I've never met a married woman whose life I would want

None. I envy the husbands instead, nobody controls them, they aren't burned as primary caregivers, they can choose anything they want because their wives will stay behind to make sure he can work overseas without a problem. I rather have a wife too.

I know a lot of married women. I know a lot of them say they are happy and live what appear to be comfortable lives. Most of them I have observed situations that I would not be happy or comfortable with. So no I don't know any married woman who's life I would want. I'm sure one exists somewhere. But I don't know her.

No matter what, the woman makes the sacrifices even if she's comfortable with them and accepts the deal. I see these "happy" women literally holding it all together for their family, even when their husbands earn a high salary. In fact the high earners seem to need more mommy care from their wives. It's like a puppet show and she is doing all the work to make it look like he's the big deal around here or that it's an equal share. Many are content with their lives because they accept the conditions. They do get something they want out of it. Many of them have husbands that respond to them when they demand recognition and kindness. But what bothers me so much is they have to instruct their husbands in how to be decent to them. They have to remind them. It's work for them just to be treated with dignity. They are okay with making this man child look like a wonderful guy. They are the reason he looks high value.

I get it though. They know even if they are capable of doing their husbands jobs that they wouldn't be paid as much as he is. They want this lifestyle too. They want their kids to have that financial and emotional security. Yes the woman is a wonder. She has more patience for the man than me. I know there are women who aren't doing all this work while the husband does. I know there are men and women who are equal partners and men who add value to the relationship. I don't know many, and not one of them has a marriage I would want for myself.

Most married women I know, whether I like them or not, are like Atlas, holding the whole world of their family up on their shoulders.

Yes. She is married to a man who adores her and their children, and while she travels for fun and work, he is the one coaching the kids through schoolwork. Husband is also a high-end provider. Now, I have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, but she always has a big, "cat got the cream" grin on her face in every photo of them together or with his family.

There is an opportunity cost to being married. The cost is the time you could have spent building an independent life without the expectation of being in service to a husband and kids.

Some women have happy moments inside a marriage but that inevitably breaks down over time. Once the spouse has left the picture, whether through death or divorce, you are alone. The average marriage lasts approximately 8 years.

When you think about the risks associated with marriage (50% experience emotional abuse, 20% domestic violence, being worse off financially after divorce, lack of marketable job skills for stay at home moms) it's a wonder any woman would say "I do" for a finger trinket and the loss of her autonomy.

I've experienced plenty of 'happily' married men in the form of coworkers who have hit on me in an effort to test the water. I've been cheated on as well. Happily ever after is a false paradigm sold to women by the media and males who stand to benefit.

The OP is doing it right - stay single, build your personal wealth, and keep him around as a boyfriend. Kinda like what guys already do.

I was married for a few years and it was a raw deal. I was exhausted all of the time and my mental health suffered. I never felt more alone and trapped than I did when I was married. The problem with marriage is it's supposed to be a partnership like running a business I guess, the business of making a home, raising children, managing finances, etc. Unfortunately, most women I know who are married don't have an equal partnership. They do mostly everything without reaping any additional profits or benefits. It's not worth it unless the person you marry is truly willing to be a partner to you instead of a liability.

So many women who get married end up getting shafted. Our society still puts most of the life responsibilities in a marriage onto women, and men are not very willing to pick up the slack, even the so-called liberal woke ones (Like the one I was married to!).

We do all of the emotional labor, the mental labor, and the physical labor of rearing children and running a household. We have to maintain a full-time job in most cases because most people can't afford to live off of one income. And our grand reward for doing all of this work and going above and beyond and being super mom and super wife is a husband who doesn't have empathy or consideration for us. Most women I know get barely any meaningful emotional support from their husbands. They seek connection with friends and get validation from being a great mom. I think the main reason most people aren't divorced in this type of marriage is because they wouldn't be able to afford to keep up the same lifestyle, so they just put up with it and live unfulfilling lives.

Nearly all of the women I know in my life (who had kids with their husbands) aren't happily married because they are in this situation. The only ones I know who are truly happily married are in their second marriage after their kids are grown. (Of course, there are always exceptions to this pattern, but for most people this is how it goes!)

IME, the married women who make it seem like their lives are a fairytale by posting every detail on social media and never open up to you about what’s *really* going on are the unhappy ones. I do believe there are plenty of happily married women but you just may not see or hear of them. I’m not married myself, but from personal observation of my peers this seems to ring true. One of my best friends was the girl who married on the fairly younger side, moved to bumblef*ck to be with her husbands *perfect* family who she thought would be able to help out and give support when they had kids. She works from home, which means she is also a SAHM. She was crying to my other single friend and I because she can’t even get to the GYM - she is a prisoner of her own home and I blame it on the scrote husband. Since I’ve been WFH, I can count on one hand the amount of women who have careers that have also turned into stay at home mothers due to not being able to find childcare. Why the hell can’t the husband stay and work from home, or help find alternatives to help his wife with her quality of life? My friend was so upset I literally told her I would help her research childcare. Have your effin husband step up to the plate Sorry, rant over. But goes to show that it’s incredibly important to vet and not fall too hard too soon

You all will find Judy Brady's 1971 essay "I want a wife" very interesting:

I belong to that classification of people known as wives. I am A Wife. And, not al-

together incidentally, I am a mother.

Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with his ex-wife. He is looking for another wife. As I thought about him while I was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I, too, would like to have a wife. Why do I want a wife?

I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically independent, support myself, and, if need be, support those dependent upon me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And while I am going to school I want a wife to take care of my children. I want a wife to keep track of the children’s doctor and dentist appointments. And to keep track of mine, too. I want a wife to make sure my children eat properly and are kept clean. I want a wife who will wash the children’s clothes and keep them mended. I want a wife who is a good nurturant attendant to my children, who arranges for their schooling, makes sure that they have an adequate social life with their peers, takes them to the park, the zoo, etc. I want a wife who takes care of the children when they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around when the children need special care, because, of course, I cannot miss classes at school. My wife must arrange to lose time at work and not lose the job. It may mean a small cut in my wife’s income from time to time, but I guess I can tolerate that. Needless to say, my wife will arrange and pay for the care of the children while my wife is working.

I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs. I want a wife who will

keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after my children, a wife who will

pick up after me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes clean, ironed, mended,

replaced when need be, and who will see to it that my personal things are kept in

their proper place so that I can find what I need the minute I need it. I want a

wife who cooks the meals, a wife who is a good cook. I want a wife who will plan

the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them

pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my studying. I want a wife who

will care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time

from school. I want a wife to go along when our family takes a vacation so that

someone can continue to care for me and my children when I need a rest and

change of scene.

I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a wife’s duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies. And I want a wife who will type my papers for me when I have written them.

I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life. When my wife

and I are invited out by my friends, I want a wife who will take care of the

babysitting arrangements. When I meet people at school that I like and want to

entertain, I want a wife who will have the house clean, will prepare a special meal, serve it to me and my friends, and not interrupt when I talk about things that interest me and my friends. I want a wife who will have arranged that the children are fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so that the children do not bother us. I want a wife who takes care of the needs of my guests so that they feel comfortable, who makes sure that they have an ashtray, that they are passed the hors d’oeuvres, that they are offered a second helping of the food, that their wine glasses are replenished when necessary, that their coffee is served to them as they like it. And I want a wife who knows that sometimes I need a night out by myself.

I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wife who makes love passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes sure that I am satisfied.

And, of course, I want a wife who will not demand sexual attention when I am

not in the mood for it. I want a wife who assumes the complete responsibility for

birth control, because I do not want more children. I want a wife who will remain

sexually faithful to me so that I do not have to clutter up my intellectual life with

jealousies. And I want a wife who understands that my sexual needs may entail

more than strict adherence to monogamy. I must, after all, be able to relate to

people as fully as possible.

If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one. Naturally, I will expect a fresh new life; my wife will take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.

When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wife to quit working and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completely take care of a wife’s duties.

My God, who wouldn’t want a wife?

That's cute, and I want to be independent don’t get me wrong, but someone else money to spend is always fun❤️

The idea of marriage is terrifying because the husband can immediately take his good guy mask off and start being terrible. It happened to my mother and aunt. I would rather marry myself

I haven't met a clearly happy married woman either. Growing up, all marriages around me (in my family or family friends) either clearly were bad for the woman and made her unhappy, or were this "we are a happy traditional Christian couple and we seem super happy (ps. I actually do way more chores, because I'm a woman and I'm absolutely exhausted)" -type, because I grew up in really religious circles. To this day, I don't think I've witnessed a relationship (in people around me. I'm not talking about celebrity relationships or people I don't know well), not to even mention a marriage, where I could confidentially say that the woman seems happy or gets at least as much as she gives.

My cousin's marriage is the only one I continue to look at and think how awesome they are together. She's 47, never had kids, married once when she was 39. Her and her husband just bought their second home, and he quit his job to help her run her wildly successful business she had started before they met. No one in the family thought she would marry. Growing up I was told by my dad not to be like her so a man would like me and want to marry me. Ugh! My cousin lived a full, beautiful life before getting married and her husband has only ever added to that magic. He's responsible, respectful, and is THE BEST with dogs and children. I'm not sure what their entire relationship looks like but the dynamic between them has always been give and take. I think what impresses me most about their marriage is when my cousin gets sick, her husband takes on a full care giver role. Handles her doctor appointments, makes sure she takes her medication and is eating and sleeping right. Drives her to appointments (when she let's him haha).

Every single marriage around me has too many cons and makes me more secure in my decision to not get married until I'm in my early 30s. The only marriage I look up to is a early 30sF and late 20sM pairing. They just seem like a wholesome couple that supports each other. All of the other marriages I see, you would think they didn't know each other at all. They make it sound like such hard work and full of compromises and "opening up the relationship"...I just want to pull up the divorce papers myself. And they're all in their early-mid 20s smh

The only marriage I consider happy is the marriage between my closest male friend (of 40 years) and his wife. I wrote a whole long post about them but the Wix text editor keeps deleting chunks of my posts and I am too weary to rewrite it.

I have known other excellent husbands who married badly and many more excellent wives stuck with losers.

Marriage is problematic. I have done it multiple times but never well enough to inspire envy (pity would be more appropriate).

Definitely agree with you. There are way more benefits as a woman to not get married than to get married

I envy the wives that have no kids at all and get spoiled by their husbands. Like Eva from desperate housewives. My friends that are married to hvm go on trips all the time and just live the perfect childfree life. Or at least that's what it seems

I've seen a couple with supportive, funny, loving, in shape husbands but it's like 20% or so. Most men seem overweight or ugly porn addicted personality

I think I'd rather 'marry' myself since it won't be legal. OR... Go with a platonic marriage: https://youtu.be/6RBw_Hctgoo

Well you haven’t met me, and if you’re extremely into gardening you’d sure be jealous! 🤣 I kid, I kid. Yeah I think I’d agree though, I don’t really envy other married women’s lives. Or single women’s for that matter. Not that their lives suck or anything, I just think that says more about me than them as I’m pretty content with my life, and I was able to find and marry a man who I find absolutely invaluable. Different strokes for different folks. Sounds like you are happy too. Although I will say, marriage is ultimately financial protection. I especially recommend it for women with children, as childbirth can greatly impact overall lifetime earnings. Also, not to be morbid, but it makes asset transfers very simple should one pass away and allows one to collect death benefits (I.e. pensions, social security… etc). You can circumvent this to some extent with beneficiaries, wills & trusts but at that point it would be easier to get married. And, IMO, there’s also the title of husband/wife that is much more powerful socially than “girlfriend/boyfriend”, conveying to people that they are not a temporary pairing but a partnership, til death do they part (or one of them will give the other half their shit lol). But to your point, depending on whether children are involved, how your finances are set up and whether you care about titles, marriage doesn’t necessarily guarantee a life other women would envy.

Honestly I do meet many happily married women. I think that gives hope for many women in FDS who want a family life. I’m not sure if I want that though The happily married women I see are: - stay at home moms - husband is sole breadwinner - wife keeps fit and goes for exercise a few times a week and goes out with her friends too. - have children and have in laws to take care of the kids happily once a week so the couple can have a date - there are dishwashers at home so less chores - may or may not have a helper to help out the chores but can afford it In many ways I think many people on FDS want such lives? Personally I’m not sure if I do. I am not sure if I want that because - it seems silly and completely not empowering to not have a job but i don’t want to work AND take care of the kids. like OP, what i want is a wife (like how Ali Wong puts it) i don’t mind a househusband but men are not wired to be stay home dads or stay home husbands. there’s no way a guy can care for you like a housewife yet lead you like an alpha. Lol. point is, having an income is everything. if you be a SHM, you relinquish your power to the husband. if you’re not financially independent and you want to get out of a marriage it’s virtually impossible. so the idea of a SHM is not appealing to me. - unless the husband, in laws and a helper pull up their socks, it’s gonna be hard. my married female friends may be happy, but i think they see their life calling as a housewife and a mother. majority of their time is spent on their kids. i cannot imagine putting someone else’s needs above my own forever or for the next 20 years. for men they don’t have to sacrifice much. they get to spread their seeds and have offspring but have the luxury to take care of them only when they feel like it since the rest of the caregiving is done by the wife. they get to focus on their careers and possibly have their wife taking care of them which is way better than having to live alone and taking care of themselves.

I was just thinking this yesterday. I've also noticed that a lot of women married to LVM get stuck in a weird arrested development because of their husbands. They don't want to accept aging and can't reach their full potential until divorce or the husband dies.

I see so many married (or recently divorced and seeking new LVM) women who still dress and act like teenage girls and I wonder if that's to keep their husband "interested"? You don't meet many happily unmarried women like this.