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I have a friend who was part of my friendship circle when I lived on the other side of the world. We’ve stayed in touch and she’s got a bit of a rep for being tricky/quite high maintenance but lovely.
She’s back over here (UK) visiting her family until the new year. Back in 2018 I went to stay with her at her parents so it's been a while since I’ve seen her in person.
We had tentative plans to meet this month and I got in touch. First response was I was welcome to stay at her parents again (some 5 hours from me) and I tactfully suggested a different city.
She then wanted to know if I was happy to tag along whilst she meets friends she knows in that city and I told her I’d prefer not to be a third wheel. I suggested she spends two days with them, two with me and I’d book it off work.
So she confirms the days. I send a hotel option and she tells me she’d rather share a room to keep costs down. 😮💨 Wants *me* to call the hotel to find out options which I pushed back on 😆.
Then it turns out she doesn’t want to spend more than £60 on a hotel for the night. 🤷♂️
I feel a little bristly at a few things here but not sure how best to handle without detonating the friendship entirely.
1) I'm offering to drive nearly 4 hours (to her 1 hour) to see her ass for the second time. I know that pales into comparison when you've flown for 19 hours but it's still a gesture that I feel is being overlooked here
2) I understand she wants to see people en masse seeing as she's this side of the world but being a gooseberry isn't for me. Atleast I straightened that one out
3) Her money concerns amount to a £30-40 difference to the place I suggested. I'm trying to be sensitive about her wanting to keep her costs down but I want to stay in comfort when I've made a long drive down AND taken time off work to see her. I appreciate this is perhaps easier for me
Am I being queen petty here/having an empathy bypass? I definitely feel way less enthusiastic about this trip than I did earlier!
Are there hostels in the city she could stay at? That would solve her room problem and not inconvenience you
As someone that moved away from my home state about 3 years ago, I can empathize with your friend. I'm about a 2 hour flight away from friends and family and 1) Only certain family members have visited me a total of 2 times since I've moved away 2) a total of one friend has come to visit since everyone has kids, etc.
Every time I go to visit family, which is often (about once every two months) I get all these friends saying come visit me! And I spend an entire week trying to jam pack my schedule, figuring out transportation logistics, and still wishing I had more time to spend with people. I can understand why she would want you to stay at her parents. Especially if they are getting on the older side.
Maybe the agreement is that when she's in your country, you do the drive to see her, and when she's in your country vice-versa? Also, what is being a gooseberry??
Do you have an update? Curious about how this worked out!