Dating While Fat (FDS PODCAST EP. 80)

ive been skinny

ive been fat

men are always bad in the sack

It was brave of Savannah to share details of her weight loss surgery with us - and to confront the realities of how it isn’t the “easy way out” for weight loss. I’ve never been a bigger woman, but I have seen it with other women when they’re bigger, men automatically assume they have low self-esteem and treat them accordingly. One thing that wasn’t mentioned in the episode, is the term “slump buster” where men will use a bigger woman for sex when they’re going through a dry spell. One to watch - especially on nights out.

I'm overweight and I still get just as much attention from men as I did when thin. And I still think I'm too good for most/all of them 😂

I'm glad you guys brought up food deserts, food quality and soil quality. I'm trying to learn about permaculture so i can make growing food easier. I think now more than ever people need to start what's called a Victory Garden.

Also yes, bananas are shit now, not only in nutrients but taste. The real banana went extinct i think in the 50's? And real original bananas were super sweet and tasted like what we know as artificial banana. Its bullshit lol. That's the only thing im jealous of about people in the olden days. The food lol. Fuck everything else though

I'll give this a listen. I gave up trying to date when I was really overweight because the pickings were horrible. Being a black woman in the scene, dating was already a challenge because not many people were keen on dating my particular demographic. The extra weight was a literal burden.

I decided to go back out on the scene when I lost the weight, which funny enough didn't happen until 2020 😆. Tried the apps this year but I'm not hard up for it. The universe is a jokester.

Thank you so much for talking about this. I'm also a woman who had gastric sleeve. I went from being completely invisible to men to getting attention and it turned me off. What I used to do, and still kind of do, is when I was heavier, I didn't want to date any man that would want to date ME. 'Whats wrong with him' and 'im not dating a guy who would date a slob like me.' Yea, im f'ing harsh on myself and im working on that. I've been single for a very long time because at this point men are just a pain in the ass I dont want in my life. Why am I listening to female dating strategy then? I really enjoy everyone's thoughts and experiences. Anyway, thanks ladies for discussing this, I enjoyed the show 🧡

What a serendipitous episode I've fallen into a bit of a YouTube hole right now of criticism of the Fat Acceptance movement which feels honestly more of a "fuck skinny women" movement and telling people that if you're not fat you aren't allowed to use the "body positive" label for yourself.

Thank you for calling out the Dad bods vs Mum bods hypocrisy Queens 👏 and thank you for sharing Savannah that's brave and glad you're recovered now, sepsis is scary stuff. Listening to the 3 Queens is my form of self care when bubs has gone to bed/in the car for work so I was a little worried when Savannah disappeared for a bit thinking is it covid, or worse.

Was it just me or did anyone else get Lizzo's 2 Be Loved stuck in their head after this episode? her VMAs performance there were dudes in the audience (probably famous, I don't know people anymore I'm old haha) who did not know where to look or how to react! 🤣 It's like their masculinity was confused; am I attracted to this beautiful woman, do I look or look away, this isn't what porn tells me to like *spontaneously combusts* 🤣🤣🤣 Highly recommend watching Lizzo's VMA performance on YouTube for the reaction of scrotes in the audience.

I've been overweight (which looked worse because I was short and carried it in my belly) as well as being so thin that I was underweight (the patriarchy would have called me "flat" and "built like a little boy") and let me tell you that it's not your weight: scrotes are scrotes no matter what you look like. when I was really thin I happened to encounter the most scrotes.

thank you to savannah for sharing her experiences - I especially found the points about having even higher standards as a "fat" woman to be helpful. the feeder / bbw fetish is definitely a thing. the men that would hit on me and my mom who often pretended to be polite and gentlemanly were often the ones with the fetishes!

also beware if you're a thin / fit woman. it goes the opposite way. some scrotes will actually try to fatten you up as a way of negging you, but this is an extreme neg. they want you to gain weight so you loose confidence and feel like he's the only one that wants you. in college, this was guys with drinks: theyre bringing you calorie bombs of mixed drinks, frappachinos and lattes, and even some of those "Healthy" smoothies are chock full of added sugars, fats, etc that they end up being calorie bombs! beware of scrotes that will pick you up take you through the fast food lines enticing you to order things, or that are saying CoME oN why dont you have Just one slice of pizza, or they'll push your. boundaries and diet. watch. they KNOW what they are doing.

This was such a timely episode for me. I've struggled with my weight and yo-yo dieting my entire life and while I know it's unreasonable I blame all my dating issues around weight when really it's my own lack self esteem and frustration with my place in life.

That said I have considered something like a sleeve to help me get to a normal weight and hopefully keep it off for good (though ironically I may not be heavy enough for it). I've battled with this desire for a while, because I really want to decouple my worth from my aesthetic, but it's been such a huge cloud over my worth my entire life. I feel like if I could just be consistently smaller it would take that anxiety away and I could finally focus on other things. I don't even want to snag a man with my body, I just want to not hate what I see in the mirror. It's not even that insane, I just want to be a size 10! I'd be happy at 10 (I'm 16/18 right now, biggest I've ever been).

It's such a layered issue and I'm glad the queens managed to do that complexity justice in this episode, esp not shaming anybody and being completely realistic about what body size means in this society.

I finally listened to this episode. It makes me think of when I was moving out, after breaking up with my ex, who was super manipulative, pre FDS. He said, as I was leaving out the door, "I'm glad you're gaining weight. I hope you get fat so only I can love you" 😨🤢🤮

This was a great episode, thankyou to Savannah for sharing her experiences 💕

I loved this discussion! It made me reflect on my own experiences as I've been overweight on n off throughout my life. I remember I used to be hit on a lot more than my more good looking friends, especially when we were out & approached a lot more by strangers. When I did agree to go out with them, it became very clear they weren't interested in anything serious. S/O to Savannah for being so honest and talking about the details of weight loss surgery.

I looked up 40 BMI for a woman after this episode and made me tear up as I know a lot of women that are around that size who I wouldn't consider big enough to get surgery. Do you think perhaps women of this BMI mostly get these surgeries because the lifestyle change isn't as drastic for them as opposed to bigger women?