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Dear Advice,
I am ever so shocked and confused that online dating is horrible, dangerous, a waste of time, full of predators, lazy men, and criminals, and harmful to me! Isn't it surprising? What ever should I do? I just don't know how to make this situation better! What choices and options do I have available to me to prevent the harm caused by OLD from entering into my life? If only there were a solution to this problem that I could personally enact.
Sincerely,
Many Many Posts on FDS
One of the signs of insanity is repeating the same things and expecting a different outcome. Yet all these women go running back to apps thinking that their experience will be any different this time and then want to come cry about it here and ask for advice, then get freaking mad at us when we say don't use dating apps.
Spoiler alert; No high-value woman wastes her time with dating apps. Just like HVM are so rare as to be mythical onlline ..... so should you be.
Isn’t this again putting the responsibility on women? You don’t know their life situations or where they live. Not everyone has financial means to travel and do activities.
As long as FDS Queens have the vetting strategies they need, they can put that into play. I know a friend of mine who meets men in real life and she has the same experiences as OLD if not worse because she gets to see their ugliness on the first date before vetting much before and numbers are given earlier on where apps can be better for vetting.
My flatmate's fiance is HV to my assessment, and they met online. I think the standard of men is the same everywhere, it's just easier to see the vast swathes of LVM available in one place with OLD
I feel like a fair number of users here live in small towns so resort to using OLD to meeting men as their local area with a small population of men. I do agree that many men on OLD are either fuckboys, predators, or scammers. I don't know how to say this but I feel like HVM have little reason to use OLD as it's probably easy for them to attract women irl.
Yeah OLD sucks but in a lot of ways I prefer it to meeting men IRL because I can more easily block them and run background checks on them before even wasting my time to meet up. It's safer in that regard because men IRL can very easily lie about who they are and string you along too.
Two counterpoints:
You can very well meet LVW in the wild. In fact, it's much harder to rid yourself of them that way because after all, you "met in the wild." This happened to me (wined and dined for 9 mos. before the mask dropped) and I didn't have much OLD experience before or after.
Not all of us come to OLD in the same way. It's pretty staggered. I "went back" briefly after a 3-year respite and genuinely wanted to know from this forum what people were experiencing these days.
It is a waste of time for sure, however, I don't know that concern-trolling or policing what people post is helpful in building community.
It's good, I think, to have a personal rule that one never wants to date a man who was probably taking a shit when he found your photo. Really. These clowns are perusing while on the toilet. Don't be that woman.
This post irks me the most because of your mockery of your fellow FDSers. You have some serious nerve to make a post like this.
This post would have been appreciated and even funny if you would have concluded with advice or tips on how to meet men in real life. Have you heard of Female Dating STRATEGY? It's what puts the S in FDS, afterall.
But instead you laugh at women.
Idk. I’m at the point where I want a man to meet me doing the things I love and things I am passionate about in person....
I feel like those apps attract men who compare women’s looks to other women. For example, those apps show the person’s picture really big then you scroll down to read the profile. Well…. The man finds your picture pretty, along with many other women, and swiping right on many other women. The man finds your picture pretty THEN reads the profile. I would do the same thing. Finding him physically attractive first and personally for me, that gets in the way of my thinking logically and rationally. I’m getting better though gosh after this last experience I had..
I’ve noticed that I would find these OLD men attractive and then hype up every SLIGHT similarity they had to me. I wouldn’t be doing that with an ugly man. I was putting looks over character and compatibility.
I wanna to be in my element when he meets me. When he first sees me. A place where we have similar interests…and then I would just talk to him there, vetting while living my own life. I used to give my number out too quick. I am not doing that anymore.
Is this supposed to be helpful?
Oof. The message I agree with, the delivery was a bit harsh 😅
One of the tenets of FDS is to decenter men. I do think, regardless of the reason an FDS’er uses OLD, it is not in line with decentering men.
Again, just my opinion, if we are using OLD, we are putting ourselves out there, fishing for a man (the opposite of decentering).
Yes, we can employ vetting strategies. But we’ve already put ourselves at a huge disadvantage simply by going on an app that was designed by men, for men.
I made a post a while back about an app called SaferDate. It's in the UK only tho
So can we all agree that FDS is now basically 75% a complain about OLD forum? Is that correct? It sounds like everyone is in agreement that FDS is mainly about doing OLD and then complaining that it sucks even though everyone already knows it sucks. Great got it.
Well, ok, I guess you're right. If it's the only option that men are presenting us with, we'd all just better go ahead and do what the men want!