Are drink dates Low Value and how to respond to them?

If a guy asks me to drinks, I won’t date him. Not only do I not drink, but the point of a drink date is to get a woman intoxicated so that she lowers her inhibitions and is more likely to sleep with you. It’s not good natured behavior. I don’t believe in coffee or walking to the park for dates but at least you stay sober and of sound mind than if you drank alcohol.

"To just block and delete for something minor[...]isn't something I'm comfortable with" Then do become comfortable with it and refrain from dating until you are VERY comfortable blocking and deleting for even more minor things (which inviting a woman for "drinks" is not. It's disrespect.). You should be completely fine and confident blocking and deleting for absolutely any reason. You don't have anything whatsoever to prove to any random scrote. And yes, he *is* a scrote until HE proves differently. And "asking politely for a drink date" is certainly not that.

It's usually quite clear what kind of date I expect. If I say "I'm only free in the evenings after work" that implies dinner to any reasonable person. Period. I'm not going to rush home from work, change and get ready and then drive somewhere for "drinks", "coffee" or "a walk". If he offers that, he gets nexted.

In general it's normal that if you invite people or expect them to be somewhere during a time where you would usually have a meal, you should have a plan for that meal. I mean I also don't invite my friends over during lunchtime and then expect them to go without lunch.

YMMV...but for me personally, a guy who leads with an initial LV date suggestion is an instant no because that was what he was comfortable offering and what he initially thought he could get away with. First impressions count and HVM should know this, so in my mind, a HVM wouldn't risk embarrassing himself (or me) by being so cheap and uninspired right out of the gate.

As for drink 'dates' - I don't drink either and I'm perfectly happy stating such. However, I understand that that's not what you're looking for so I'd be interested to see what less 'direct' responses others might have used in this situation.

Why aren’t you comfortable with blocking and deleting in this situation? What‘s an example of your ideal “classy” response?

You can say, “I prefer meeting up for dinner”, or something like that, but at the end of the day his instinct was to ask you out for drinks, so…if you have to coach him into asking you out on a higher effort date, is that really the man you want?

I respond to drinking dates with a block and a delete. I really don't care if I'm living in a small town or a major city; a man knows what he means when he asks a woman out on a drinking date. He only wants to hit it and quit it.

A drink date suggestion is an instant next from me because it suggests low effort and therefore low value. Also, I recently stopped drinking for health reasons so this would be an automatic no. It's the after-5PM equivalent of a coffee or walk suggestion IMO. No effort = no date. If other women like them that's fine, but I see it as a red flag. I'm also in my forties which might make a difference. Personally speaking, people who spend a lot of time in bars do not make wholesome additions to my social circle.

I almost want to give the coffee date a little latitude, because at least it's not potentially dangerous like getting drunk or going somewhere isolated with a man you don't really know (guys who suggest those are to be blocked immediately, don't even message them back).

But as I was writing out a response to guys asking for coffee dates, I talked myself out of cutting them slack.

It's low effort not just based on cost. It also takes zero effort to come up with the idea to go get coffee.

It might be different if you love coffee, and that's why he's taking you to a very special spot with excellent coffee, but it doesn't sound like that's what's happening here.

You presumably chat a bit before he asks for a date. He has plenty of chances to find out at least one place you might like to go or one thing you might like to do. It's not that hard!

If he can't be bothered to do that, it's not a stretch to think he's the type of guy who sees women as interchangeable. He uses the same "go to moves" with every woman.

But if you still want to give him one more chance, the response I came up with was "coffee's not my thing - but take some time to mull it over, ask me again when you have another idea."

Maybe he'll take that as an opportunity to prove he sees you as an individual, and that he's capable of considering what you want. But I wouldn't count on it. If he had that in him, wouldn't he have done that in the first place?

If you want to turn him down and don’t want to just give a short “I don’t drink” response then you could try a nice version:

“sorry I don’t drink and I don’t think it will work out as I’d prefer a partner who also doesn’t drink. Wishing you all the best 😊”

you could also drop all the unnecessary niceties above:

”I don’t drink so I don’t see this working out for us. Wishing you the best”

I don't drink, I don't like coffee and I don't do walk dates. So usually only a dinner date will work for me, there isn't much else to do in my city, except for maybe going to the movies and that's not really good for a first date.

I usually tell the guy I don't drink, there's no need to be classy about it. It says so in my profile as well, if he can't or won't read, he's out. And honestly, if a guy suggests drinks, coffee or any other low effort date, he's out as well, even if he corrects himself, he has shown his true colors.

Drink dates are LV and low effort- total no from me. Bars are noisy and often crowded. However as an Aussie, Australia has much nicer cafes than many places around the world and as a result I’d be happy with a brunch/coffee date because the food is really good- restaurant quality.

If you're uncomfortable blocking and deleting over a terrible date suggestion designed to intoxicate you and lower your inhibitions, you may need to learn to love and respect yourself before you start dating. We need to become HVW and center ourselves so we can avoid LVM and NVM like these.

Block, delete, next!

DRINK DATES ARE ALWAYS A NO. They are more offensive and humiliating than coffee dates. 1. They usually ask you for drink dates at dinner time (around 20h00) which automatically will make you go back home hungry (happened so many times to me and it’s humiliating); 2. They will also ask for drinks AFTER dinner which is too late and makes it easier for them to try for sex later. Even if you don’t drink, they know you can get “water” or a non alcoholic drink. A scrote once replied to me I could have water when I responded to a don’t drink for a drink date invitation. They know exactly drink dates are absolutely disrespectful. Coffee dates on the other hand for me is only acceptable if you met the person on OLD and you are not comfortable being in a dinner for the first time (this is really personal, I see some women here they prefer a quick date for the first date). Besides, if he invites you to a cute tea-cofffee where tou can have cake is less worse than a drink date. Coffee dates are usually not late so they know it will be harder to get sex. Again, it’s personal. If it’s someone on OLD a coffee date in a cute place could be considered. DRINK dates are always a block. Try to say “I don’t drink and I prefer a more formal date” . If he does come up with something decent just block and delete.

Maybe say something along the lines of "Oh, I don't drink on dates. I don't really enjoy ancoholic beverages" - is that too formal? i don't know hahaha I think it sounds classy compared to simply "I don't drink alcohol".

i see "drinking dates" as NV because os safety issues. the guy probably wants to get you drunk in order to take advantage of you.

Regarding future dates with a guy who suggests LV dates, I'd say no. But that really depends on other aspects you've already vetted for. sometimes the first suggestion comes from a place of insecurity because everyone fears rejection. they don't really know what type of date you would enjoy because they barely know you, but they want you to say yes because they're interested... it's a bit complicated. if you've already dropped a few hints about what type of activities you like, a HVM will notice and will invite you to do something you like. a LVM will be oblivious.

however, a LVM who is determined will take the hints as well and he will do his best to impress you in order to manipulate you into having sex with him. Gotta vet the hell out of him before he asks you out.

that's the thing about men... you never really know until it's too late.

This is one area where I disagree with the FDS approach. I think it annoys me because women seem to fixate on a particular type of date (usually a dinner invite at a high end restaurant) as "the sign" that a man is hv. It doesn't mean anything if a man takes you to dinner at a nice restaurant, other than he wanted to impress you. My ex fiancée did all the right things and he was definitely "lv." What an appropriate first date is to you is individual and based on your lifestyle. I can't think of anything I'd like to do less (especially with someone I barely know) than sit in a fancy restaurant, so it isn't my idea of a good first date. Ideally, what you're looking for is thoughtfulness and effort. Personally I don't like to be told what I want to do: I appreciate it when a man asks about my preferences and then puts some thought into suggestions.

Are drink dates low value? Well, do you like to go out for drinks or would you prefer to do something else? How do you feel when a man asks you for a drink instead of suggesting something more creative? What I'm trying to say is, think about what YOU like and design your life and your expectations around that.

I am on the fence about considering coffee/drink dates low value. Personally, I don't want to invest the time and energy getting myself ready for a date (it takes me 3 hours from shower to finished product), where I realize in the first 10 minutes he isn't for me. Then I've got to spend an entire dinner with this person that I don't like. Plus I'll have spent 3 hours getting ready for nothing. For me, I can rule guys out quickly over a coffee or a drink and leave if I want to, and I'll usually not put much effort into getting myself ready because these are meet and greet, not official dates. Also, I am not a fan of eating food while getting to know someone. It's just just overall awkward experience for me. Once I decide he's worth dating, I prefer doing activities. Mini golf, theater, plays, festivals, anything active. I'd much rather being doing an activity than sitting and eating food. So I am the rare person on fds that actually prefers meet and greets because I don't feel a guy is worth my effort of getting myself dolled up, unless he's already someone I think is dateable.