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The toxic trait in men that is less talked about - a Savior Complex and Passive Aggression. Hello abuse. If you don't let him constantly "save" you, and be your "hero," he will resent you. He'll just resent you anyway because being passive aggressive and people pleasing are the only things he knows.
These men often come off as kind and caring, but are boiling pots of resentment and anger because their "help" has gone unappreciated and unnoticed.
They want women to become dependent on them so they will always have control over the relationship. They'll look for women with low self-esteem and exploit it under the guise of "help." Its all an ego boost and a power trip.
They want to be the Hero to save the day all the time, always. Differentiate the normal help from 'help' for the sake of validation.
And also because men benefit from the sexism of other men. They want a pat on thw back for not being an abusive, beating, rapey creep and are angry that their subjects--I mean, woman--is not appreciative.
It’s the whole “men need to be needed” BS.
Absolutely. This is why it's so important not to disclose trauma early on, or even at all.
I’m always iffy about the guys who are too charitable in the beginning
Simply being a highly independent and highly capable woman scares these men off because they know they can’t do any of this so you stymie that energy. However, if you must be around them as family or co-workers, watch your back. The passive aggression can come out as setting you up to fail, not stepping up when you ask for help, etc.
My ex to a T. Some days I mourn the grand gestures he used to perform for me, but I know only very few of them came from a place of genuine love, the majority of them were a show to bolster his ego and cash in on favors from me later.
You just answered a nagging question for me. Thanks
How do you deal with the passive aggression in the workplace?
Yup. It's all about power and control.