Trauma and Gynecology

Sorry in advance if this is the wrong category and if it belongs in Rants instead.

I'm going through a situation that has once again highlighted the ways in which misogyny affects women's healthcare.

TLDR: The invasiveness of gynecology is unacceptable at this point in time. It forces women to choose between reliving their trauma or risking their health and lives, and I'm positive many women have died as a direct result of being victimized and thus unable to proceed to get the help that they need.

Society, medical professionals, and researchers' laissez-faire attitudes towards the horrors of gynecological practices feed into the cycle of building barbaric practices whilst not being transparent and trampling women's boundaries for more and more disenfranchised women to suffer and die.

How are women with trauma supposed to navigate the health of their reproductive structures when so much in the entire field of gynecology is based in disregard for women's bodily autonomy, sitgmatization of the female anatomy, historical sadism, and overall disrepect for women's humanity?

Last year I finally went to get a pap and check up at the gynecologist's office after almost a decade of putting it off. If I was honest with myself, I knew that this was precisely because of somethings that happened, but I was in denial and would tell myself that it was my usual procrastination. I have been celibate for the same amount of time and never even used tampons - there was nothing going up inside of me and this is not a coincidence.

The appointment was horrible - I had an unexpected breakdown, and the worst part is that in my logical mind, while it was happening, I knew that the the doctor was actually being very professional, gentle, and understanding. By all means it should have been a spectacularly successful visit, so WTF was I doing???

At the end she gave me some time to gather myself and she mentioned there may be some trauma going on there, which I knew deep down, but I have always been the type to think that only some very, very specific things can constitute as trauma and for anything else? Suck it up or else!!

She gave me the recommendation to get further testing since I had benign uterine fibriods which were found when I was still a teenager. She told me that it was just going to be an "ultrasound" which I've had done before where they discovered the fibroids.

I'd been putting off going to the ultrasound after that but I got the clean test results and wanted to make sure I was 100% fine before going back to never having anything up there again. However this week I did a cursory look over the piece of paper for a date and location and my stomach dropped through the floor. "Pelvic, Transvaginal" were checked. It's unbelievable and I feel so, so ridiculously pathetic but I broke down again with full-on tears, hyperventilating, the works AGAIN. To just a piece of paper!

It doesn't make sense, she saw how I was at the appointment and she was the one who mentioned trauma to me so how could she not tell me that the ultrasound was going to in fact, be another invasive procedure?

I'm at least glad I saw it beforehand and that I had an idea of what it entails. How many women have gone for an "ultrasound" to be surprised at the appointment with this horrific bullshit? How many women would have had the self-assurance in such a situation to pause, clarify, leave, or request alternative possibilities? How many women left feeling like they let themselves be degraded once again?

By the looks of a quick search for "transvaginal ultrasound", A WHOLE FUCKING LOT!

Now I'm not anti-pharmaceuticals or anti-medical or anything like that. While being generally aware of medical misogyny as a feminist I'm also fairly scientifically literate (maybe). I understand that transvaginal scopes can identify far more clearly any irregularities in women's reproductive health than abdominal ones, helps with accurate diagnoses and thus treatment, and that many times it is necessary; the design is for our benefit.

However WHY is this method even the first recommendation? Where are the less invasive alternatives? This sentiment goes double for birth control as well!

We all know why... the lack of respect for women's humanity is what all of it is.

A car was sent to space for shits and giggles for god's sake. No interest, no investment, no financial incentives to improve and innovate women's healthcare, not even the bare minimum to standardize all drug testing for over 50% of the population.

And yet, we're still here.

I think my approach here will be to call the health centre and ask if we can do an external abdominal ultrasound first, then if determined necessary, we can proceed with the transvaginal one, I've gotta grit my teeth here if it has to be done it will be.

My thought process is that if they were able to see the fibroids over ten years ago they should still be visible at least now, and considering my overall regular cycle and health maybe the health professionals *might* see no irregularities and hopefully determine that a transvaginal ultrsound not necesssary. Better to be sure that it's needed than to go through it when I could have just not done it right?

If FDS has taught me ANYTHING at least it's to SPEAK UP and advocate for myself.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

If you've had a transvaginal ultrasound done, what was your situation and experience?

Any thoughts on women's healthcare also very welcome and appreciated.