and respectful,” that’s just your basic instinct to survive taking over, not your libido. Sexuality can be complex, but if you’re only attracted to male sex partners, you’re probably heterosexual. If you’re only attracted to male partners that display kindness and respect, you’re an intelligent and emotionally healthy heterosexual.
I met a guy on OLD who pulled this whole "demisexual" thing. It turns out it was a manipulation tactic. He asked for nudes after one date and thought a proper second date was at his apartment. And he talked about sex a lot. Oh but he felt SO connected me after the one 3 hour date. Thank God I found FDS long before that clown 😂
I had never even heard of this before but it seriously sums up my whole sexuality 😂 nice to have a label for myself finally
I had never even heard of this before but it seriously sums up my whole sexuality 😂 nice to have a label for myself finally