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You may have pickme friends that you haven't realized are trying to drag you down. If your friend is having problems with her scrote, start believing her and stop gaslighting her snd dragging her down. Some examples of ways pickmes gaslight other women are:
- but he's "trying" (men often fake try and fake being incompetent. He will actually do it if he's genuine)
-he doesn't know any better (yeah but he should have been learning and seeking professional/outside help before dating)
-he grew up in a bad home / has trauma (while it may explain a lot of things, it's does not justify them. If hes being abusive, it's still abuse. It's on him to get help and work through it and do that before entering a relationship and traumatizing others)
- you're being too clingy, paranoid, needy. You can be more chill (this is victim shamey you'll heat it from men and pickmes. No it's your gut telling you something is wrong. Your feelings are valid. If you can't express your emotions to yoir man, he isn't for you)
-just give him another chance (nope. When he shows you who he is, he isn't going to change. Take chances by playing carnival games or scratch off lotto tickets not on men lol)
-just communicate, did you tell him it bothers you? (Newsflash, it doesn't work. He won't listen and he won't change. He may pretend to for a little but he won't actually change)
-well my bf/husband does that too, you just have to put up with it, that's how all men are (a pickme will always tell you how she has had it worse, and how lv things are normal for her and even try saying that she's happy. She isn't. Misery loves company. Hv men do exist, but you'll need to distance yourself from her and her lv man)
-youre just looking for a prince charming, no man is perfect and neither are you (pickmes will really try to drag you down with them. They're standard shaming you because they don't want to see you actually happy. Hv isn't perfect but it's a high quality and mature and lasting)
-you should be more supportive and understanding of him (in reference to scrotery) you need to meet him halfway. Show him you'll be there. You could do more. (No amount of being nice or doing anything will make a man change. If anything it'll make things worse because now the scrote will use you even more and further disrespect you)
- you need to make it work, relationships are all about work and compromise. It's hard. (Struggle love is NOT love. If you need to work hard to keep a man, he doesn't love or respect you. This struggle love idea is especially detrimental to POC. relationships should never be hard work)
-he does have (addiction/ptsd/adhd etc) / it's his condition (and while it may explain his behavior it does not excuse it. Some lvm will actually use their conditions to keep being abusive. And if it is that severe he needs help, not a relationship. You want to date not be a free doctor or counselor)
-save it for your girlfriends. He doesn't want to talk about that or do that, no wonder why he's miserable, because that is a GIRL thing. (You should feel comfortable enough to talk about women's issues and your body/period/needs with him. He should be mature and respectful. He should also be interested in learning all about you even the "girly" stuff you like like musicals, rom coms, wine and paints etc and be willing to watch/come along if you ask him to because he enjoys yoir company snd wants to learn about your intetests)
-well I'm happy in my relationship/ we've been married x years and you can't keep a man, so I know what I'm talking about. (More pickme dragging you down and standard shaming stuff)
- but don't you want to have kids one day? You're getting older. The good ones are taken (this hitting the wall thing is tiresome. Don't drink poison just because you're thirsty. So don't settle for lv just because you want kids. The more time you waste on lvms, the more time wasted when you could have met a hvm. Also your value doesn't depend on your age lr if you can have kids. You can adopt as a single woman. You can freeze eggs. You can foster or adopt or work with kids too.)
Also when a woman tells you a guy is bad news BELIEVE HER. We need to be more accepting when she speaks up.
It's sad how most women base their value on keeping a man as if its an accomplishment. They're definitely miserable.
More women need to see and learn from this post. Especially younger women.
This is such a good post. I've heard every single one of those and all I can say is cut these women out ladies. Being around people like this, who both make you second guess your often toxic relationship and seem to lack empathy for you, will destroy your self-esteem. Choose you.