I cant get over my sexual past and how I allowed low value scrotes use me for my body

Don't beat yourself up over trusting men. We, women, have been purposely kept out of the knowledge of the nature of males. Patriarchy was designed to keep women stupid so that males CAN take advantage of us. Do not take.on that shame. The fault is on Patriarchy. You are SO LUCKY to have found FDS at 22. I am 48 and found FDS last year at 47. I spent 47 years being completely dumb about men. Now just keep educating yourself. Watch Melanie Hamlett and Princella Clark and Cynthia G (although she was recently removed from YT, men couldn't stand the truth about themselves) but just learn from your mistakes and don't allow any man to use your body again.

I've had sex with 19 men. Only the one I'm currently with has it been consensual 100% of the time.

I wish I found FDS at 22, but it took several more years for me, and some functional alcoholism, and thousands of dollars in therapy.

I was able to forgive myself for not protecting myself better by committing to learning from my past, not just letting it go to waste. And passing lessons I learned the hard way on to other girls/women.

It also helped to realize the immense strength I have, to be able to come out on the other side of that. And the capacity for kindness I love I must have, since I have any left at all.

Your story and my story are sadly not unique. At all. Yet think of how many women you know, who probably have the same hurt somewhere in their soul, who are out there every day killing it. We really are amazing creatures.

It's sad that society is such that we usually aren't given the tools to avoid learning lessons the hard way. But now you've learned, and all you can do is move forward. Don't give those dipshits any more power than they deserve by letting them define your future too.

I'd be really careful with yourself about the language you use. You didn't "allow" much of this to happen. Even dudes who had consensual sex with you, you expected more out of them as people, so you really weren't "letting them use you." I'm all for restricting male access to women, but please don't victim blame yourself. Nobody think you're bad or that you "let" these things happen. You expected men to act decently.

Totally get this and lived it. I hear you, feel you, understand you. I'm 55, by the way, so a few thoughts. Take them for whatever they're worth to you.

-- all of this now is in your past. Let it stay there. I literally imagined burying my past over and over when it would rise up like a zombie to haunt me. (Appropriate for Halloween!) Re-burying it, not torturing yourself is self-care and self-forgiveness. Cannot recommend strongly enough.

-- take as long as you need, and take notes (literally or mental) about what happened, why it happened, how much agency you had, and the lessons you learned from all these males... or else repeat the same mistakes over and over. Highly recommend taking a break and doing major processing. You'll learn, grow, and change.

-- feel all your feelings -- good, neutral, and especially the "bad" ones, which are the most important. Admit to yourself how you actually feel vs how you should feel as referenced by society. And by the way FUCK "should". That is never to any woman's max benefit. I'm extraordinarily suspicious of any and all "should"s. I've told people before, don't "should" on me. They get the word I actually mean.

-- if you can possibly afford it, get therapy to help you with rape trauma

-- if you're unfamiliar, look up "respectability politics"... tons of internalized misogyny from other women around this. It's how women police other women's behavior, through condemnation, censure, scorn, shunning. It is brutal.

-- slow down courtship, which effectively runs off all males who just want sex

-- be useless to a new male... either he likes you for you, or he wants free labor. They also run away quickly if all they want is free female labor.

You got this. You are in the right place. We love and appreciate you, and are glad you're here.

22 is YOUNG to realise this! Celebrate that! Keep going. When we know better, we do better.

What you did is fine. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Now you know better.

I too was on a spiral of dating guy after guy using OLD.

NOW what you need to do next is get off those apps. They bring out the worst in men in women and you’ll be succumb to more travesty and degradation. Delete it now before you end up being a baby mama or get and std. that shit stain story tho… he should have offered to pay to buy you new sheets and apologized.

Big hugs to you sister, I was in the exact same position before finding FDS. At 19 years old I was engaging in hook up culture, found garbage after garbage man, several of whom assaulted me, one gave me an STD (curable at least thank god) I used sex as a way to self harm, I was disgusted with myself, hated myself. I would replay the scenes in my head and cry and question why I did those things. “Why did I let that happen to me? Why am I so stupid? Why did I keep going back to him?” It took me a long time to get out of my head. To forgive myself, to feel some grace and compassion for the girl who experienced those awful things. I’m on the other side of it now. It took some time but I got there. And I know you will too. One exercise I do is imagine you’re your own daughter. Picture yourself as a little baby. And whatever’s about to happen, ask yourself would I let that happen to my little girl? And would you be mad at her for the things that happened to her? Of course not. It wasn’t her fault. And it’s not your fault either. Now that you recognize the danger and harms, you can start levelling up and applying FDS principles to your life.

My #1 piece of advice, get off the apps (if you still have accounts) Block and delete any man you know from the past, if any of them have you on social media, block them there too. You’re starting fresh. Now is not the time to try to meet anyone new, your sole focus right now is yourself. Learning to love and take care of yourself again. Prioritizing only yourself. Deepening your friendships with other women. Again, get rid of anyone problematic who isn’t a positive influence in your life. If all your friends are dating low value scrotes and constantly hooking up with a new guy every night, I also recommend distancing yourself. Those aren’t the influences you want in your life. Listen to the podcast episodes, those will keep you busy for a while. Read the handbook. Take care of yourself. Eat well, get enough sleep. Go for a walk every day. Start with the basics and your mental health will benefit greatly. Find an FDS approved reading list and pick up some books from the library. I recently read Louise Perry’s The Case Against The Sexual Revolution and that was really impactful. Required reading should be Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That? And The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. Gives you some useful insight on how to deal with/avoid abusive men.

I'm only commenting because I feel great empathy for you. I usually don't comment there whatsoever. I'm 23 years old and am maybe not the wiser to even be commenting on your circumstances. But I was sexually abused starting at about 7, with one family member, and after he finally stopped coming around I was abused by another family member who I was once very close to, this happened from age 9 to 13. And this cousin was almost around the same age as me but about 4 years older. He said he wanted to get me pregnant, and have my kids, and that he would beat anyone up that wasn't him. Then after the age of 13, he came out as transgender, and slowly but surely made the transition into becoming a trans woman. And the whole ordeal was swept under the rug because I felt like it was wrong of me to acknowledge what had happened, since they "changed." Then at age 15, I had a my first sexual encounter with a guy, and he was sweet. Would've been called a simp but we didn't last because he had to move. Then age 16, I was coerced and manipulated into doing things with a man who was well into college. We didn't have sex thankfully because it's one thing I always stood my ground on. But I have been violated in other ways. Finger raped and sexually abused but never any full on penetration from the penis. So I'm still virgin technically. The most recent assault though (which there was others before this one but it's too long to go into), this man tried to force me to have sex. I told him to stop forced my neck down. Told him that I wasn't ready to lose my virginity and I sure as hell wasn't interested in him. He told me he didn't need to use a condom because he's clean , and I'm a virgin so he can do what he wants (his words). Well I had a bad feeling that he gave me an STD, because all it takes is skin to skin contact, unfortunately I didn't get tested or go to the police sooner. But I did gather evidence (a recording) of him admitting to what he had done to me. Took it to the police EVENTUALLY, my cousins went with me (not the one that molested me), and guess what the court did. Nothing. He just went to a sex offender program and within 2 years the offense will be taken off his record. And unfortunately for me gave me HSV2 , genital herpes, and it has completely flipped my world around. I was never promiscuous or anything of that nature (not shaming anyone who is though), and I still got herpes. And I'm a virgin with herpes, I fought him off when he was trying to rape me but it wasn't enough for his dick not to come into some sort of contact.

I've tried to talk to other guys since, but one of them acted completely disgusted by me and told me life is fucked and that'll get rejected a lot. And that my whole life is ruined. That threw me into a spiral. Maybe I'm just commenting to vent. Or maybe even to just let you know that you're not alone.

But most importantly I would go to therapy if I were you and I would definitely work on the self esteem. To me your issue is definitely self esteem because you can do wayyyyyy better than what you've settled for. You don't have an STD like me (I'm assuming) so you still have a chance to change your life around before bump into a scrote who infects you. Because trust me, your dating pool will be a lot slimmer and of less better pickings than the average person.

Most men I've met don't care about it, but it's definitely something that you can avoid. And that means caring about your body enough to stop engaging with low value men. Nobody in this forum can give you therapy or self esteem, or even love you for you. That's something you're going to have to work on but you especially need to DECENTER men and stop pedestalizing them.

Please I beg of you and warn to stop while you're ahead. You're gonna eventually end up catching something with the way these men don't get tested. You do not want that to happen to you. But overall I'm wishing you peace, and prosperity ✨

Quit being alone with men no matter what they tell you. Don't listen to any guilt trips about 'trusting them' or going to their flat 'just to show you something' or 'pick something up.'  I don't know who told you it was safe to be alone with dates you barely know, but they lied and this is not normal behavior. Any man should understand this is a safety issue, and ones who pretend not to understand are predators. You should never, ever, be alone with a man until you have decided you're ready to have sex with him. This should take 3 months at least because that's the length of time a psychopath can put up a false front. If you have sex with a man before then you don't really know him, you know who he is pretending to be. You haven't met him, you've only met his representative. Also you need to quit confessing your sexual history. There is no need for that as men will never have the mental capacity to understand sexual assault or sexual abuse. Men are so horny they think all sex is welcome and wanted. You're just setting yourself up to be judged.

First of all, thank you for expressing all of this. It's so important we share our experiences.

Second, 22 is YOUNG like others have said. You are in a great place to have found FDS now. GOOD JOB.

Third, YOU WERE BRAINWASHED. WE ALL WERE. The media lies to every. single. woman about how sex is "freeing" and "self expression" and "porn is OK!" and "prudery and modesty are EVIL" and sex is just another form of intimacy and sex is fun and sex is cool and BLAH BLAH BLAH . We all are waking up out of this manipulative bullshit nightmare and I promise you, you are not alone. At all. Does it feel like you were doing stuff that you had no control over? Yes. Women are the target of absolutely insane propaganda.

Fourth, please seek whatever help you need to heal. Whether that's religion, going to the police, moving away, totally reinventing yourself, please do it. You deserve it.

Fifth, daily affirmations. You are worthy. The best is yet to come. You are worthy. The best is yet to come.

I am so sorry about your attacks, and hopefully you can heal enough to press charges. Those men deserve some time in prison. Hookups are weird. I'm celibate now, not because I hate sex, but just because afterwards, guys get fucking weird with me, either declaring that they want to marry me, or straight up starting arguments to get me to leave (then of course, texting me hours later). It'd be so much simpler if men just acted like fucking normal humans and had relationships where sex is a part of that, instead of centering everything around a very short act. You aren't a different person afterwards. You are the same person you were before these guys (maybe with some chemicals on the brain, but still). I'm tempted to try to date women just because I know shit won't get weird after sex. I'm not anti-sex, but men fuck that up.

Ok. Take a deep breath. Then delete the apps for good. Seriously. Finding a good man on a dating app is a very VERY rare occurance. It's easier to find a good man in real life. I'm 23 and I also have a high body count, I was in double digits by 19. It's nothing to be ashamed about, sex is a natural, fun thing. Rape is not sex. Sex is a consensual act that doesn't include rape. I'd not count the rapes as body count bc that's not true.

It's very fair to feel disgust and shame, that's normal cuz even I cringe when I think about the kinda nonsense I put up with at 18 and 19. It's embarrassing, sure, but you're not a lost cause nor a horrible person just because men have treated you in horrible ways. You are worthy of love and respect and kindness. We all make mistakes and put our trust in the wrong people when we're young. We're naive and think the best of people, it's not our fault the world is a cruel place.

Your next steps should be taking a break from dating and instead focusing completely on yourself. Focus on self acceptance and love. The past is the past. You can't change the past so it's better to take the lessons you've learned and move forward in life. You will keep making these same mistakes if you don't first truly believe you are a woman who deserves a loving, kind, generous, and respectful man. Don't use dating apps. Don't hook up with a guy. Don't go to his house nor a hotel nor apartment nor his car nor ANY place alone with him until he's proven he's a genuinely kind, loving man. Read the handbook and posts on here to see what constitutes as a green/red flag.

You are SO young. You likely have another 60 years to live and while it definitely sucks these memories are plaguing you, in 10 years you likely won't even remember it because you'll have turned your life around and become unrecognizable. I found FDS at 19 and didn't fully internalize it till 20. I have really leveled up since then. We all start somewhere here and your story is pretty similar to a lot of women's. There's hope.

Guy 6 sounds like an unloving POS, who isn't going to go off and love some "better woman." He just gave up a lot in pursuit of what you could have given him. You deserve actual love.

I hate all these men and I hate men in general too.

😐