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I was pushed around and bullied by everyone around me for my entire life. After enough time, it can make you really passive and people pleasing because you’ll do anything to make people stop and just be nice to you. Spoiler: it doesn’t work. The more of a pushover doormat you become, the more people treat you even worse. The more bad relationships you’ll end up in. The more people will tell you it’s your fault.
It took a lot of abuse over a long period of time, but I finally got angry enough to break free of the pattern and stopped letting people push me around. I started pushing back. I started having boundaries, speaking my needs and wants, advocating for myself, and putting myself first. I wasn’t an asshole about it, but I was persistent and immovable. What happened? People in my proximity started to call me aggressive, difficult, crazy, evil, and a bitch.
There’s that word: bitch. Used by men for centuries to dehumanize women as being on par with dogs. I don’t like the term, but I want you ladies to know deep in your bones that when someone calls you a bitch, keep doing whatever you are doing because you’re on the right path. The more we put ourselves first, protect ourselves, and refuse to submit to intimidation —the more nuclear the reaction may be from the men, family members, and pickmes in your proximity. Their negative reaction to your very logical behaviour is their cognitive dissonance screaming and crying when they perceive you as “going off script” from how a woman is “supposed” to act.
Be difficult. Be loud. Stand up for yourself. Stand up for the oppressed. Say no. Don’t accept any bullsh*t from anyone. Don’t make anything easy for those who oppose you or wish you harm. Be a bitch. Embrace the bitchiness. Even better: join forces with other women and be difficult together. Bitches can get a lot done en masse. Bitches can be revolutionaries. Bitches can be catalysts of change. Look at the women of Iran and Mexico who are protesting for their human rights at this very moment. They have to be loud, aggressive, and unrelenting just to be heard.
Read the bitch manifesto and be angry that it still applies over 50 years later and not much has changed.
The Bitch Manifesto by Jo Freeman, 1968
https://www.jofreeman.com/joreen/bitch.htm
”The most prominent characteristic of all Bitches is that they rudely violate conceptions of proper sex role behavior. They violate them in different ways, but they all violate them. Their attitudes towards themselves and other people, their goal orientations, their personal style, their appearance and way of handling their bodies, all jar people and make them feel uneasy. Sometimes it's conscious and sometimes it's not, but people generally feel uncomfortable around Bitches. They consider them aberrations. They find their style disturbing. So they create a dumping ground for all who they deplore as bitchy and call them frustrated women. Frustrated they may be, but the cause is social not sexual.”
I agree! Literally was gonna make a post exactly like this. Women often have to police our tone because if we're "assertive" or "straightforward", we would often be seen as bossy, rude or BITCH. I was out with my dad today and that's what I noticed. I often acted like him, especially when I was younger. He's assertive and straightforward. Now I always dumbed myself down and walked on eggshells because people don't take strong women seriously and I was often called "rude". A woman and a man could act the same but somehow a man would be seen in a positive light while the woman is opposite. Being a bitch is fucking awesome! I noticed less people walk over me when I act like a bitch. All women should be bitches
Yes yes yes! Been bullied throughout my whole life too. the more meek and nice you are, the more people trample all over you. people will drain you if they could and it’s a lesson I only recently learned.
being a “bitch” weeds out the weak who project their vileness and predatory behavior onto us
Bitches are actually good women. Being “nice” means you’re pretending for the sake of protecting men’s feelings, falling into pickmeism. I think it’s time for more women to become ruthless and pickier than ever. I am slowly trying to spread this message to other women.
You had me at the title.👍🏽😂
Love love LOVE this post! Beautifully worded, queen. My last boyfriend would call me a bitch whenever my tone "had attitude" (so whenever I was reasonably frustrated with something he did or said that was upsetting to me). He would say it often and with such passion. I never raised my voice at him or called him names. That word cuts DEEP because he always used it as a weapon to break my confidence. More recently I was told by a random man that I was "aggressive" because I refused to answer a question. I would love to see what real aggression looks like to him! Not to mention, what is the only socially acceptable slur nowadays??? That's right! The one that is used specifically to hurt women! So, I really really like the idea of reclaiming and reframing targeted slurs similar to how other marginalized groups of people have.
I suppose I think of this a bit differently. I think as woman it's important to have strong boundaries and be able to stand up for yourself. However, playing into femininity helps me get what I want, especially in male dominated fields.
Average men (who are usually LVMs), won't respect women regardless of how "masculine" present yourself. Being loud, abrasive, cursing, 'one of the boys' won't earn their respect. However, they are easy to fool. Play up your femininity with makeup, smooth skin, dresses, feminine voice, and men will eat out of your hand. I don't advocate that any woman 'play dumb', but embracing performative aspects of womanhood can be an asset. I get more done out of people, especially men, being diplomatic and sweet than being a 'bitch'.
I have such a complicated relationship- as a child I was called abrasive (assertive on a good day) and difficult, and somehow after college when I began dating... I feel like I purposely hold myself back. I force myself to be polite and how I 'should' act- of course this only works if whoever your engaging with also follows the social contract. I have stepped back into this energy with my friendships and it's serving me well, but I still struggle to not shut parts of myself off while dating. Furthermore I struggle to trust myself while dating bc I have somehow adopted those descriptors from childhood and use them to censor myself as a go to dates- so when I feel angry or frustrated I talk myself out of it.
I think the slur “bitch” isn’t even necessarily about comparing us to dogs, it’s about comparing us to breeding stock. It’s about reminding us that our sex makes us inferior in their minds
Yes! I love this post!
I wish we could move away from the narrative that a strong, confident, assertive woman With boundaries and standards is a bitch.
I’ve been called a bitch before. It bothers me but at the same time it doesn’t. It used to bother me a lot more.
I had a bf I was with for years when I was in my early 20s who would always call me a bitch when I called him out on his bs. My own dad called Me. A bitch too. He is a deadbeat, lvm. this doesn’t bother me now, but it used to. I just embrace being a so called bitch now because we aren’t gonna win. so ladies, we might as well just learn to live with the label.
one Of the only times it’s bothered me to be called that is when another woman calls me this slur. there’s a woman I know who calls herself a feminist and is constantly calling other woman this name. She says it to me when I call her on her bs. When I set boundaries etc.
she’s a huge pick me / cool girl yet Doesnt date men. It’s very confusing. Shes always in wlw relationships but always bows down to men and name calls other woman.
A wise woman once said that the word “Bitch” is short for a “Babe in Total Control of Herself”. I never forgot this.