Reactive Abuse & how abusers will use it to keep you trapped

the name alone is off-putting. reactive abuse... most people who would hear that would think it's just as bad. we still live in a world filled with "turning the other cheek" sensibilities.

like battered woman syndrome, narcissistic abuse victim, "reactive abuse" evokes something very distant from empathy and understanding.

at the end of this affair, the woman who is battered begets a syndrome or the status of victim or is said to have had a bout of reactive abuse herself. it goes all the way to say that her life is completely defined by this one thing that was done to her. suddenly, the abusive man is completely out of the picture, thanks to the wonders of the passive voice.

I hate the term "reactive abuse" because it perpetuates the language of gender violence and its privileged use (exempting men: she was raped, she is a victim of rape - becomes her identity), that it reinforces social norms that place women at risk. it's hard to explain that reactive abuse is not abuse. then why TF use the word "abuse". "reaction" to abuse would have been fine since there is no "perfect victim". some abused people freeze, some run, some fight back.

Yessss. I was thinking about this too but didn’t have a term for it. More people should totally talk about this. It’s like the only way to prove you are a victim of abuse is to just lie there and be a silent victim. It is as if the moment you retaliate, it’s no longer the abuser’s fault. And it almost seems childish and petty that if you “fight back” it sounds immature - like a child saying “but he did it first!” But if he indeed did it first, what am I to do? As a victim why is the responsibility on me to go the high road and not retaliate back? Even in physical assault cases, legally you are absolved from responsibility if you acted in self defence. In situations where abuser and victim are constantly in each other’s lives, should we not still hold the initial abuser accountable or even with greater criticism? Also, given the wide age gap between the couple, I feel like that in and of itself is a form of abuse. You are taking advantage of a person’s inexperience in the world. People often talk about how Johnny Depp’s career is affected or how Amber is going after his money not forgetting that Amber is rich herself - and nobody talks about how old men like Depp uses young ladies for their bodies. People talk about money because it’s very quantifiable and all of us need money. People talk about a woman’s age because it’s quantifiable and they want to objectify us women. But nobody talks about it the moment youth is being taken advantaged of. You can earn back money, you can’t turn back time being with an abuser.

It's because people thinks women should just shut up and take it to make their abuse "counts". They like silent women and better yet, dead women. We're not allowed to have emotions, we can't lash out, if we do we're hysterical or we have mood disorders. This case is the perfect example of how misogyny works. Everything he said is true without any proof, everything she said is a lie even tho she has proof, everything she do is a manipulation tactic

This is a great article! Thank you for sharing it! ❤️