stay safe vs have fun

I was reading comments, and something another FDS queen posted triggered this memory. It absolutely irritates me when men tell me "stay safe". Do you ever hear a man tell a woman to have fun? This seems like one of those gendered comments that's on the power/control axis. I'll explain.

One of the main gendered comments that I use to vet men is the age-old, "Do you work?" It's extremely gendered. I cannot imagine one male asking another male, "Do you work?" It would just be ridiculous. And yet, in 2023, I can't tell you how many times I've been asked IF I work. To me, the more usual question is, "What do you do?" because we're assuming that most adults work and have to work, so we're just determining what it is you do.

But to ask "Do you have a job, any job, at all, or do you just stay home?" strikes me as gender reductionist: men are seeing a woman as just a woman first, and presuming some real 1950s stereotypes there. Even worse when they assume all women are SAHMs, when in reality, yes some are -- but it's a snapshot in time, and usually when kids go to school, a woman gets back out into the workplace, because all money coming into a household helps. One would also hope that she's protecting herself from the ravages of death, divorce, and disability, too, by keeping her hand in the workplace and keeping her resume up to date.

Sometimes men backpedal and claim it's because I'm 55, but I call bullshit on that, too. Many, many people work well into their 60s and 70s, and I know for a fact I retired very young, and am, in fact, starting back to work again this month, as a career counselor, which pivots nicely off of my having been a teacher for over a quarter century. I'll be going back into schools, talking with older teens, and telling them the path to college, military, and/or work.

Overall, the "Do you work?" question immediately tells me a man is conservative, conventional, and has very out-of-date, stereotypical ideas about women and work in general. He doesn't live in the 21st century, and this question is the tip of the iceberg. And because it's about power and control, I would predict that men like this would find a way to keep a woman at home, or disempower her from working or maybe even pursuing hobbies, all the while thinking he's "head of the household" and the decider-in-chief. Hard pass, and I don't even have to think about it. What makes me give up on talking to a man is when I ask him back, "Do you work? Have you ever worked?" and they just don't get the sarcasm and condescension at all. What an insensitive douche, thank you next.

As for "stay safe", I have taken to replying, yeah, I'll have fun with a big cheesy grin... and for some reason, men hate it when I say that. I'd like FDS queens' help in parsing this. Every time I've said it, I see men frown and look displeased, but I'm thinking it's the same look people get when I used to say I don't have kids and/or I don't want kids: I'm not mirroring them. All of a sudden, I'm breaking out of the preconcieved identity they've projected onto me, and now they don't quite know what to make of me.

I also have the unsubstantiated feeling that my saying, yeah, I'll have fun in the minds of these traditional, conservative men, suddenly puts my whole character into question, as in, is she a good-time girl? what kind of "fun" does she mean? I mean, it's not like scrotes can just take me at my word; everything has to be sexualized, doncha know.

I'm fascinated to hear stories about being told to stay safe, or maybe some man has interrupted you having fun? I am HERE for all the stories!