being called "tough" and "hard" means you've achieved boss level

Many, many times over the decades, I've been told by men that I was "tough" or "hard". I'd always ask, oh, how so? And they'd never answer, which pissed me off and puzzled me. Even when asked directly a second or third time what they meant, they'd never really say. So I knew they meant something, but could never figure out quite what they meant. I also knew that when a man won't explain, it means something that won't make him look good; took me a while to get that one. Overall, I knew it was a compliment, but I wanted to know where they were coming from.

Today, it hit me, and everything gelled. They are looking for a way in, a weakness, a chink in your armor. That's it, simple as can be. They want a woman to show an exploitable weakness so they can insert themselves into her life, when they know for a fact she's out of their league, doesn't want them, isn't interested, isn't looking. Once again, power and control, and it's not about actually liking the woman, admiring her, or wanting to join lives for real.

What made it gel for me? Today in my chat program, a guy reached out again, and at first I didn't remember him. He asked me how I was doing, I said great, and it boiled down to him trying to suss out if I still wasn't looking, still wasn't lonely, still didn't want a man with kids. Hard line there, not a line that's going to change or be open to settling. And of course he was just aghast that I was happy without a man and kids, so again, projection.

It was at this point he told me several times that I was "too hard". Each time I said thanks. I realized he simply had no way into my life. I've told men outright, yes, I'd like companionship, but a man has to have his own house and his own money, and any kids are his business only. I want fun companionship, no third marriage, nothing legal at my stage of life. I've noticed the moment that money comes into it, they suddenly turn extremely realistic, and all "romance" goes out the window, which suits me just fine. Let's keep it real.

Anyone else ever been told they're too hard, too difficult, etc.? Can't wait to hear your stories. I'm feeling like even now in my 50s, I'm learning how to decode scrote-speak, and although it squicks me out, I'm happy to know exactly what they mean, even if they are speaking in bro-code.