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Whenever I find a guy attractive I avoid looking his way. I don't want him to notice that I've noticed him. I guess it's because if we make eye contact, and he approaches me, it seems like so much work and I get nervous.
I'm pretty happy being single right now, so I also think about the whole point of even making eye contact because I'm not actively wanting to be with someone.
But, I'd still like to learn how to avoid being so nervous and hesitant.
This is very common. I strongly suggest checking out the FDS podcast on flirting strategies. I also suggest practicing talking to people you're NOT attracted to first. Vanessa Van Edwards video on "how to be more sociable" here is a good starting point: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gf5STE2VJKI Lots of us are "recovering awkward people" and it's ok!
This was me for so long! Short story time, one time I was eye flirting with a guy in Whole foods. He tried to approach me but I freaked out and ran away, literally leaving my purse at the table. I had to convince a sympathetic woman to go retrieve it for me. Not one of my finest moments! But I get the fear. I'd say that CBT therapy could help. You may have some self-defeating statements or thoughts that run loops. Having that negative self-talk interrupted can be a huge help. Another thing I would suggest is to experiment with your own exposure therapy. Go out there and Nike just do it! Get rid of the question "Is he attracted to me?" and focus on the question, " Am I attracted to him?" Be curious about your own attraction. Center yourself rather than the men. Notice the man and think about what specifically you find attractive about him. Is it his eyes? His style? These questions will also help you narrow down your type. Last of all, remember that the worst case scenario is he will think you are weird and walk away. So what? He's probably weird in some ways too.
Side note that there is a difference between casually glancing a couple of times and serial killer staring, you may also want to fine tune that haha! Look at some great examples of eye-flirting in media. Pride and prejudice and Romeo + Juliet are two of my favorites.
I used to have the opposite problem. I am really bad at making eye contact that is merely flirty rather than overtly sexual -- you don't see your own expression but I'm guessing the face I make is smoldering rather than interested, because it seems to incite overly direct, sexualized interest.
That said, my "solution" might help you -- instead of looking into someone's actual eyes, I aim my smile at the third eye in the middle. I have heard this is also useful for some people with autism (I am diagnosed as on the spectrum myself, but eye contact doesn't frighten me.)
You should give it a try -- it is definitely easier than locking eyes and letting someone see inside your soul, yet it is still enough encouragement for any man or woman inclined to be interested in you.
It's better to avoid eye contact than stare at him like a cake lol