.png)
First, a few days ago we were having a conversation about a guy who purposely goes to federal buildings and "takes pictures" of said buildings since it's technically not "private property" if you're taking pictures from the outside, not the inside.
The guy is clearly antagonistic. But my mom took his side because he was justified according to law. I told her I don't like people using that law to be a nuisance because it indirectly allows the harassment of women.
I used the example of men taking pictures of women on the beach secretly and it's allowed because it's "legal" even though it's clearly wrong.
She blamed the women basically saying that it's to be expected if they're wearing bikinis. So I asked her if SHE would be okay with a man secretly filming her and she changed her tune.
She's been getting on my nerves lately. She defends problematic men and she allows unfair gender roles in our house. She prefers I don't work outside of the home because it's "too dangerous". She was quick to get my brothers working but she lost my paperwork and took years to find it.
We're only NOW replacing my vitals. But she said she wasnt in a rush to because she felt like I can't "handle it" anyway. Im practically a house maid
She complains about nobody cleaning up when I'm the only one who cleans. She only complains about to me but doesn't expect the boys to do it. She excuses my older brother because he works, and excuses my younger brother because she thinks he's incapable doing chores and cooking properly.
She says we have to "go easy on him" because his father is trash. Which is bs, because MY FATHER IS TRASH TOO. Whenever I'm sick she just tries to sack me with medicine so I can go clean. But she doesn't expect my brother to clean because he works, even on his days off
Wtf kind of sense does that make? One time, I was on my period and she still had me make my little brother sandwich that he could've made himself. And then she got mad and told me I need to worry about what's on my plate when I said he needs to be more independent.
Ive been trying to maintain the house all week and no one else is doing the same but she only complains to me. I washed ALL of the dishes 2 days ago. I went in everyone's rooms and collected them.
Today, I'm sick again because I took a supplement that I had a bad reaction too and she was trying to sack me with medicine again so I can go clean. She also tried to bribe me with food, that she offered me last week and still never bought
It's never her first thought to go ask my brogher. Even when he OFFERS, she stills tries to get me to do it. A different time I was on my period, my brother offered to clean for me. And my mom asks me"can you at least organize the dishes before he washes them"
WHY? WHY DO I NEED TO DO THAT? She tells me how she has to take medicine and just suck it up so she can continue to work. I feel like she projects that on to me. But work is different from house chores. And I don't think it's fair for women to be forced to work while experiencing period pains anyway
The more I read fds and feminist literature I see that my mom is also a pick me with internalized sexism. I honestly want to move out.
Women love their sons and raise their daughters.
Your mom is a classic pick me who thinks if she sides with men she'll get to be part of their little gang. Joke's on her because she'll never be accepted.
Your mom will never change. Get away from it as soon as you can.
Oh hun I'm so sorry. Literally my own mother once said "I don't support women" proudly. It's very heartbreaking.
I feel you. My only advice is to get out on your own ASAP.
What frustrates me about my mom is that she claims to be a feminist (she even got really into that recent march for women's rights- vagina hat and all), but is anything but. She was a housewife until I was 12, and during that time my dad claimed that since he was the one earning the money he should control it. Then she became a nurse, and guess what? He still controlled the money. She has to ask HIM any time she spends money. She has to provide him with receipts for all purchases. Mind you, they are very wealthy; though she doesn't have a clue what he makes as it's "none of her business". She relies on him for stupid things, saying she's too afraid to drive on highways (learned helplessness). She hates me because my dad is generous with me and my kids. She makes snide remarks about that being her money. And I get that her situation sucks, but as a single mom I'm in no position to turn down help.
Your mother sounds a lot like mine OP. Unfortunately when someone is that far down the rabbit hole, there really isn't much point trying to reason with them. (Believe me, I've tried). The only thing I would say is that things got a lot better for me once I became independent from my parents and moved out of their home. My advice to you would be:
Come up with a plan to become independent of your mother. Step 1 would probably be getting a job. Step 2 would probably be finding a place of your own. (Based on your post, your mother seems to want you to stay at home and be an unpaid maid. For this reason, I wouldn't mention that you're planning on moving out until the last minute. You don't want her guilt-tripping you into staying).
While you're living at home, just keep your head down. Look up grey-rocking. Basically it means not arguing with your mother and just ignoring her whenever she says anything problematic. (Arguing with your mother isn't going to change her mind and you'll only stress yourself out). If you ever feel her getting on your nerves, then just go for a walk or something to clear your head and get away from her.
Extended rant. I also noticed how shes quick to notice depression in my older brother. My brother said he lost interest in activities he usually likes and she went on about how he's showing signs of depression and he should see a therapist (which I agree)
But when I told her I don't care about anything, I have mood swings, hell she even WALKED IN ON ME CRYING AND BREAKING DOWN. and all I get is "you don't seem to depressed to me. I know what depression looks like".
That day she walked in on my crying all she did was say "something is wrong" and gave me some supplements for mood. She used to call me Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh because I was sad all the time. Which ironically, HES THE EMBODMENT OF DEPRESSION
I'm honestly pissed and so disappointed that my mom isn't all I thought she was. I'm so tired. I just want to get out of here and be alone