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I think the advice in this video could be helpful as a supplement to FDS principles. However, I don't think simplifying the partner search to five main personality traits is helpful for women.
Woman have to face many land mines while dating. Many men are not looking for long-term partnership and commitment. However, they will pretend that they are.
The YouTuber mentions that people who are higher on the trait of 'openness to new experiences' tend to cheat more often. Of course, because she needs to appeal to her male YouTube audience and pickmes, she doesn't mention that men cheat more than women.
Even if a man has the personality traits that you're looking for, he could be attracted to young girls, addicted to anime/videogames/porn, into violent 'kinks' in the bedroom, incapable of basic adulting, weaponized incompetence, etc.
Many woman giving dating advice on the internet assume that men have the same mindset and motivations that they themselves have, but that is clearly not true beyond some overlapping desires. Her theory of five main personality traits is helpful in a utopia where both people are engaging in good faith.
Also I don't like her proposal to cut down the number of expectations we have for traits in our partner. I look at a high divorce rate and I see people that should have vetted their partners more thoroughly rather than just focusing on a few traits.
99% of men don't come to the table in good faith when it comes to dating. That's why society has to sell us rom coms and romance to brainwash and gaslight us to accept shitty treatment. And most men treat women like shit
She's a pickme offering useless dating advice. She can have her low value man. I refuse.
I agree! It's a little bothersome in all of the secure relationship type forums or more positive theraputic approaches to dating and communication in a relationship, where it's ASSUMED that both parties are willing and open to creating a lasting fulfilling relationship. Uhh, no. Far too many men are just completely broken in the brain and don't give a flying fuck, their only real connection to their partner is possessiveness, an ego boost, or control and domination. Men are unable to even understand and deal with their own feelings let alone anyone elses. They usually believe that their subjective experiences or reactions to triggers are based on universal laws or objective truths, instead of their own broken brains reactions based on harmful and destructive subconscious beliefs our culture carefully nurtures and coddles and perpetuates. Like how the fuck does that give us anything to work with? I'd say like maybe 1/4 of all men are capable of having an actual dialog with their partners, where they listen and empathize. Most men are INCAPABLE of empathizing or perspective taking, especially with women. Ex: they don't understand why SA is so bad, because they're so desperate for sex, and sex to them is typically with non threatening women with very little risk to their personal safety or sanity. Surely the average man is safe and reasonable, right? 😵💫
I've always been open to new experiences, and I've never cheated on anyone in my entire life. Men who are worried about women who cheat, and have had women who cheat in their lives, LIKE women who will cheat on them. They LIKE the "dangerous," challenging woman. They pick her 10 times out of 10. Men and women don't have the same goals in relationships. Men want to get as much sex, control, power, challenge, and domination as they can get without giving anything in return. Women want to have a loving, giving relationship most times. And the two alternate goals just result in disaster for most relationships. Only time and experience will tell you what a man really wants from you and if you're compatible, so keep your legs crossed, eyes peeled, and heart in your own chest.
I see that a book is being sold. A lot of pop psychology books are for therapists to supplement their income. So you have to oversimplify because people find comfort in formulas.
A big part of my mental health recovery has been rejecting MOST of what I learned in therapy and self- help seminars.
For example,
give the benefit of the doubt. Got me manipulated and had me gaslighting myself.
2. “Express your needs. Ask for help.“ Got told I was needy. Or had people say they would be there for me and then they disappeared.
3. “You are responsible for your feelings/self- esteem.“. Nope, I am responsible for removing myself from people who make me feel bad and lower my self- esteem. But a lot of the therapy tropes were “relationships are hard work.”
4. “Reach out.” Did that. I’ve since learned that people that actually like you don’t need to be reminded that you exist.
It often goes the other way too-men who accuse you of acting in bad faith is exactly because they don’t have pure intentions and so cannot imagine anyone else having them either. Notice how they accuse women of cheating or of being primarily sex-driven or of gaslighting them, even when it’s the furthest thing from the woman’s mind. It’s why they accuse us of being good diggers and accuse us of wanting to be taken on a proper date just to use them for free food when most women absolutely don’t have time for all that.
I've kinda split my brain in half on this. I am a giant hopeless romantic, and I like believing in people. While this has certainly backfired sometimes, it's also worked out giving me some really good experiences other times. And I like the hopeless romantic part of me.
So I've set up the other half of my brain to set very clear rules/boundaries for myself. The idea is that I just have to sit down and be cynical and make the rules once, and when they are in place I can follow them without much emotional labor, and as long as I'm in those parameters enjoy being a hopeless romantic a bit.