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Hi Queens,
I've recently started to OLD after about 2.5 years of leveling up and omg it's terrifying. The typical male candidate is struggling. For context, I'm 33 live in America and in a medium sized city. Here are some things I've noticed:
Height-fishing is a thing. I went out with a guy who was 3 inches shorter than his profile height. It was an instant disappointment- nice guy, but I can't start the relationship off on a lie. It's a bait and switch. Side note: I’ve been searching for an app that will tell a guys height over video call, any suggestions?
I matched with a guy who said he was 6'1 and then after we set a time to video call he changed his height to 5'10 on his profile. Only an app that benefits men would allow this- I don't know if 1 woman who misrepresents her height to gain matches. A guys height should be like his age- once you set it, you cant change it. And, users should be able to report it.
the algorithm is designed to lower your standards. Te app purposefully shows you Fuckboys or the most popular guys, and then makes you feel like you need to pay for their premium subscription to improve your chances when you don't come across a meaningful conversation.
The apps don't have a salary requirement which again favors men, since they cannot provide reproductive labor and often fall short on emotional labor. Now they don't have to put a value on what they can contribute financially, making it harder to weed out folks that haven’t truly thought about providing for the future.
Ok ok so you might want to say, given the above what are the best strategies?
First of all, it's a mental game. If you are like me and prone to rumination, it's that much harder. But it's all about improving your chances better than average. I have tried the following:
Paying for a premium subscription and swiping right on literally every guy. Then I wisened up and set some parameters like height and political ideology and kept swiping right. What did this get me? A bunch of matches, but only 1 out of 15 had any kind of engaging conversation, maybe 2-3 went just beyond a match. So while guys swipe right on every woman and then pick from there, as a woman you will come across guys who match for the ego boost as opposed to being genuinely interested in a relationship.
I tried reviewing every individual profile before swiping, and that took way too much time. Time that could be spent on other things.
Keeping my profile active, and swiping through the catalog of men available throughout the day. This is depressing and puts me in a very passive role, waiting for the algorithm to throw me a crumb here or there…I don’t like the feeling of waiting. If I had no imagination maybe I wouldn’t mind, but I do daydream.
The best strategy for me is probably to meet a man in real life, like at a golf course or a run club. I plan to delete my account at the end of the month.
Congrats for discovering the inevitable.
It's very demoralising... I agree that the apps are designed to make you lower your standards. Well, not sure if that is their deliberate intent, or if the constantly being presented with poor quality and non-compatible options just wears away at you. Re Salary requirement: I think there are several 'higher tier' sites that do have a salary requirement, though they do vary a bit. And from memory there is a much steeper (and compulsory) membership fee than the run of the mill apps. I can't remember them all as it's been a long time since I looked into it, but I think one of them is called 'Elite Dating' or something like that. OLD is a trash heap... In person is a beast all of its own. Good luck!