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I've wrote about my LVM story on here. He pretty much lovebombed me very early on in the talking stage (we were 18 so idk if that even matters) and claimed that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. During our three year relationship, there was no talk of marriage or children. If I remember carefully, he had sent me a meme comparing a woman to something and I noted that I would make a great mother in the future--he freaks the hell out, acting like I'm pregnant with his spawn and I'm just like wtf lol.
Anyways, I've been comparing myself to engaged couples and those who have gotten married. I know that it's not best to think that every couple is in a healthy relationship, as we don't know what happens behind pictures. It's just super hard to not compare--I'm 25 and single and half of me wants to be in a relationship, but the other half is traumatized from what I went through. I broke up with for many reasons, but I always ask myself this "would you want your daughter to be treated like this?" And it's always a no. What happens if we did get married? Had children? A whole forest fire. How do you also know if it's lovebombing or genuine interest?
My estimate is 90% of marriages are unhappy after the wedding. Cinderella gets to be the queen on her wedding day and after that she goes back to being a servant in the corner.
I actually feel sorry for young women I see who are engaged because I know the chances of them being in a fulfilling equal relationship are very slim.
Stay focused on what makes YOU happy and what YOU want for your life, not what might make some man happy or what some man might want. Do you want a pet? Do you love being out in nature and hiking or running? How about your career? What do you want from your work life? How about friends, what about family? Hobbies? Books, spirituality, political engagement? There’s so very much more in life than men.
Source: I've had two beautiful white weddings. One at age 24 in a princess dress in a garden, another in a white sheath dress on a beach at age 45. Ended up being a servant to both men. Cause I didn't know how to vet.
One sign of love-bombing is that he proclaims how much he adores you before he even knows you. If you’ve been on a few dates and he’s talking about how much he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, it just doesn’t make sense, he’s projecting what he wants onto you. Real love feels personalized, intimate, and appropriate. Love-bombing feels dramatic, and flattering if you have low self-esteem, but weird and uncomfortable if you have higher self-esteem and a healthy sense of self. When I was love-bombed in the past, the guy was doing what HE wanted, because I was just a character in his fantasies. When I feel secure true love now, my boyfriend is doing what I want, because he knows and cares about me deeply.
I make the decision between love-bombing and genuine interest like this - If it's constant, like years into the relationship and not in an over the top manner, it's genuine. All the rest, is love-bombing. Love-bombing disappears as quickly as it lands. Also, love-bombing almost always follows a period of constant lows, like the phases where you're always arguing, or being abused, but if a person genuinely likes you, they'll be consistent throughout any phase. I'm sure others can add to this, but I am still learning and this is what I have figured out till now :)
Consistency is imo the key to a healthy relationship. Does he consistently show up for you, or is the attention on his terms only? I think of all the movies where a guy has been emotionally unavailable and can't commit to the relationship, something changes his mind and he does the Grand Romantic Gesture. In the movie this has the effect of fixing everything.
Love-bombing to me is a slightly scaled down version of the GRG - it's more sustainable than holding a concert outside someone's bedroom window every night, but it's based on the man. The man is doing XYZ to show his affection, but he's not being there for the woman when she needs him. He's not bringing soup when she's ill or listening to her complaining about scrotey work-colleagues. Love-bombing is ultimately self-centered.
If he starts off with the intensity then you're probably on a pedestal.
real answer is you'll never know because LVMs can also play the long con. work on yourself first and then the abundant mindset gets easier.