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I had this morning my first real contraction. My first glimpse into what the fuss was all about. And it brought me to my knees, literally. I felt the pain coming, it increased and increased until I went into survival mode. My poor brain just about managed to instruct me to get on all fours and I scrambled to do the breathing exercises I had learnt. The pain ripped through my body with a fast succession of thoughts; THIS IS SO PAINFUL! MY MOTHER DID THIS TO HAVE ME. SHE DID IT FOUR TIMES. HOW?! WHY?! I AM NEVER GETTING PREGNANT AGAIN. HOW DO I GET THROUGH THIS? NO NO NO NO NO NO
As the contraction eased I could feel my body flooding with endorphins as I gagged, my mouth watering as I prepared to vomit. I meekly called my partner and he came just in time to grab me a bucket. I was so grateful to have him there, to know he will take care of everything while I concentrate on holding myself together.
I felt relieved after vomiting up my breakfast, the natural pain relief shooting around my body, strengthening me, making me feel strong and safe. Trying to make me forget that horror.
Throughout today I waited in anticipation for the next round but it didn’t come. I did my chores, ventured bravely to the shop and bought some things I craved. All this time I’ve been philosophically pondering and have decided to share my thoughts here.
Why do we women not only tolerate and get together with mediocre men, but we have their babies?
Im not talking about my partner as mediocre, he brings out the best in me and I in him. He’s a hard worker, a good person and will be a good father. This pain will be worth it to have a child. But think about this. How many men have forced women to give birth to their babies? How many men are mediocre or downright abusive and expect their women to carry their baby and birth it? How many men have forced their partner to have sex with them after the birth? (OUCH)
How many men don’t care nor appreciate what their partner has done? How many men have no idea what pain it involves and dismiss it? Why in every government in the world do men govern the female body, set laws to control it financially, sexually, spiritually and physically?
Yet they cannot deal with the pain we have to, to continue the human race. (Google videos of men experiencing period or birth contractions from TENS machines. They can’t handle any of it)
I remember when I first became pregnant I was on a high with joy from the hormones. My 22 year long depression had lifted and I finally felt how normal people did. In the morning I would wake up and go about my day, rather than muster the energy to drag myself out of bed. I had developed a strong black humor somehow and looked up all the horror stories of pregnancy. I laughed at the stories of broken ribs, battle scars nursed to health and tales of vomiting glasses of water. There was one thought I kept thinking: It’s a lie that women are the weaker sex. It is a gigantic lie. It’s a lie. It’s a lie. It’s a lie.
So my message to you ladies is: be very sure who you choose as your partner. And that includes who you choose to have a child with. They need to support you, love you, care for you, want the best for you and most important of all listen to you when you say you are in pain and believe you. Not getting together with LVM is not only a matter of protecting yourself but in that moment where you are going into labor: do it for a someone who values you as much as you them. The old you will be destroyed and that baptism of fire should be done for someone worthy of it, not a mediocre man with audacity.
"The old you will be destroyed and that baptism of fire should be done for someone worthy of it, not a mediocre man with audacity." This is so powerful. Thank you for sharing, I've never heard it described like this - it sounds even scarier than I thought. What you said about survival mode- I think that's exactly why keeping women barefoot and pregnant is a patriarchal strategy. When women are forced into survival mode we are unable to achieve self actualization
You are so right that the pain of childbirth is freaking horrific! I will never forget it- it surpassed what I could possibly imagine- and any man who fails to appreciate it is dead to me. And then after you hold that little baby in your arms and experience that flood of oxytocin, it is amazingly euphoric! It is both the worst and the best of biological experiences. Wishing you a healthy and fast labour. When I was in labour with my first I also thought I would never do it again- how could you possibly want to do that again? But now I'm pregnant again with my 2nd. This time though, I'm not doing it for or beside a LVM like I did the first time (who still has the audacity to underappreciate and disrespect what I did in childbirth), I'm doing it for myself only as a SMBC.
I love the image. Men having our children is a privilege. They forget this, but deep down they know it. We choose if they get to die out of the gene pool, let’s take that power and utilise it.
Women need to stop ruining their bodies and risking their lives to give legacy to these ugly ungrateful and irresponsible men...these scrotes don't deserve all the sacrifice a woman's body goes through..unless of course women started demanding compensation for all the birth and child labor along with a life insurance paid by the man beforehand, and if he refuses to do that, then he doesn't deserve a woman or children... You want the woman to ruin her body, go through the pain of pregnancy & labor and sacrifice her life to give you a legacy? Then the least you can do is pay and sign papers. Thank goddess I'm childfree.
Wise words, and thank you so much for sharing this. When I was pregnant with my son my ex husband wouldn't even do the minimum like rub my swollen feet or run out to the store to get me cravings. It crushed me, not having the support I saw other women have. When I had my son, he expected me to dump my 8 week old off at a daycare and get back to work. We never discussed what the plan was. My expectations were so different than his, hence one of the many reasons why he's my ex. But ya, these discussions should be had before hand...I tell everyone woman that will listen to vett your man before he traps you.
I wish I had known this long ago and thank you for the explanation for those who dont. I had to learn the hard way. My kids dad had no drivers license and I stupidly believed that he would get one before I had to deliver but closer to the due date he scoffed and said he didn’t “owe” me to go to the trouble of getting a license “just to give me a ride to the hospital“.
Labor was by far The most incredible pain I’ve ever experienced and I’ve had seizures before. He only stayed at the hospital long enough to have his whole extended family visit at once which was overwhelming and they managed to convince the nurses to let them hold the baby before I even could hold her. then he did not stay because ”the chairs were too hard to sit in” lol
i asked for no visitors for the first couple days home but when my mother brought me home he had his whole family waiting in my house, everyone trying to take the baby at every chance. I dont think I can ever forgive him for how horrible that experience was. I was dealing with (tmi, sorry) horrible constipation and scared to take the laxatives as everyone was in and out of my bathroom for the first two days and expecting me to socialize. he told me he had invited them and that I was being selfish and that “you just think its all about you don’t you?” I cried so so much.
later when I worked in a labor/new baby unit of a hospital I ran across a few different women who had just given birth crying in their rooms because the father had decided to go party or whatever and left her alone there. Picking the wrong guy will really, really cause you the worst pain and loneliness at what should be a joyful time.
i love my daughter so much and wouldn’t give her back for the world but man I wish I could have just made her without him honestly. she is the only good that came from that relationship and I try to focus on that rather than my regrets for being with such a scrote of a man.
This reminds me of when I saw this complete LIE on Twitter: https://twitter.com/titorsalt/status/1548274596553535489?t=siXK9Kt0g_zsMBSL85qzeg&s=19
I mean, I will never give birth, but I've had period cramps from hell and with the way people talk about birth being so much worse, there is no way this stupid incel's story is true.
I had my babies for me and me only. I was raised to know that any pregnant woman should have a plan for raising the child alone, just in case. Because men abuse and walk out on pregnant women everyday. Or in the worst cases, are murdered by their male partners. The DV statistics show that pregnancy is no doubt the most dangerous time for a woman as a male partner is most likely to harm her (i.e. Behati Prinsloo getting abused by Adam Levine during her 3rd pregnancy and allegedly after giving birth to their first child, too.)
Being a mom is something I always wanted. I would become a mother in my 30s whether or not I had a husband. I also recommend getting the epidural, gas or whatever maximum pain relief is allowed. There is no gold medal awarded for feeling the worst pain of your life. Majority of the time, we all leave the hospital with a baby whether we felt every ounce of agony or chose to spare ourselves that avoidable pain.
Whoa! I hope everything goes great ! Congratulations beautiful! You got this! Xoxoxo