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Given that womanhood is often defined as taking care of others, being sensitive and submissive, I never learned what it means to feel strong and confident based on my gender. This is why, though I can understand the frustration, I feel annoyed when men are upset about the standards of manhood. I am sorry but I would rather everybody believe I am meant to be strong, a leader and smart than not being expected to be capable of any of these.
Its the reason why in recent years we saw many women imitating men to be considered capable (which got us nowhere). Its why most men's biggest nightmare is having any kind of feminine aspect in their character.
Its simply considered something bad.
When I tried to fix my issues with my identity and role as a woman I realized I have no guidance when it comes to femininity and womanhood. I truly and honestly did not know what it means to be a woman.
So I started to come up with a definition myself. I want to hear how you guys define it, so we can help each other out but also for women who still are in the position where they have no idea where to even start.
In my opinion, every human being has a masculine and a feminine side, regardless of gender. To explain it, its similar to the concept of manifestation. If you arent familiar with it, manifestation consists of two things: 1. Realizing that any reality is possible and can be yours if you believe in it and accept that it will come your way. 2. Following your dreams and giving it your best shot. Its not enough to lean back and wish for a million dollars but you also need to believe that those million dollars are waiting for you and are meant for you. Its a mixture of giving and receiving. Here, the giving is the masculine and the receiving is the feminine. This is why FDS' idea of women taking on a role of "receivers" in a relationship (men pay for dates with you, protect you, look after you, etc.) made so much sense. Hence on aspect of femininity is leaning back and receiving all the great things this world has to offer. All you have to do is say thank you and enjoy them.
But I would extend on the meaning a little more. its great to receive, especially from men but we cant be passive in every aspect of our lives. And we arent meant to either. I consider creation just as much a part of womanhood. What does that mean? Well, women are deeply integrated into the creation of human beings. It doesnt matter if one wants and likes kids or not, this is more about the nature of a woman on her own, not in regards to her relationship to other people in her life like her kids (the latter is a more corrupt and patriarchal view on womanhood). Therefore for me, womanhood means creativity, curiosity and a deep connection with this world. I once saw this youtuber, a man at that, who said he always was fascinated by the fact that women have a cycle. Its an added layer of humanity for women because most things in this world run on cycles. The seasons, the tides, development of different beings, the weather and sooo much more. To me, it just reinforces the idea that women are like nature. Fascinating, always changing, strong and balanced.
I also believe that our physical flexibility is a testament to our mental one. Instead of physical strength being our best asset in protecting ourselves in this world like men, we have adaptation. In nature, adaptation is the strongest feature a being can have, its the sign of resilience. I do believe men have adaptation too (every surviving being on earth has to have it) but its different. Its difficult to put it into words, so I looked up a fitting definition online.
Mental flexibility is the ability to change your thinking based on shifting demands or expectations. It also refers to the ability to think about multiple things simultaneously. In more casual nomenclature, you might think of someone who is mentally flexible as having the ability to “see around corners” and “think on their feet.”
I have always noticed how women are excellent problem solvers because they think of everything. Unfortunately this has been used against us with people saying we should take on the responsibility of thinking of everything (birthdays, appointments, anniversaries, planning events and so on) because we are just so good at it (Ugh). Regardless, see this as a strength that was gifted to you for your safety. Things could tug at you from every corner and you will still be able to bounce back to the person you are meant to be.
Next on my list was something I noticed from childhood, something my mother always told me. Women are perfect communicators. We are highly emotionally intelligent, which is a quality a lot of people disregard. Think about it, how many times have you heard men joking about women talking in hints and never saying things directly? Then the men has no idea what the woman is talking about. I find this ironically shows how great women are at communicating because of the ability to read between the lines, we understand crypted messages and can even decipher someone's way of staring. A huge aspect of communication is empathy. I do believe we have more empathy than men and its truly the attribute that was destroyed the most for me growing up. I was always taught that empathy is a weakness for some nonsensical reason. It was the biggest lie I was fed and the people who spread this stupid information are always the one wanting the most damn empathy. Empathy is an insane amount of strength. It has straight up changed my life for the better when people showed me empathy. As women we have loads of it and we should use it to strengthen our bond with the people we care about and between each other as women. Just for this, I believe the bond of sisterhood to be stronger than the one of brotherhood but I guess I am bias.
Anyways, a big aspect of womanhood imo is excellent communication and having empathy for yourself and people around you who deserve it. The emotional intelligence necessary for these is connected to the mental flexibility I mentioned before. Women can process their emotions pretty well (especially compared to men), we dont start shootings or wars or violate other human beings to the extend of men because of our emotional intelligence. We can analyze our feelings and move on from the pain. I mean just reading FDS' women's heartbreaking stories alone and how kind the women stay despite them, proves all the points above. Its not because women "are allowed to cry", because we aren't. We are just seen as weak anyways that's why nobody cares if we cry or not. The reason is that we are resilient.
Lastly, a couple of things I would like to add to the list: Women naturally have a sense of youthful energy to them, regardless of age. We like beautiful things, are creative and social. At the very least they are incredibly cute attributes that fill life up with joy. I also noticed that women have a lot of determination. I dont know where it comes from but damn are women good in competition (That's a more personal observation lol). Also, our intuition is probably the biggest gift of all. I trust and follow my intuition like its the damn law because it is NEVER wrong.
I would love to hear your definition of femininity and if you agree with my list here. There is so much more to say but I didnt want to make to post too long so I thought its better to hand it over to you guys from here!
Edit: I would also like to say that add this to my "daily vocabulary" now. For example when I see a creative man I think, wow a great feminine trait he has! Make up and clothes and all of that is not femininity, its just hobbies. We should see feminine traits the way we see masculine ones. Neither inherently bad nor good, just descriptive. In this case creativity is a good trait and a feminine one. Steadiness is in my opinion a masculine trait, a positive one too in many ways, the masculinity aspect of it is just descriptive.
Surveying cultures across history has helped me tremendously in this regard. I think of it this way, after years of sociology, history, and anthropology study: There are no feminine or masculine "things" (traits, behaviors), just feminine/masculine expressions. Example: Hunting (and the potential for violence required) isn't masculine, though we code it that way in the West. A survey of Human history will show that men hunt by ambushing prey into confrontation (cornering a deer that must then be stabbed to death at the risk of harm to the hunter). Women hunt by ambushing prey into death, directly (a trap that kills, avoiding confrontation by the hunter). Killing, violence, strategy, and aggression are all *human* traits--not male ones (as coded in the West); however, their expression is clearly affected by sex in similar ways across all large civilizations, across time. This framework helped me see what it is to be human first, and then focus on my expression of my humanity as a woman, second (the order does not reflect "value"). Something about that two-step process removed my cultural programming about what is "feminine" and led to a lot of personal insights. I hope it helps.
It's hard to determine what female traits truly are when patriarchy and society turn us into a specific mould of how we should be as women and girls. I do believe there is differences between male and female, particularly regarding sexuality - the male gale is different from the female gaze (if there is one at all). A strong feminine trait I do believe in is Intuition. I do think that women do have good intuition and more interest in reading between the lines, as you say in your post. I also agree that women probably do have better empathy. However selfishness and lack of empathy we see from men are probably highly culturally influenced. As I remember Lundy Bradcroft making a point of men in tribes being naturally more selfless and generous. There's a lot of bullshit and cultural influences surrounding gender roles. I plan to read "Women who run with wolves" By C. P. Estes, who compares the feminine instinct to animals such as wolves. I am hoping that book will shed some insight on the real meaning of femininity!
It's socially constructed. It could be anything depending on the place time and society. There are no "intrinsically feminine" things. Only female things.
I think that many masculine qualities, such as being brave, rational and capable are actually feminine qualities.
I am not sure if I want to define femininity at all. Instead of dividing traits by sex, I would just divide them in good or bad traits, and be inspired by the abundance of women out there with lots of amazing qualities (and by our own qualities and strengths)!
Women might have generally developed certain traits as a result of our socialization, but I don't regard these traits as inherently female. For instance, the task of taking care of others, which is often assigned to women, leads to being more perceptive of others' needs or developing more empathy. I think that framing these qualities as feminine, given or part of being a woman can be detrimental. Should we be expected to be more flexible, resilient or better communicators just because we are women? These are qualities that can take a lot of effort to develop, even if one is naturally predisposed towards them, and not all women are born with them. Should we regard men as poor things who are born with worse emotional skills? Developing emotional intelligence is a part of being a mature human, and I don't see men who do so as "feminine". They are just men who are also flexible, or empathic, or good communicators.