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I realize that no one forum can be all things to all women, but I have to admit I'm a little disappointed to keep seeing phrases like "typical boomer" or "boomer issues" in FDS. At no point (at least that I've seen) has FDS been restricted only to women born after 1965 or whatever the cut-off is. I promise you, there are lots of women out in the world who need FDS just as much as a 20-something needs it -- just for slightly different reasons. It may seem like we "boomer women" are old enough that we should know better by now... and sometimes that's true... but other times, we're trying to shed decades of slow poisoning of societal misogyny. Some of us are already here on FDS. Others will find their way here, I hope.
And while, statistically, most baby-boom women are past the age of menopause, danger of pregnancy (or caution about reproducing with possible LVMs) is not the only reason we need to be careful vetters with the men we date. Lots of us are starting out again after disastrous divorces or other breakups, and the refresher course (or brand-new outlook) on FDS principles is like cool refreshing water on a miserably hot and humid day. Some of us have been through the wringer. Some of us are healing from decades of hardship, abuse, or just plain sexist shenanigans. Some of us had fulfilling relationships with stellar men who are no longer alive. Some of us are content to be single; others are ready to take a deep breath and dive back in, with the knowledge that this is a very different world from the one we first dated in.
But we're not off in some "senior citizen" bubble, either. Heck, most of us are probably still in the workforce. And we're not ignorant about online dating, etc. (Many of us were not only getting online in the pre-web days, but were computer-savvy when personal computers were still a glint in IBM's eye.)
And guess who we're sometimes dating? Other "boomers." Yep, the "dusty" older men who receive scorn from a lot of FDS'ers. OF COURSE they aren't meant for younger women (and obviously they shouldn't be hitting on them, and any man who does should be blocked and deleted) but they're not uniformly awful just because of their age. I mean, who would you have us date? Speaking from my personal experience, I have had relationships with both older and younger men (at various ages of my life) and, while I think age-gaps are important, I think another overlooked factor is what age you are when you're looking across the gap -- and what "generation" each of you are in. I know a lot of FDS women are in favor of dating younger men, but again, I think it depends on your own age/stage in life. Say what you will, there IS a difference between a man who grew up with readily-accessible porn vs. a man for whom porn use was still associated with a certain amount of society shame. I'm not saying that older men are 100 percent immune from scrote-like behavior -- no way. I know a few pornsick men who are solidly in the boomer category (older than me) that I won't touch with a ten-foot pole for obvious reasons. OTOH, I know several men (born in 1960 or earlier) who are genuinely shocked and sickened by what's going on. And it isn't just about porn or even just about sex. I am acquainted with too many younger men who don't seem to have any idea where they are in life (these are not college students; they are grown-ass men) and who just don't seem solid. A relationship with a man like that feels like building a house on shifting sands.
There are other inter-generational things that just don't seem to mesh, but I've probably gone on long enough about that. The only other point I want to make is that younger women can sometimes really, really benefit by opening their ears to the experience of older women. "There's nothing new under the sun" and sometimes you'd be shocked at what we've seen, what we've already been through.
Okay, I'll stop now before I start shaking my cane and yelling at clouds. :-)
I really agree with OP.
Too much focus on having kids, I agree. As a Gen Xer who can't have kids, I think my life experience and ability to make a house a home with my very presence is reason enough for a man to treat me as his precious. And we all need to keep vetting men, not just because of potential kids, but because of the danger a LVM poses to every aspect of our lives. Finally, I am genuinely scared of millennial men because they grew up with porn literally at their fingertips. I have heard of women my age shocked at millennial men's predilection for violence in bed. And the Gen Z men (some in their twenties so men) are even worse. Frankly, this porn sickness that is so prevalent everywhere is my biggest reason for not dating boy dads. (The other is that I'm not dealing with extra males.)
It may seem like we "boomer women" are old enough that we should know better by now... and sometimes that's true... but other times, we're trying to shed decades of slow poisoning of societal misogyny.
I've seen someone said to a 21 years old "You should know better by now" on here .... don't worry this argument is pretty dodgy most of the time.
Thank you so much for taking the time to type this refreshing perspective!
I must have missed the boomer hate but I’m sure there is a bit of it here.
i used to be angry at the example my boomer mom set for me by being a “pickme” as fds would define it(didn’t know the word then) but now I feel bad for her and all the brainwashing she has been subject to.
each generation has a different variation of the same issues as the next one. she had the thankless job of servant to my lv (also cheating) dad as well as raising the kids, as well as having a full time night job.
just my own experience, I hope it relates and is relevant enough to your post. but they set it up to where I grew up brainwashed into not respecting all of the things she did and went through nearly as much as I do now.
Yup, fds already has anti-agist beliefs. It's always MRAs talking about women "hitting the wall" at 30 or even 25 sometimes. While proclaiming that *their* value increases with age (because they make more money as they age but also their worst fear is.....gold diggers).
Fds strongly believes a woman is entitled to just as much effort from her partner/admirers at 80 as she was at 20.
We may criticize cultural beliefs from the 60/50s that hamper life now. Just now I was looking at how the modernization of birth by male doctors in the 60s, 50s etc actually made birth more dangerous and could be a reason why America has high death rates for mothers.
I didn't see the boomer comments, but in general, those of us younger than boomer age needs to give the boomer hate a rest. It's tiresome by now.
There's too much rampant assumption that everyone in the same generation move as one, and are all to blame for certain bad things within a certain time period.
Each generation will take its turn getting the blame for the world's problems sooner or later, and it'll be no help in making things better, if we don't collectively get over this ridiculousness and try to work with each other.
Love this. Thank you!
This is so true. As a gen z I can tell you that the ok boomer meme is overused. What once was about critiquing the Faux News demographic is now used at any old person they don't like. In the leftist millennial mind, boomers are the evil white pro-capitalist leeches who profited off the economic work of their elders, who then went off to deny their own children the same comeuppance after filling their heads with lies of a valuable uaable college degree. Oh, and they also knowingly let their children live in poverty while they cruise ship in the Bahamas. And while that is true in a sadly large amount of cases, this doesn't really fit in a feminist context.
I saw a comment on another forum about "matricidal feminism" is now the mainstream feminism. And while we should critique old people who choose to stick in their ways, we should ultimately remember that hating/fearing older women is an axis of our oppression as women. We as a class shouldn't be importing male-based class angst to all situations (like some of us are doing here) because it's just doesn't fit.
It's part of millennial and gen z culture to roast boomers...but I agree, it's not always called for, especially in a place like FDS which needs to stay as open to as many different women as possible if we a) want to affect actual change in our society and b) not turn into either a left wing/right wing/cultish bubble