.png)
I'm having a bit of a wobble. I'm a staunch fan of the block and delete approach, and since being introduced to FDS I've been even more ruthless in its application.
The surgeon who didn't confirm our third date due Saturday by Thursday? Blocked. The guy on Hinge who seemed to really struggle to plan a thoughtful date. Bye. General scrotes whose behaviour not worthy of an explanation - b&d as standard in my book.
But I've just extended my ruthless streak and blocked a guy who I had a first date with three weekends ago. He drove to my area, took me for an (unplanned) lunch and made some suggestion of driving back this way for a second meeting before Xmas. It was vague and I wasn't overly excited but enjoyed his company well enough. He was messaging every other day.
However ladies, his updates have been so DULL they could dry paint. Think selfies of him at fancy dinners with no accompanying context. Texts that tell me he's been at the gym (he doesn't appear to have interests beyond looking good). No substance sort of stuff. I mentally deleted him from my scrotation.
So after another vain, context-free picture of him yesterday morning, I simply blocked him. This is party due to waiting on some important info regarding a sick family member and partly because ... I just felt done.
Anyway, this guy almost immediately tried calling and sent me a text asking for an explanation! He's ten years older (I'm 32), we met just once, we had no firm plans to meet again. It seems that him losing an audience member for his narcissism has really thrown him for a loop. I was not expecting him to ring me.
So whilst I would normally feel content in my block approach, I made the mistake of doing a google search on blocking and certain posts are overwhelmingly in favour of providing the blocked party an explanation and telling them you wish to nope out and the reason why! Outside of FDS it's touted as rude and cowardly and I confess I feel a bit guilty on this occasion but don't really know why.
So I'm having a wobble and wondering whether I should have given this guy a heads up and whether I am being too ruthless/cowardly in my approach. Would a slow fade be a better response? A straight up rejection? Or, in the wisdom of Deb Cooper, I don't owe these guys shit.
Your wisdom is welcome.
Tldr: I am a big fan of blocking and deleting but wonder if I'm taking it too far and being a bit of a dick!
You don't owe him shit. And the whole "blocking is mean and cowardly" is *strictly* and *solely* aimed at women.
Men block women after pumping and dumping all the time, I've been blocked for not agreeing to peg men and do weird fetish shit. (Boring, dry sex where we try to copy the tv, no thanks) I've been blocked after having been stealthed and SA'd. Weird how that one is no big deal to both men and women, but blocking a random guy from the internet might hurt his feelings, therefore its a human rights violation. One of andrew taints gospels is that men are justified in physically harming women because "women can just block you >:("
Also I think you're getting the ick from this guy because he is mass sending these pictures to multiple women. Zero conversation, context, or even the attempt to initiate a conversation. You're just a captive audience. This is one of the many things I fucking hate about Snapchat(sm in general too). It gets so old. Stupid and meaningless fucking games. StReAkS. Gotta take a picture of the ceiling or carpet and send a message, not just send the damn message. Its annoying. Even just seeing other people do it is annoying lol.
I've had this very similar situation happen to me with the guy reaching out to me and all. I didn't block him. I thought "well he's reaching out to me maybe he does want to spend time with me?" And nope. He just wanted to keep his views and keep me on the backburner. Its a shit test. Do not "pass" the shit test like I did. Block. Its costs both of you nothing.
Please view the works of our savior Dr. Ramani on YouTube as to why you cannot deal with a potential narcissist with the same mindset and rules as you would literally any other person.
You don't owe him anything. Who sends someone they just met unsolicited selfies at events that have no connection to that someone? Narcissists, that's who. I remember a few years ago having a boring dinner with an obvious narc and deciding not to see him again. I thoughtlessly forgot to block him and he started spamming me with nudes! His genitals were covered with a sheet but he was clearly naked. Like your weirdo, he was significantly older.
Don't feel obligated to treat men you barely know the same way you would treat someone you know and respect. You owe them nothing; you owe yourself everything, especially safety and peace. You aren't a bad person for protecting yourself from mentally unbalanced freaks.
Men ghost us all the time without a second thought even if we have been respectful and good company.
We have the right to do so more so since dating is usually unsafe for us.
You're definitely not being a dick, sis. As everyone who has already commented has said and as I will reiterate, you don't owe him SHIT. Which you already acknowledge above. With that in mind, it might be worth getting curious about where exactly this feeling of conflict within yourself and the feeling of having some sort of obligation to him is coming from. Could it be that something he's said or done has activated it, even subconsciously? This might be the case especially if you don't generally feel this way about other guys. What's different about him and this situation that is making it more awkward for you to B&D as normal? Sounds to me like some sort of low-level manipulation has already occurred which has you doubting yourself. I could be wrong but having been in this position with otherwise 'nice, reasonable' (but actually not really) guys like this myself many times over, it is definitely something to consider.
Bottom line is, you FELT done and that's all the justification you need to BE done. Your inner wisdom (or whatever you want to call it) already knows the score.
Nope nope nope. And dont waste your precious time trying to figure him out. In the words of the generation above me, he sounds like a drag. 😁
An overall decent guy who just isn't a good fit MIGHT deserve an explanation, at your discretion. Someone who subtly makes you feel like you OWE him an explanation is an instant block, just for trying to guilt trip you. He sent you low effort pics, why should YOU go above baseline for him? We always hold ourselves to much higher standards than men do, which is generally a good thing, but scrotes like this really don't deserve it.
Why are woman still dating men MUCH older than them- I thought fds was against that
I wouldn’t block and delete female friends, personally. If there were problems it would be better to communicate and try to resolve them or at least be able to part ways and explain why. In that sense, I can agree with those advice articles. However, with men you date or you’re vetting, explaining why you’re saying goodbye can work against you or other women he comes in contact. If you say, “I don’t want you because…” this gives him an opportunity to “explain himself” and make up excuses. If you were emotionally invested at all or feeling particularly lonely, you might fall for it. Or, the next woman he comes across will think he’s more of a decent person than he actually is. Or he could spin it with “I changed…” when he didn’t really change, he just changed a behavior or learned to hide something better.