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I went out with a man recently, and he is relatively wealthy. The date was…fine. First date nerves can happen, sure, so I allow some leniency for that. But throughout the date he kept making jokes about being cheap.
The waitress would come over and he would say “don’t let her [me] order anything over $4!” Which was a joke, of course; it was an expensive restaurant and he let me get whatever I wanted, but I found it bothersome. When it was time to pay the check, he gave the card to the waitress and joked “oh god, I hope it doesn’t decline!” He smiled throughout, it was clearly meant to be funny, and I smiled politely, but I just wasn’t amused.
He won’t be getting a second date.
As for the title—we women are told to communicate, above and beyond reason. Even during the date he said “Communication is important to me, and if I ever do anything that bothers or upsets you, please tell me.”
So the thought occurred to me…should I tell him his jokes bothered me?
No. It was the first date.
Relationships are jobs. I am looking to hire someone as company partner, so to speak. Someone who is a good fit, whom I respect, and who is on the same page regarding how to run the company successfully (i.e., have a successful relationship). I’m not looking for an intern who needs to be coached and taught how to do the job.
So, if I’m hiring for company partner, and during the interview the candidate gives any sort of red flag, or even offhand comments that aren’t appropriate for an interview, or just simply isn’t a good fit for whatever reason, he’s done. On to the next.
How many interviews have you been on, ladies, where at the time of rejection, you are given a detailed explanation on why you weren’t selected for the position? Perhaps some fields still do this. Perhaps sometimes you can call the hiring manager and they will explain why you weren’t selected. Mostly nowadays there are only automated messages, and if you call, you’re directed to someone who says “I’m sorry, I wasn’t given that information so I don’t know why you weren’t selected. Best of luck.”
Do you…
…show up to the workplace that rejected you, day after day, causing a scene and demanding a chance?
…call and email them incessantly, telling them that their reasons for not hiring you don’t make any sense?
…contact them when you get a different job to rub it in their face that they seriously messed up and missed out on something great?
No, of course not! How absurd!
They would only think “Good god…we dodged a bullet on that one.”
Relationships are jobs. Hire selectively.
All of this! Was just talking to my mom and grandma about how I treat dating like an interview. He needs to prompt, plan it out so it's a good setting, dress nicely, and have good manners too.
That scrote on that date wasn't "joking" he was shit testing and giving you glimpses of a mask slip. Notice how guys want "communication" and he wants you to be direct of he steps out of line ... red flag. You're right. You aren't looking for an intern to coach- men that want to cOmMuNiCaTe simply want you to tell them how to wear their mask, and when they slip they'll get mad at you and gaslight you. Him "joking" at the prices and "letting you order what you want" gave me such an ick to read about - I can't image what it was like sitting there with him irl!