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My mum was telling me about a family friend and the chaos she's going through at the hands of her husband. This lady dated this man for years and when they were in their late 20s, she wanted to get married and he still wanted to drink, smoke and party. Her father was against her marrying him for these exact reasons so in order to bend her father's hand, she got pregnant which made marriage seem like the right thing to do so that she wouldn't be a woman who had a child out of wedlock/was an unwed mother.
A couple of days ago, she called my mother to say that she's moved out of their master bedroom and is staying in another room in the house after she woke up from a nap to see her husband glaring at her with disgust in his eyes. She asked him why he was looking at her like that and he said angrily: "Look at how big your stomach is. You're disgusting and I hate you". She told my mum that in the moment, she thought that he would kill her. She said that he's been increasingly angry with her after she told his siblings about possibly leaving him because of the many things he's done to her and their children and the ways he's failed as a father and husband.
This woman pays all the bills as her husband doesn't work. He used to run a restaurant that he and his male friends ran into the ground. During that time, he and his friends would travel domestically and internationally and cheat, drink and party. They'd tell their wives that they were travelling for "business purposes" that related to the restaurant. Two of their sons got married months apart recently and she did all the running around for the weddings and paid for most things. She bought the outfits he would wear to both weddings and he pushed them aside, opting to wear old clothes. She had to tell her sons to tell him off before he decided to wear what she had bought. Her husband got COVID and almost died and in usual fashion, she arranged for him to fly abroad to get medical treatment when she felt what he was getting domestically didn't seem to be helping. She also told my mum that he racked up £20,000 on her credit card and now she's the one trying to pay it back. She's at her wit's end and wants to divorce him but is afraid of "what people will say".
I feel very sorry for her as she also has health issues herself - she has a disc problem in her back and is in constant pain when she walks, sits or lies down. While I feel for her, the signs were clear from the beginning. She's told my mum how when they were dating, all the traits he's showing today were there then. He's always been uncaring, apathetic, selfish and lazy. Other couples my family and I know that have met her husband all say that he married her for money because this family friend comes from a rich family. The reason they say this is because when they've met them, the husband always talks about the holidays they've been on, houses and cars they've had....which have all been at the expense of his wife who either bought them or was given them by her late dad. He made sure to boast about their wealth to people who visited them when his wife had just lost her father. A lot of their wealth has diminished over time because of his reckless spending and she has been the one keeping the family going financially with the help of her savings and money she's inherited from her father.
These are the learning points from this story:
Vetting men is essential as it will determine whether you will have a happy life or a miserable one
Vet men like your life depends on it because it does
Any red flags you see should make you take off running
Don't think you can change any man because you can't. Change comes from within and until a man decides to change and be better, he'll remain the way he is.
Sometimes I feel resentful about what I’ve been through but then I remember that I don’t have to suffer to this extreme extent where my financial future and potential reproductive future are horrifically compromised. 
How can she be okay with any of that??? Also noticed how scrote men who don‘t wanna work or expect women to pay the bills on top of being a maid servant will resent women who do so anyway because they feel emasculated or whatever from it.
I’ve read too many horror stories about leechy husbands who murder their wives out of resentment for providing for them.
Is it an official FDS recommendation that you should never let a man who you're not already married to get you pregnant? Perhaps that's so obvious (to this crowd) it doesn't need to be said, but for the love of all that is holy, if a man cannot handle marriage, there is not a snowball's chance in hell he can handle pregnancy and a kid.
best thing we can do is be happy alone.
I'm sorry, but I struggle to find sympathy for pick me women who foolishly get pregnant to "keep" a man. Just shoot yourself in the foot, it's easier to recover from.
Some people are simply warnings for how others should NOT live their lives. Sigh.
Good lord I am concerned for her safety. This screams to me that he has abusive tendencies and will eventually hit her or worse.
also it is so sad that women are still embarrassed to leave men when often they should be embarassed to stay with them. My own family judges me on my history of failed relationships, while praising my sister for staying with the same abusive man since high school. that is just another way society intimidates women into settling for less than they deserve. I feel like the only sane one around for having ended bad relationships rather than keeping them just because of the judgement of others.
I am rooting for her to come to her senses and get out of this. Every example of these types of relationships that I hear makes me sad and feel like it takes more power away from women and perpetuates a terrible dynamic which should have been laid to rest years and years ago.
Can confirm this is very true. After being a big fan of FDS for at least a year, I decided to go against FDS advice and date a scrote. It's too fresh to go into the details rn. It hurts and it's embarassing. Possibly a good roast-a-scrote for future. Anyway, I gaslit myself into thinking things could be different and completely went against my intuition. The red flags I thought we "worked through" or were just in my head turned out to be much worse than I anticipated and were ultimately the reasons I would end up dumping him and end up being heartbroken.
God it hurts to look back and realize how much of a pickme I was/still am. Hindsight is a bitch.
Poor woman. The stress of being married to him is probably why she’s sick in the first place. I bet she regrets trapping him with a baby. Sheesh. That never works.