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I was in class, and I started chatting with the guy next to me over Word (we were typing jokes on our respective computers about the course together). That sounds all fair and square--but then he sexualized my joke.
I was typing smth about a joke I told someone else before today (as a joke): I was telling someone I wanted to go to the toilets today, and then when that someone replied "go!" I said "I'm not x (x being a famous historical woman who refused to be ordered and is featured in the class I study with the guy who then later sexualized my joke, the joke being that I refuse to be ordered)
Then after reading it the sexualizing guy typed on his computer the following thing: "well you know what they say, better in than out".
I immediately gave him a WTF look and typed WTF (and also explained the joke a bit to defuse it from the sexuality he attached to it) to which he started typing and saying things like "I got carried away", "I'm sorry" more and more as he saw I'm still not okay with it.
At the end of the lesson, he started telling me about how excited he is about the next lesson, to which I replied in an indifferent but polite manner (after he made that joke, I just couldn't look at him without feeling disgusted), and he caught on to that and started apologizing again. I could then voice what was bothering me, not his misunderstanding of the joke but his sexual interpretation of it and told him that it made me uncomfortable, to which he says he didn't mean, but his "I got carried away" stuck in my head as if he meant "us laughing at each other's joke made me fantasize (complete the sentence)".
Back in the past, I would usually ignore these things but I now refuse to ignore my feelings and be ok without what a guy says so as not to make a big deal out of this thing. That's not to say I would be emotional about something, but I allow myself to ignore or not be nice to someone when I feel that they deserve it, AND ACKNOWLEDGE it when I feel that way, in large part due to FDS as well.
I don't know this guy very well but I feel like I'm not gonna joke around with him anymore. He's not necessarily a scrote but I have let guys off the hook with this kind of thing way too often in the past and would feel a bit as if I was disrespecting myself if I were to be too friendly with him again (that's not to say I won't be nice). I just hate it that I might have to reconsider my words even when joking around with guys my age about something non-sexual in a completely platonic way. It's a shame I'll have to be indifferent to him from now on as it was nice joking in class till that moment. Yeah, guys suck.
What do you think about the story and my reaction? Would you have acted the same way? Do you have any advice on this issue? Should I only joke around with guys I know wouldn't be creepy around me?
Personally I would just have turned and given him "the look" You know what I mean? Just blankly stare at him and raise my eyebrows, and hide my lips, like "Well, that wasn't that funny" and just disengage completely. No WTF, no opportunity to apologize, no nothing. He is a grown man, even if he is a young adult or something. He knew exactly what he was doing. He was testing the waters and seeing how you would react. He knew there was a chance of you reacting negatively, but that's worth the risk for men. They love to see our reaction, even if it is negative. No reaction is better than a bad reaction.
He saying he got carried away is more of a red flag, because he is saying that he can't control himself. Men will be saying that All. The. Time. And us responding and explaining will not teach them anything other than how to decieve other women in the future.
That's my opinion.
That being said, I am not saying your reaction was bad. And no, you are not overreacting. Good you could cut him off, he was just going to test you even more in the future. I know you know that. Good job queen!
I think you did the right thing. Men who sexualize platonic situations tend to be p*** sick. I think it's fine to joke around with men, but as soon as they cross a boundary, remove yourself from that situation which you did beautifully here.
i don’t really understand the joke, but yeah, its definitely inappropriate to joke about that stuff to a woman you just met, in class none the less
I would make the scrote uncomfortable by making hardcore homosexual jokes at him...scrotes suddenly understand harassment when their buttholes gets involved.
I totally understand what you mean. I have had this moments where a guy says something sexual and it just makes me so disgusted. I dont even feel angry, its just discouraging and disappointing. Sometimes it was so bad that I couldnt even look at them anymore. I know this feeling, it really does suck and is just a reminder that men dont have the same experience as us. Its just ridiculous, we arent even these solely sexual beings they make us out to be, if anything, its them.
I think if you’re older than 16 , you’re too old to sexualize every innocent comment
Thank you all! God knows that this validation is priceless as I used to have unworthy men gaslighting me a lot and since discovering FDS I've been getting a lot of confirmations to stuff I've felt but haven't been able to express or explain. Y'all are Queens😊