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I was so excited to finally move out of a not-so-great place in a not so great neighborhood to upgrade to a much nicer place in a much better, much quieter neighborhood. Finally, I started to see my hard work paying off. The new house was beautiful and better than I ever imagined. I was finally free of a roomates, didn't have any scrotes dragging me down, and finally I was the single, child free woman I always dreamt of being that had her own, nice place. Going into I knew that I wasn't super strong and wasn't super skilled and tried to make things easier on myself by picking things out that were easier for me to use. I didn't want to have to depend on a man or be calling professionals every single time for every single hiccup.
After all, I knew basic home and pretty basic handyman skills. I had a few simple tool sets, nothing crazy, but enough to get the job done. I had even gotten a special tool kit that was lighter and smaller. I paid for a more expensive lawnmower because it was easier to start and maintain, and wasn't as heavy or bulky as some other models. I got myself a smaller, lightweight weed eater specifically after seeing how big and heavy some other models are.
About a month after moving in the struggles started up. At first, it was the toliet paper holder falling off. The screw had been stripped from the previous owner. No big deal, I went and bought a similar one and screwed it in.
Then came time to change the air filter. At my previous place, I changed it every month with no issues. The new place though, had the vent on the CEILING. I'm petite and shorter than average- so I bought a ladder. I couldn't get a super tall one because I don't have a big enough car to safety get it home - so I got a fancy deluxe step ladder. The guy at the hardware store assured me it was a safer and easier option than a big traditional ladder and said I should be able to use it no issues. Fast forward, I'm trying to change the air filter and still had to stretch like crazy to get the vent door open. But, I did it, and went to swap the filter. Even on the top step, I am still struggling to reach this thing. But I get the new filter in and go to close and latch the door. It has two latches, one on each end. This became a massive problem, because I'm not tall enough, and my arms are not long or strongenough to get both latches closed. Closing one at a time does work, because gravity is working against you and the air filter and door are falling out and the first latch us unhooking as I try to close the other one. I slammed the filter down in frustration- I can't do it. My parents live out of state and are coming down soon so they have to help me. I don't know or trust anyone else enough to have them over to my place.
Then, the lawn mower that was supposed to be easier and never gave me issues before gave out. Ironically, the thing that was supposed to be super easy to pull to start, wouldn't budge. I called three small engine repair shops - one told me he was booked until next week and that I could bring it in then, the next told me I'd have to bring it into his shop, and the other said he could come out to my place and repair on site and to call him back to schedule. When I called back, he was rude when I asked to schedule him. He said he just "shows up" whenever he "gets around to it". I had one day off that week, but would take off a day if I had to, and asked what day he could come out. He gave me an attitude and said he doesn't know and he will get to it and come by when he can. Issue is, I have a small car and the mower is awfully heavy (and messy) to lift. It doesn't fit in the car and I think something is leaking. I don't have another car. All the repair shops were shocked I didn't have a big pickup truck to deliver the mower to them. I told the other guy he needs ro just name a day and I can be home all day for when he's free (pickme, ik, but only these 3 places offer the repair service nearby) and he refused to schedule and got prissy with me, so I told him never-mind. I ordered a new mower for delivery instead - a manual one. It's light and easy. Of course it shows up and I go to build it, thinking I'd just screw in the handles right? Nope. They designed it so you have to BEND a metal bar so it can attach to pegs inside the wheel area. WTF. this was insanely difficult and an asinine engineering. It took me over an hour of struggling to get that bar bent down enough to barely pop it into the Slot. I was crying in frustration. Even the instructions said it'll be difficult to do and you may need a 2nd person for assistance.
Then if that was not enough hassle, we had a storm and the power knocked out for 5 minutes and then came back on. I was sleeping, but the storm went on all night. When I woke up and went to shower, the hot water was out. Okay, went to check the tank. I previously always had gas heaters so I was used ro checking the lights and knew how ro reset the pilot. This one was electric so before anything I checked the breaker box. The water heater one switched off. Alright so I reset the breaker and then reset the tank. Now there is NO light or anything to indicate on this electric water heater that it's on or working. The gas ones would have lights and also display error codes so you could get a sense of what the issue was. Absolutely NOTHING on the electric one. So just reset it. Okay. Well if you have an electric one, you know these things are quiet. You reset it and I barely heard anything. So you don't even know if it's even on or if it's resetting or if it's heating up at all. They do crap out after age and use, so I looked for an install or purchase date or date of any kind and NOTHING. so I don't even know if it's old because it if it's old it's probably just going completely. Also, the person who designed it has the plug for it all the way up top, near the ceiling towards a back corner. Horrible to reach or stretch to.
Here's the common denominator in all these things. Things are designed for MEN and men only. All of these items / problems were made to be unnecessarily difficult and hostile to women because of a stupid and blatantly misogynistic design. Simply put, they are designed for men, and so that women cannot fix/do them and if we try it will be a struggle. There is no good reason to have the air filter on my high ceilings and then to make a 2 latch door. There is no reason why the electric tank can't have some type of status light or something so you can just look and easily tell if it's on or off. Even when my mower worked, it was still HARD to pull and start. The height was designed for a 6ft tall man. I'm 5 foot 1. When I bought my 2nd mower, almost all the charts show that all brands of mowers are designed for 6ft tall men. Because of physics it is harder to operate something meant for a higher angle. Even my dresser when I was assembling it, was designed to have a 2nd person helping you. I had to rig a setup to get around that and build it alone.
Statistically, most engineers are men. It shows. These are just some examples that have drove me to tears because men do not want us women in what they consider "their spaces" ie hardware stores/handyman stuff.
I'm crying. I worked so hard to level up and get my own nicer place but the world we live in hates women so much that I will have to somehow suffer and struggle through these things or I will have to keep paying professionals (mostly men ofc) to keep coming and helping me. I HATE having to call for help it's so embarrassing when you have to admit that you simply didn't have the strength physically to do xyz and they all seem to get off on it. I also hate that whenever I do call Any of these supposed "professionals" they are never professional- they're often arrogant, cocky, and they can't make an "eta" or "arrival window" for when they'll be by. So I end up often having to take off from work, and sit around my house all day, waiting for them to show. It's awkward to have a stranger in my home and it's unsafe too if he decides to get weird.
But yeah, men design shit so we still need to rely on them. Apartments aren't any better because nothing is maintained, and you're constantly calling and waiting around for maitence to fix stuff.
I'm so discouraged and heartbroken. I'm in my early 30s and thinking of moving back in with my parents over this shit. It's always been an absolute nightmare no matter what state, what apartment/company, what location, or what price point. I don't have kids or pets, I'm quiet, clean, and not doing anything that should be causing all these issues. Looks like I gotta call another repair man, spend more money, and feel the humiliating/condescending remarks when I tell him I tried stuff and he looks at me like I'm a stupid and silly little child.
How do you deal with this crap, FDS? None of this living alone is empowering. What do I do?
So god damn relatable. Men are actually just dumb as shit. They forget that the average adult (if you average all men and women together) is shorter and weaker than the average man. But even if we're smaller, at least we're smarter.
It sounds like you had a lot of bad luck in a short amount of time. I bet things will ease up soon and you can relax and enjoy your leveled up life.
I agree so much. Don't even get me started on power tools that have two buttons you need to hold down for them to work as a safety feature...
The buttons are always too far apart for me to hold the tool the way it's supposed to be held because my hands are smaller, so I have to hold the tool in an improper or unsafe way to be able to use it. And the buttons are always really hard to press and hold and I have to stop regularly because my fingers and hands start hurting.
Nobody even considered people with smaller hands or less strength in their fingers/grip when designing these. It's not a fucking safety feature if it makes the tool unsafe and harder to use for people who are not the average man.
I had a lawnmower from hell, too. Extremely bulky and heavy and you needed to hold down two metal levers on the handle (controlling the speed and the blades) while mowing. Only they were so far apart that I couldn't close my hand around them all the way and had to hold it in an awkward, half open position that hurt and often caused one of the levers to slip out and the mower to stop. And that was supposed to be a great, high end model.
I can relate. I own my own home and live alone. I love the peace and quiet of living alone but the one downside is being solely responsible for all home maintenance/repairs. There's always something in a house that needs doing e.g. recently one of my radiators was leaking and had to be replaced. The only real advice I can give is try to find decent reliable tradesmen and stick to them. Do you have any female friends/aquaintances living in the area? Could you maybe ask them what tradesmen they use?
I am sorry for your misfortunes but if anything I want to thank you for posting your experiences because your dream of living alone and fulfilling your childfree / drama free life away from toxicity is exactly the life I'm trying to carve out right now. I've only ever lived with crap family / scrote male relatives, thankfully never roommates but that's because I've never had financial stability.
I can sit here and say "use the internet" but I know it goes further than that. This is a very important post for me! I hope I can move out soon and just enjoy my CF life once I hit my milestones.
Kitchens too. There are so many useless appliances. With current technology we should be able to set an accurate temperature on the stovetop without fiddling with low/medium/high. I paid a mint for a combi steam oven, a temperature-controlled induction cookplate, and a do-everything blender that’s easy to clean - all of which save time and mental load, and I wondered why it has to be so expensive.
I’ve called men in to do heavier jobs but it’s harder now that the really good craftsmen are retiring. As an expat I had to take a house painter to court for cheating me - in a language I was just starting to learn - but managed to win a settlement.
And, work clothes - work boots - gloves - are all too large to be useful.
Move to an newish apartment with well-run building council. That's the key. Then none of these issues are your concern because there's a competent property manager or council to deal with it. They can deal with all contactors so you don't have to.
Apartments provide the best of both worlds: independence without the grunt work. Don't move back with your parents.
Are you buying or renting? Going from renter to owner makes a big difference in how you're treated by building maintenance, in my experience.
I am sorry for all the struggles you are going through. I know it’ll get better.
I’ve owned my home as a single mom for 18 years and just bought another house to renovate while I live in an apartment. I agree that many tools and appliances are made for men. I’m sure things will get easier - the first year is always the hardest.
Here are some tips - I hope this helps?
Buy a home warranty. Then when big things die (water heater), they’re replaced for free.
Only do the home maintenance things that bring you joy. Outsource the rest. I love to paint, replace electrical outlets & light fixtures. I’m afraid of heights. I hate plumbing and tile. So I pay someone to do the stuff I don’t want to do
Consider returning the lawn mower and hire a kid to mow your lawn for like ~$40/every other week. It’s thankless work, not worth doing.
Invest in work gloves & a wheelbarrow, and save money on landscaping instead. Landscaping is otherwise expensive! Plant gorgeous flowers and shrubs. I chopped out hideous mass of creeping juniper with a hatchet, and planted a boxwood hedge for $100. It’s beautiful today. I also planted flowering trees and columnar cypress, and they are all thriving.
Ask friends for help. Women friends know more than you think! And they can help latch the air filter. An extra pair of hands is great
Youtube is awesome - it taught me how to replace the thermocouple on my gas fireplace, troubleshoot a wonky gfci outlet and jump my car battery
Consider buying a convertible, not a pickup truck. Hear me out: I’ve hauled large trees, dozens of bags of mulch, tile cutting saws, huge artwork, and more in the back seat of my convertible with the top down. I carry blankets to keep the seats clean and safe. You can haul a crap-ton of stuff in a convertible - even a lawn mower
Move heavy things around with your legs. I lay on the ground and brace against a wall or furniture, and push with my legs. I’ve actually moved a 500+ pound wardrobe by myself this way. Also, put cardboard under heavy furniture to scoot it easily across wood or tile floors. Works like a charm (I know this wasn’t one of your concerns, but it’s a good tip for the future!)
You got this sis! Enjoy your peaceful home. 🏡 🩷