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I've had men that I cut off soon after; tell me things like, "I think you're moving too fast and I don't know if I'm ready for a serious relationship." I have to look them dead in the eye and hold back a laugh because I'm never in love with these guys. I barely know them (they've taken me out on dates, but I'm not head over heels for any of them). Literally just because they can sense that I know what I want in a Serious relationship, they assume I want it / need it with them specifically.
As if they've already been vetted and as if I would even say yes if they asked me to be their gf right now (I would not). To claim I'm moving too fast is funny because they usually say it after I deny them sex; by telling them having intercourse before commitment is too fast for me. Basically they don't think it's too fast to have sex, but it is too fast to get serious. And I'm over here only wanting to have sex when it's serious.
So they somehow turn it around and act like I'm the one who was moving too fast just because I make my boundary clear, no casual sex. It's like they always think that boundary means I actively want them to be my boyfriend already when I'm really still taking my time to vet. They don't realize they're the ones asking me out, to be intimate, and etc. I could care less if they stop and I won't initiate contact because FDS taught me if he wanted to, he would.
Any time a guy seems to put himself on a pedastal or says he doesn't know what he wants any more and acts like I asked him to be my bf when I was only being clear about my boundaries, I just block and delete.
FDS gave me confidence. I have plenty of other men who'd want to take me out and are ready to treat me well. No time or need to waste on egotistical male nonsense. Just dip out and don't waste my time instead of fantasizing about rejecting me as if I'm in love with you and as if you aren't the one who asked me out, LMFAOOOOO.
These kind of men act like you proposed to them just because you know you want a real connection and they always think you want it with them when they haven't proven themselves any way.
I wonder if men realize how many options women actually have and how many of them deluded themselves into thinking a woman loves them when she actually is simply loving herself by staying true to her boundaries.
I'm sorry it's hard for me to articulate this certain phemonomeon and I might make little sense. But I think some women will relate to the ick I feel when guys act like they're hot shit / like I was desperate for their attention
; while they mean nothing to me. They hear, "I want a serious relationship." as "I love you and want you to be my bf". When reality is I would never ask someone to be my bf first any more and it takes me time to trust someone enough to even consider it.
I think this is a male cope. Similar to the "you can't fire me, I quit!" attitude insecure people develop. He already felt rejected by you for not being able to meet standards you clearly aren't about to budge from so he wants to grab a little power back from you and make himself feel like you're the one who can't meet HIS standards.
I also hate when random dudes make it a point to mention that they have a wife or girlfriend when I’m just having a normal ass conversation with them. Like dude, I’m not flirting with you! Just because a woman is polite to you for half a second doesn’t mean she’s interested. Usually it’s super ugly guys too. The audacity of ugly men, I cannot.
I’ve experienced this plenty. I run a service industry company so it’s literally my job to be friendly and to put people at ease.
I’ve had men say that they’re flattered but they’re in a relationship. I wasn’t flirting, I asked them to go into the other room because that’s where the event is happening and they didn’t follow the crowd (because they were hitting on me).
Scrotes! I read research saying that men tend to think women are more attracted to them than otherwise, which has something to do with biology and it's even truer when it comes to ugly men. May have smth to do with that on a different level
I have experienced many times when I tell men that I want a baby at some point, they will say “I am not sure if I want a baby, I think it is to early to think about that”. Like, man, did I EVER say I want a baby with YOU?! Nah, I didn’t. I say I would like another child, they are hearing “I really want you to be the father of my baby, I love you, please marry me”. It’s is another level of delusional behavior.
They're trying to shame you into having no-strings-attached sex with them.
Yes. Most men do this. One of my exes hit on any woman with a pulse of any age —even when we were together (my friends told me after I broke up with him). A guy I briefly dated told me every woman he slept with immediately fell in love with him and wanted a relationship (lol). Another of my exes thought any woman who smiled at him or talked to him wanted to sleep with him. Nothing I said could shatter his delusion. Every cashier, every waitress, every bank teller, every woman in his social circle… he also got scammed so many times by Eastern European women on Facebook too. Good for them (get that bag ladies).
Giant ego + giant insecurity = delusional scrote
I found a study once on why men shoot their shot at women way out of their league and at women who clearly have no interest. The general conclusion was that it’s unconscious and biological—the more men try to shoot their shot, the better their chances are for achieving reproduction. It‘s their real purpose for existence—trying to have sex with anything with a pulse —just like male animals. Men are like plants: desperately trying to make seeds before they die.
I like men who humble themselves and understand they’re not my automatic love just because I know I want authentic love.
Besides individual scrotes being delusional and overinflated, the subtler reason has to do with society-wide cultural attitude and it highlights how much the rot has spread. FDS-style dating is *so* unpopular in most Western countries that stating upfront that we're looking for a serious relationship is, culturally, completely misunderstood: they're running the mental script that Serious Relationships MUST evolve from Casual Relationships, it's such a fundamental thing for them that of course they see you dating ruthlessly with intent as "going too fast": you're completely bypassing the casual stage. And as far as I can tell, in the most liberal areas of North America the paradigm is in fact this. The vast majority of serious relationship, moreso if under a certain age, started out as "casual" dating (including sex of course), and it has been like this for a generation by now. In some European countries for even more. I imagine OP is from one of these areas? If you try to approach dating with FDS mentality in these places you're going to get a lot of big *does-not-compute* gazes from both men and women.
I know we all like to think that FDS principles are so obvious, so useful that surely every woman, even the worst pickme, must know inside that they make sense, that they're only begrudgingly tolerating, that they're all internally rolling their eyes. But I think the world would look very different if it were so. You need to steel yourself and be prepared of going HARD against the grain and accepted "common sense" to really apply them. And be ok with being a trailblazer and never finding one person who is at your level.
Ha! Seriously, I've also had men think I want them just because I was the same level of polite to them as I would be with anyone.
This is making me remember those times I would get this uncomfortable feeling from a guy even though he hasn't done anything obviously bad. Come to think of it, that feeling is me sensing "he thinks I want to fuck him". This is why I tend to respond to that feeling by treating the guy as if he doesn't exist. If he's right in front of my face, I'm looking through him as if he is invisible. Total rudeness is what it takes for some guys to get it through their thick skulls that I'm not trying to fuck them.
One thing we should be careful to avoid, is telling men under what circumstances we might fuck them. Noooo, do not give them this information. There's danger of them using it to try to manipulate us. Even if it doesn't work, it's annoying when they do that. It's best not to give them the ammunition in the first place.
I experienced this with a guy friend who started playing weird hot/cold games with me, sexualizing conversations, and asking nosy questions about my dating life. Even invited me on vacation with him in the woods, which I shot down immediately.
Of course he ran to our boss complaining I was needy and had a crush on him. Our boss told me she literally laughed in his face.
It's funny, honestly. Just us being normal and friendly is enough to make these moids go, "Uhhhh sorry but I don't feel the same way, you harlot. :/" It's also why I've perfected the art of being as ice cold towards men as possible without getting into trouble about it. I've slipped a few times and had men berate me for being a rude woman or for not being flattered that a married man wants to hit it and quit it. But honestly, it's better that way than them having the audacity to think I want them in any way, shape or form.
Men cannot understand how a woman thinks. They don't speak to women they don't want to f*ck, so they cannot understand that it's not an "automatic yes" for a woman. It takes us time to decide whether we're attracted to a man or not and if we want to risk having sex with him.
Oh yes that’s what they do ! Coz society tells them to look at themselves at way more superior than they are and tells us women to look down on ourselves and underestimate ourselves . It really adds on in relationship dynamics . At 28 I realised no man is ever worth it ! Ever unless they are in love with us and showed us with actions that really value us !