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I'm getting to know this guy in some of my college classes. We're both around 20-21 ish. Things are friendly between us and I think there's mutual interest. Some notes:
I was the one who initiated conversation after one of our classes.
I've been a helpful friend and introduced him to a few people I know in the deparmtent.
Our first time studying together (yesterday), he opened the invitation and I asked if I could meet him.
After studying, at around midnight we headed towards where I parked and his direction home. At the place where I was going to go to my car (through a covered construction walkway, at MIDNIGHT, in a city, literally a few steps down), in a different direction from where he was heading, he DID NOT walk me to my car????
I want to know what y'all think. Is this a cultural thing? (Guy is from the UK as an exchange student in the US...) We've only been speaking to each other for slightly more than a week. Is this something I can bring up and ask? Or is this hopeless lmao. I've never been in a relationship! Also, just in general, what is some advice for being "high-maintenance" and getting what you want without being rude? What are some things I can practice? As someone who tends to be a people-pleaser, I want to get better at this.
First of all, stop being a people pleaser.
It seems like you’re displaying only pick me behavior, example:
YOU initiated conversation with him, YOU introduced him to people,…
When it mattered, HIM walking you to the car at midnight, he didn’t step up and do the right thing. He‘s a LVM and most likely not interested in you.
It doesn’t matter if he’s from the UK or Saturn, a guy who’s interested in you or cares about you or your safety, will do the right thing (walk you to the car, when it’s not safe for you).
My advice for you: work on your self esteem and leveling up and recognize when a guy is not into you. We, as women, don’t chase men EVER.
Also, as you’re a people pleaser, learn to say no or else people will use you.
“Mutual interest” this ends with him being a bad friend and then pushing you for sex one day when you’re alone and he’s going through a dry spell.
As someone from the UK, it's not a cultural thing. If a guy cares about you enough, he'll walk you to your car. It sounds as though you're the one doing the chasing and he isn't that interested. Try to work on levelling up first before you start dating.
As for getting what you want without being rude, having strong immovable boundaries is the first step! If you say you're going to do something, always do it. If you say you won't do something, never do it. This really helps other HV people respect you and the LV ones will start to avoid you.
I'm the same age as you and I think it's better to focus on your studies and career more than some guy. I just want to share what I read in the past on FDS subreddit, I hope it helps. https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/otk8va/why_i_stayed_single_in_college_and_why_you_should/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Dude my brother in law walks me to my car lol come on!!
As a high maintenance woman I just expect men to do what I want. I expect the man asking me out to have a date planned. I also expect him to show up early, well dressed, and to be on his best behavior. I expect he shows me a good time, is respectful, and pays for the date. I expect him to walk me to my car and to not expect anything in return for the day. I expect him to meet my standards without telling him what they are so that way I know he’s genuinely a good, generous, kind, thoughtful man. I say thank you, I smile, and I appreciate the effort made, but if no effort is made I just don’t talk to them anymore, nor do I date them. My time is valuable, my peace is valuable. “If he wanted to, he would” is my favorite mantra because it’s true! While my exes had their faults, they would have never let me walk to my car alone! That’s just mean. Even my friends walk me to my car and make sure it starts before leaving. Him letting you walk ALONE and at MIDNIGHT to your car is so LV, I’d never speak to him again. I’d also have never asked him out nor chased him in any way. You gotta let guys ask YOU out and be the ones to chase you. He might be cute, but he’s not interested (and a LVM) and so he’s a waste of your time. Right now you’re young and in college. Focusing on your studies and career are going to be the best things you can do for yourself. If a man comes along whom you like and pursues you, go for it! Casually dating is fun in college and you don’t have to have sex nor try to make it a long-term thing. It can just be relaxed and fun. Dating just to date is a good way to practice boundaries and see what you like. But focus on yourself for now and let dating fall to the bottom of the priority list. An education is MUCH more important. Good luck, chica!
Sorry to say this but you’ve been doing all the work here. Pull back and see if he comes to get you x