Asking about body count | Good or bad idea?

I find the term “body count” to be dehumanizing and sort of trashy. I have to imagine a HVM would be turned off by the phrasing alone. It sounds disrespectful to the people you/him have been intimate with.

I wouldn't do that just because it opens up the opportunity for him to ask that of you. It's not a good idea to tell a man about your sexual past. They will usually judge you harshly and use it against you.

I think HV people rightly find this question of “body count” intrusive and vulgar. You could possibly give an opening in a conversation, making it seem like you would listen to his sexual past, and if he shares anything at all, especially anything concerning, then you have that information and can react as needed (ie block/delete).

It’s kind of like the tactic of playing cool-girl and asking “what type of pxrn do you watch?” Or even “what kinks are you into?” There’s no right answer except confusion and disgust, saying “none.” (Earlier on, a kink came up in conversation with my boyfriend, and he said he wasn't into it. I jokingly asked "then what are you into?" And he just gave me a confused look and said "normal stuff.")

In this case, maybe ask something like, “what’s your favorite position?” Or “have you ever done anything adventurous in the bedroom?” There are both HV and LV responses to those questions; it’s possible to answer them with relative tact. If he jumps into recounting his hookups or past girlfriends, get rid of him.

(Un)fortunately, tons of LVM love talking about their past sexual exploits, and it’s not hard to get them talking about their glorified past. The only HV response is discomfort and redirecting the conversation. Just be subtle enough with the questioning so as to not put off an actual HVM with the topic.

My take is that *nothing* good comes from answering this question. That goes for both parties. I find it intrusive and arbitrary. What’s the sweet spot: 2? 5? 20? There’s no good answer is there? I was promiscuous in my twenties but my thirties have taken a different turn. I don’t want anyone to use the decisions I made as a much younger woman as the means to judge me and the past is the past. Someone’s number could be high due to a variety of factors, too like sex addiction, being raped etc. i know that sounds far fetched but worth thinking about. I think there are better ways of vetting someone’s attitude to sex without digging into their digits.

Don’t do this! Any decent man will lose interest in you. Also you shouldn’t ever try and act like a “cool girl” even if you’re trying to get info out of him

Numbers don’t matter - you’ll know if he’s promiscuous by his behaviour, without having to ask. Does he flirt with everyone? Does he have wandering eyes? Does he bring up sex in every conversation? Does he brag about his sexploits?

I’d be tempted to use a little snark and re-frame that as “attempted or completed murders”. I also would never use “body count”. In my day it was just “number of partners” which still seems a lot more classy. There is no right answer but again the re-frame for the win: overall or the number of men with whom it was an actual good and pleasurable time? I can’t see this coming up in any way that’s positive. Just seems like a gotcha or ammo to be used against a woman later on.

If you’re long enough in the relationship or about to start one, I think it’s ok to ask how many sexual partners did the other person have. This is something that is very important for me because if that number is high, then to me it’s a red flag because it shows a lack of sexual discipline. I don’t like the phrase how many bodies or body count.

Reframing idea "How many long term relationships have you had?" "2" "Oh, men or women?" Seeing if a guy keeps long term relationships is helpful too I think and how many years... but yeah if they're a cheater the sexual partner count will be different. Players and bi/gay men should drop tons of clues about this so I don't necessarily think you need to bring up this topic to get a feel for the answer.

I always respond to that dumbass question with: "How many do I have in the morgue? The crypt? Cremated?" 🤣

11 men, and 4 women? NEXT.

Whoa, he screws men? Cut sling load! Run away as fast as you can. He's not a HVM. He's a homosexual man. Good thing you asked before getting involved.

You will rarely get a truthful answer where you need one.

Wait, do you care about the number or the gender of his previous partners?