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TL, DR: femininity and masculinity are different from lazyness and immaturity. Men used to have one job: work to provide to his family. Ever since women have been able to to the same, men have become useless because they refuse to be usefull in different ways. It's not about being masculine, it's about being a functional adult.
Okay, this is something that has been in my mind for a few days and I'd like to elaborate.
We've been seeing a resurge in conservatism where both men and women complain about how men are not as masculine as they used to be, how feminism has ruined dating because of that, etc (some even say sperm's quality is lowering). The other day I saw a post about how men seem to be devolving and I even commented on how there seems to be only two types of guys: they are either sexist providers or useless softboys. you can't have a man who is a non-sexist provider. you can't have a man who's not sexist and also takes initiative - because oh, that's such a bad stereotype! how dare you expect that from men in this day and age??
And after pondering about this for a while, I've reached the conclusion that male uselessness has nothing to do with a man being masculine or feminine. What makes a person useless? Well, we call somebody useless when they:
Don't do house chores (or don't do them properly)
Aren't 'handy' to fix and build things
Don't have a job and aren't properly looking for one
Don't help pay the bills (men love calling women useless for that particular reason when we say we want a man who provides)
Don't take responsibility for their own children
Don't participate in decisions
Can't take care of themselves (and might become a burden for that reason)
Only take and never give (or mostly take and almost never gives)
Perhaps there's more to the list, but that's the gist of it.
Now you may be thinking "You're describing a child". Fair, but I'm not talking about children. It makes sense for kids not to be able to do any of those things for obvious reasons. I'm talking about full grown adults.
A man who behaves like that is useless. A woman who behaves like that is also useless. The problem isn't feminine man or men who aren't as masculine as the older generations. It's the lazyness and immaturity. Most women are feminine and they aren't useless. We're here working, paying bills, raising kids, going to the doctor, making decisions, making the first move in dating, giving giving giving...... And for what? For men who only take take take.
We complain about men without initiative who want to go 50/50 because they are all for eQuAliTy, but we're still overworked and underloved. It's NOT because men aren't as masculine as they used to be. It's because of misogyny. The only reason men seemed to be way more useful before was because their only duty was to be the provider, whereas the wives were confined in the home doing all the unpaid domestic and reproductive labor. The only reason why they were the ones to take initiative 100% of the time was because we would be sluts if we did it. We're still seen as sluts to some extent when we do that today, but that's okay because we are allowed to be sluts. It's so empowering, wow!
So now that we can do all the stuff that men were supposed to do, they don't feel like doing them anymore, and therefore have become useless. They had one job and now we have that job too. And instead of making themselves useful again, in different ways - more equal - they just resent us and leave it all on our backs. Meanwhile, women want old fashioned dating/relationships to come back because they are tired of doing it all by themselves. Why work 40h/week + take care of the house and the family + pay the bills when I can be a housewife/SAHM and have my husband pay for everything?
I think this is deliberate. How on Earth can women be so competent for most things while men just sit there and watch us do all the work? They are perfectly capable of doing things. They just don't want to do anything.
Men in the 'good old days' only had to pay the bills, while women were prisioners in their own homes. Victims of abuse and mistreatment at worst, overworked, unfulfilled and unhappy at best. I don't know if this was a normal thing everywhere but in my country, during my grandma's times, it was depressingly common that men had two families. Children with their wives, secret children with their mistresses, giving money to both. Like yeah, they provided, but they were fucking awful fathers and partners. Yeah, they looked more put together than modern men but they weren't, by any means, better people. Men seem to be struggling with the fact that providing is not enough anymore, they won't get their way to us by shoving money down our throats. They actually need to do mental and emotional labour to be in a relationship with a woman now. And they hate it, they hate that they can't get away with the bare minimum and I'm all here for it! Seeing them rage and throw tantrums about masculinity and feminism is hillarious. This is not about being masculine or feminine, this is about men being useless. Being incapable of adapting to the new social norms and requirements women have for relationships. Being scared of ending up alone and miserable cause deep down they know that the good old days when men got wives and children just because they provided are now gone! They're afraid cause we don't need them.
Yeah, I don't glorify the "olden days" where men were expected to provide and mostly did. They didn't do so out of the goodness of their hearts, but to keep women confined to the home and economically and politically powerless. "What happened to men?" -- nothing, they're as entitled as ever, they just changed their tactics. I do dislike this current trend of women wanting to bring back traditional dating where they keep repeating that men only have "one job" (providing), because we should be expecting WAY more of men. A paycheck just doesn't cut it anymore. A man who only spoils me materially is indeed mostly useless to me, because I could spend the time and energy I'm using on him to earn more money myself. More and more women do exactly that. And yes, men are having an identity crisis over it. Let them.
“Now you might be thinking ‘you’re describing a child’“ got me 😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻. Nothing gets on my nerves more than male incompetence. Most males are absolutely useless, yet they’re the majority in positions of power (politician, CEO, etc.). Make it make sense 🙃
Your analysis is spot on. These are all control tactics, albeit new ones. They just try to get away with being as entitled as ever, but they added passive aggression to their portfolio instead of just overt aggression. Which is why I can't stand libfems saying that if men were allowed to be softbois, then patriarchy would be over. Bullshit. How many times have you been abused by a crying Mr Sensitive? Me, countless times. And yes, I do see the perils of women naively thinking that a "real man"™️ is the answer to the libfem BS. The truth is most "providers" are still misoginystic and transactional. They haven't evolved. That's why the marker of a HVM is character, integrity and lack of misoginy. Any other preferred trait, in a male, is no insurance against scrotery. The core of the issue here is class. Men as a class feel entitled to women's resources. Whether they prefer to pay for that right or manipulate with strategic incompetence, it really doesn't matter because the end goal is the same. The only insurance is finding the outliers whose personal values and motives don't align with those of their class. But most men want to keep their privileges 🤷♀️. And that has nothing to do with them being more "feminine" or more "masculine", and everything to do with them being attached to their power like their life depends on it.
"The only reason men seemed to be way more useful before was because their only duty was to be the provider, whereas the wives were confined in the home doing all the unpaid domestic and reproductive labor."
THIS, YES! And even then, it was only a shallow appearance of usefulness because it was sold to everyone as 'the only real form of work' supporting the family unit. All the effort and labour that the wives would put into the team was discounted, dismissed and criminally under-valued.
Now, women are ALSO putting in the 'real work' (aka salaried work) while ALSO doing the majority of the domestic labour that was (and still is) discounted, dismissed and criminally under-valued.
We're not asking for the moon or modern miracles! Just treat us like an EQUALLY valued partner on the team!
It’s like a conundrum
1. Great at sex and knows how please a woman.
2. Makes good money and is educated.
3. Takes initiative for household chores and running a household.
But now now ladies - you can only pick 2!!
Most men qualify for either 1 of the above or 0.