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VENT: Hi. I haven't been active in a while, but I wanted a space to talk about predatory age gaps after seeing history repeat itself with Billie Eillish (20) and Jesse Rutherford's (31) relationship. If anything this is just a vent. These types of relationships can be so damaging and I really despise when 30+ year old men go after young women in their early 20s. We all know a 31 year old has nothing in common with a 20 year old. On social media, I often see this age gap being defended by people whose parents have age gaps, minors, or people in predatory age gaps themselves. You are not a fully grown adult at 20. Your brain is not even fully developed, you lack life experience, and you're only two years out of high school at this point. How can you be a fully grown adult when you were raising your hand to go potty in high school bone or two years ago? I don't understand this system because I know more people would be freaking out if Billie was 18/19, but people see 20 and see it as so grown when that's completely false. You can't be a fully grown adult at 20 because you were a teenager only a year ago. Also, how can you be a fully grown adult when you can't legally drink, gamble, can't have an adult license, rent a hotel, rent a car, etc.? I think you get my point. 30+ year old men know 20 year olds lack real world experience so they feed, taken advantage, and prey off of that. I am so tired of people defending these relationships. Dating a 20 year old at 30+ may be legal, but it sure isn't moral.
There's certainly a difference in those two things. I don't understand why so many people choose to rely on the law for adulthood instead of scientific evidence in brain development. It should be better to rely on science for adulthood than the law because we all know how fucked the law is!!! We know you are fully grown/closer to being fully grown around 25 due to the prefrontal cortex being fully developed. Also, I strongly dislike how people are saying that we are infantilizing Billie or we are jealous of Billie. A lot of older women know when they were 20 they were not fully grown adults and a lot of us have been preyed on by older men. If anything, we are looking out for Billie. I also don't like when people comment mind your own business even though they're also in a way commenting on her age gap by telling others to bug off. Lastly. I want to talk about grooming. Many people say you cannot be groomed if you're under 18. I don't agree with this either. Sure, it's not the exact same as grooming a 10 year old but it doesn't mean people in their late teens or early 20s cannot get groomed. For example, people say a person cannot be groomed because they turned 18. A day ago, when they were 17 and was suspectible of grooming, but they are 18 so they cannot be groomed anymore. Huh? Excuse me? Please, make it make sense!!! The math isn't mathing. Also, yes, the same applies to 30+ year old women going after 20 year old young men. I've also seen a lot of people blaming Billie for this situation. She is a victim (she's constantly been a victim of men's predatory behavior) and we should 100% be blaming Jesse. He knows what he is doing. I’d like to add the age of majority was 21 until the Vietnam War as well, which proves even more that you're so so young at 20. Overall, 20 year olds are not fully grown adults and I find it so disturbing when grown men (30+ year olds) go after these young women (20-24ish)
They rely on the law because it excuses predation on a technicality. They won’t ever rely on science since it supports the idea of brain maturity in the mid-20s. They want them young, fresh, naive, innocent, inexperienced.
I just wish she wouldn't comment on their age gap because she is clowning herself. She'll write a song about it one day, but its gonna be postponed due to shame from said clowning. :/
It's so creepy, absolutely. I would get interest from both men and women much younger than me and I always turn them down. One young woman who was a whooping decade younger than me (and I told her this in plain English that I am literally 10 years older than her) would not give up on me until I would get a bit rough with her verbally that I wasn't going to accept this being a "thing" with her. It took her having the guts to finally tell me she likes me and wants to date me and I told her gently that I can't do that, the gap is too great, and she needs to focus on her studies and enjoying the best years of her life without a much older partner to hold her back. Thankfully she understood and agreed with me, and let me go.
I'm the same age as Jesse and have a sister literally Billie's age right now. I love my sister, and sometimes I talk to her friends of the same age as her when I see them around. They invited me to a little get together to celebrate something and I was like meh, okay, sure. But it quickly dawned on me that I was over the stage of their lives and how the things they would talk about or stress over, are things I don't give a shit about anymore. They are also very emotional and think that things are the end of the world when I know logically there is always another day to look forward to.
I simply cannot be fucked to date someone of that age group, really, I can't.
Men feel entitled to younger women because they've fucked over the women that are their own age. They've been like this for centuries. As long as the young girls know that old men are only good for their money and to keep their hearts and bodies to themselves, then I say go for it. But when I was young, I wanted nothing to do with older men. I knew better. Plus, they look old. Just like men in their 40s think their fellow 40 year old women are old, well, the look just as old if not older.
I was veeeerrrrry attracted to men in their late twenties and early thirties when I was in my early twenties. Men in their twenties…they’re like puppies in that stage where their legs are too lanky for their bodies. They’re still figuring things out…their own identity, their values, their goals, their passions. They’re barely starting to form the plan for their lives let alone carrying out those plans.
Men around 30, by comparison, were so confident in who they were and what they wanted. So self-assured, so driven and put together. Plus they had the money to dress better, eat at better restaurants, take me on trips, give me presents big and small without stress. There’s something so attractive about a person so in control and at ease with themselves, so clear of mind.
It weirds me out when men know or are involved in a woman’s life through her teens and then ‘hey wouldnt you know, she turned 18 and know we’re dating!’ But a 20+ year old falling for 30 year old? I get it. Im not going to infantalize women the way creepy right-wingers do and say ‘oh, these poor young women, they just dont understand the mistakes their making, we have to take away their choices to PROTECT them.’ We give 20 year old men all the room they need to make big mistakes, learn and come out stronger, I give my sisters the same room as well. That age gap relationship may well blow up in your face, but you’re not going to hear me say ‘you’re too stupid to make this decision until you’re 25’. Ick.